Advice for pregnancy after stillbirth

[Anonymous]

Long shot, but I’d love any advice people may have about getting through pregnancy after stillbirth. I am in my second tri and just broke down on my drive into work today thinking about how I don’t know if I could go through another delivery of a dead baby.

I know there are a lot of support groups, but I found virtual meetings awkward. I also found myself getting too emotionally rattled by some people’s stories who were worse than mine.

[Anonymous]

I lost a child when she was 9 days old, so I understand. I am deeply sorry for your loss. It's a pain that will never 100% go away, but over time will become just another part of the fabric of your life story. It's been over 16 years for me now, and I'm crying as I write this. But it's a healthy, cathartic cry now, not all consuming grief. I have two other children now, and am extremely grateful for them. I would focus on the statistics; it's highly unlikely that lightning will strike twice. It's normal to be scared after what you suffered. I'm glad you were able to bring yourselves to try again after your loss. Hang in there. It does get better. And congratulations on your current pregnancy! I would focus on self-care, meditation, anything that gives you peace and gets you out of your head. Easier said than done, I know.

[Anonymous]

OP I would recommend some counseling for birth trauma before this delivery. I found EMDR helpful for addressing some really hard feelings I struggled with after a traumatic birth. You may also want to consider your delivery type. Some people prefer a different type to avoid retraumatization and that’s something to talk with your doctor ahead of time about to make a plan. Best wishes to you.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have a stillbirth but lost my baby unexpectedly at 3 months after a healthy pregnancy and delivery. For my second, I spent a LOT of time paying attention to the baby’s movements once he was big enough that I could feel them regularly. Like a lot. I waited until 28 weeks to start counting kicks because it’s recommended and I didn’t want to freak myself out if they were irregular, but I was paying close attention to them as soon as I started feeling them. I used the count the kicks app in the third tri. I have friends who used the at home Doppler, but I didn’t think that would be helpful for me and just paid attention to kicks once those started. One on one therapy also helped. I also had a few simple things I would repeat to myself, like, today I choose to be excited about my pregnancy. Or whatever. Just something simple that you can hold onto in moments of great stress.

There’s extra monitoring that is standard of care depending on the facts of your specific previous situation…also don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about a specific monitoring schedule that makes sense for you. Getting to the weekly appointment milestone (with NSTs) helped a bit. I believe the justification for induction also depends on your situation. I was induced at 39 weeks (elective) and by then I was pretty much a mess.

Big hugs OP. One day at a time.

[Anonymous]

I asked to not have exams in the same room I'd had them in for the previous pregnancy and same for hospital.