Do you reflect on the times you’ve behaved badly?

[Anonymous]

I know none of us are saints but I can’t stop thinking about a few things from my past that I really regret. Nothing overly dramatic- cheating at a sporting event in high school, lying for personal gain as a young professional. The other parties are long gone from my life and likely wouldn’t remember the incidents. But I still feel terrible about them. Anyone else afflicted by this kind of thing?

[Anonymous]

You need to do some really nice things for people now in your life and tell yourself that these deeds will cancel out old mistakes. We all have regrets, try to erase with new nice memories. Peace

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know none of us are saints but I can’t stop thinking about a few things from my past that I really regret. Nothing overly dramatic- cheating at a sporting event in high school, lying for personal gain as a young professional. The other parties are long gone from my life and likely wouldn’t remember the incidents. But I still feel terrible about them. Anyone else afflicted by this kind of thing?

hmmm no, not really bc I haven't done anything too bad.

But I feel bad when I get short with my kids, or if my kid is sick and I don't have the bandwidth to deal with their whining. I sometimes shut down and I feel bad for my kids sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Totally! Sometimes I suck in audibly about things I have done. More about embarrassing "reply all" things now -- those have replaced my high school embarrassing incidents.

[Anonymous]

Sure, absolutely! Like you I've never done anything really that bad. But I hold myself to a higher standard and expect more of myself - so yes, I reflect and cringe, and learn from those mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Of course.

Being jealous, mean, petty, Lying, cheating, stealing. Getting someone else in trouble. Not fessing up when I did something wrong. All of these things are normal human behavior as a child and someone has to teach you to not do these kinds of bad things. Parents play a huge role in giving you morals and making you realize that you have to always strive to do the right thing.

I am sure I have been badly behaved even when I grew up but then we are experts in minimizing, forgetting and justifying our bad behavior. So I am a saint.

[Anonymous]

I bullied people in middle and high school. I feel so horrible about it now.

I also cheated on my college boyfriend and dumped him in a truly horrible way, basically ghosted after 3 years together. He was a sweet, nice guy, I was just too chicken to break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Yup. Also nothing horrible. I remind myself that it's important to learn from our mistakes and it's how we grow. I also work with teenagers and can impart some wisdom here and there so I feel like I'm giving back and doing good.

Just move forward and take pride in the fact that you know and do better now.

[Anonymous]

These things come sound that serious in the scheme of life. When you say you can’t stop thinking about them, then like you say that it’s often enough that you are ruminating or it is affecting your life now?

You sound like a great person and I wonder whether this is anxiety. My hope for you is that you learn to acknowledge your last mistakes, understand that you wouldn’t do those things now, so perhaps they served a purpose for you, and put them behind you. Extend to yourself the same grace and love you would to a loved one who “confessed” these past errors to you. I bet you would treat them with kindness and urge them to forgive themselves. Good luck to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. People always comment about how nice I am but in truth, I’ve had thoughts and behavior I’m not proud of. I’m flawed, for sure but I’m also tolerant and accepting of flaws in others as a result (to an extent, of course; I don’t tolerate abuse).

[Anonymous]

I slept with over 300 guys in college. I love my children, but I regret not settling for sleeping with the same man for the rest of his life. He is a good provider and father, but lousy lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to do some really nice things for people now in your life and tell yourself that these deeds will cancel out old mistakes. We all have regrets, try to erase with new nice memories. Peace

+1. When I was a new teen driver, I scraped someone’s bumper in parking lot and didn’t mealie a note because I was totally freaked out about getting in trouble with parents. I felt awful about it later, but had no way to ever find the guy again. Ever since, whoever someone has dinged my car in a comparable way, I let it go and don’t even take their insurance info.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes. Sometimes I wish there were a time machine to go back and have a redo with my current knowledge and experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I slept with over 300 guys in college. I love my children, but I regret not settling for sleeping with the same man for the rest of his life. He is a good provider and father, but lousy lover.

So you cheat on your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I slept with over 300 guys in college. I love my children, but I regret not settling for sleeping with the same man for the rest of his life. He is a good provider and father, but lousy lover.

So you cheat on your husband?

300 guys in college

Holy crap.