Feeling Hurt for My Child

[Anonymous]

DS is six and has sensory and attention issues. He's improving but still has a hard time making and keeping friends. He finally made a one friend at school only recently - a girl. Initially the kids would go into woodsy areas and go exploring for interesting insects and bugs, leaves, etc...They both loved nature. DS was overjoyed at finally having made a friend. He was, for the first time in his life, enjoying school. His friend's mom, however, gets extremely upset with her daughter when she digs for worms or comes home with dirty or muddy clothes. DS's friend enjoys sports. Apparently his friend's mother has instructed her daughter not to do that with my son anymore but to stick to playing soccer and other types of sports. The problem is that my son, because of his sensory and attention issues, struggles with playing sports, especially soccer. Recently, this little girl told him that she could no longer go exploring for insects and bugs with him but wanted to play soccer...and since DS doesn't like soccer, he could go do whatever he wanted by himself. He was crushed. He came home miserable and has been depressed ever since. I don't want to get involved in all this but I am heartbroken over this. He was so overjoyed at finally having made a friend. What can I do??

[Anonymous]

I don't know if there is anything you can do about this particular friendship, but have you considered a social skills group for your son, to deal with the larger issues of difficulty with friendships?

[Anonymous]

As much as kids have to work things out themselves, sometimes adults have to help. I think I would try to talk to the mom. Maybe she doesn't know that your child really can't play sports (just say he's got real problems with coordination and so needs other kinds of play than sports) . Unless you tell her how sad he is and that he misses her DD's friendship, she won't know. Her daughter needs several friends too. Maybe she can send DD to school in playclothes a couple days a week to they can go exploring then. You can also see if the teacher can get them to clean up better when they come in.

If the lady says no, then it least you gave her something to think about.

[Anonymous]

OP- My son loves nature too and has mild sensory issues. He looks forward to nature camp every summer b/c all of the kids like nature, bugs, etc as much as he does. Could you sign him up for a camp like that and maybe he will find a friend or two there. I think some nature centers also have programs during the school year too.

[Anonymous]

Also, the little girl may be mis-communicating the message. Her mom may just have said, "don't play in the dirt, why don't you play soccer instead" and the little girl has extrapolated that into something hurtful for your son.

Also, I've noticed that kids this age often use the "my mom said" excuse to get another kid to do something they want to do. It's possible the little girl wants to play soccer and this is her way of getting him to do that.