Buying Gift for Relative Without Offending Anyone

[Anonymous]

I would like to buy one of my older relatives a gift that is around $1500. It’s something that they would enjoy and is a “nice to have”, not a necessity.

They have two kids, one who was a failure to launch and another who is great, but is likely not going to spend that much to buy their mother a gift. I’m afraid that if I do this, I will offend their kids, who I love. Any advice or suggestions? Should I not do this?

[Anonymous]

Why would it offend their kids? They should be thankful that someone cares enough about their parent that they would buy a $1500 gift.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why they would care unless you are the type to wallow in the greatness of your gift giving, announce your generosity to the world, tie strings to the gift or you know the recipient is going to turn around and passive aggressively dig at her kids for not matching it.

[Anonymous]

Give the gift, and accept any thanks graciously and quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why they would care unless you are the type to wallow in the greatness of your gift giving, announce your generosity to the world, tie strings to the gift or you know the recipient is going to turn around and passive aggressively dig at her kids for not matching it.

Which is what it seems is happening here. "Larlo, I know you could never afford this entertainment system I'm getting for your mom. I hope you don't feel bad that I bought it since your're a poor." "Larla, even though you could easily afford this, you'd never do for your own mother what I am doing."

[Anonymous]

Just give and offer no explanation. Have no discussions with her children about it beyond saying it was just something you wanted to do. Amen. You are a very kind and generous person.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, don't do it. Unless you have a super healthy family system, you will create even more dysfunction. It is disturbing you are trying to impress with fancy expensive gifts. You can show your love in non-material ways. I am surprised and saddened by the responses on here. Love is not purchased and shown with purchased things.

[Anonymous]

Let's see, failure to launch is often a condescending term used for young adults with neurological conditions and/or mental health issues who struggle to launch at the typical age. Your other cousin has less money than you do or doesn't show her love with money. So you want to swing by and flex with an over the top gift. Read up on grandiose gestures and gift giving by narcissists. The fact you point out how inferior your cousins are is also a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Send the gift anonymously but enclose a card "from someone who loves you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, don't do it. Unless you have a super healthy family system, you will create even more dysfunction. It is disturbing you are trying to impress with fancy expensive gifts. You can show your love in non-material ways. I am surprised and saddened by the responses on here. Love is not purchased and shown with purchased things.

It is not a necessity and yet you feel the need to gift your relative a expensive item because her children won’t/can’t do it? Why not just take her out for a nice lunch?

[Anonymous]

You want to buy your aunt a 1500 gift which will flaunt your largesse to your same aged cousins?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's see, failure to launch is often a condescending term used for young adults with neurological conditions and/or mental health issues who struggle to launch at the typical age. Your other cousin has less money than you do or doesn't show her love with money. So you want to swing by and flex with an over the top gift. Read up on grandiose gestures and gift giving by narcissists. The fact you point out how inferior your cousins are is also a red flag.

I love you. Thanks for speaking up.

[Anonymous]

Buy the gift and say you got it off your local swap shop fb group for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy the gift and say you got it off your local swap shop fb group for free.

For a $1500 item?

[Anonymous]

The DCUM harpies are out in force on this thread.