WWYD: fighting at restaurant

[Anonymous]

DH and I went out for a special occasion last night. We were seated next to a couple who were arguing next to us, not screaming, but incredibly audible given proximity of the seats.
The guy was scary and so toxic. She looked meek and jittery. It was very uncomfortable. She ended up standing up and storming out after a while; he then angrily slammed down his credit card, paid, and bolted after her. Our server then came over and we all said how upsetting it was. I almost wanted to help her.
WWYD?

[Anonymous]

MYOB, unless it becomes physical.

[Anonymous]

Like the PP, I think you have to mind your own business. Even though you have given descriptions of the couple that certainly convey your prejudices and biases, it is impossible to know if those descriptions accurately describe what is happening in that relationship or the real personalities of the two people. And, since you're not in the relationship, it isn't any of your business. If one or the other acted on their anger by becoming physical, then it is a different story. If anything, the woman standing and storming out counter indicates that the female looked "meek and jittery."

If their discussion is intruding on your ability to enjoy your meal, then you should have asked to be moved to a different table.

[Anonymous]

I would say something audible but not directly to them, like "jeez," or "wow" or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I would have felt so bad for her, OP. I once witnessed a similar altercation at an elevator in my college building. Why is it that men are so nasty?

[Anonymous]

If she’d gone to the bathroom I’d have followed and talked to her to make sure she felt safe going home with him; otherwise asked to change tables if possible.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have done anything. Plenty of people argue, it’s not a crime.

[Anonymous]

This is why restaurants need to not cram tables right on top of each other.

[Anonymous]

You should write a note and hold it behind him, asking if she needs help or is in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should write a note and hold it behind him, asking if she needs help or is in danger.

This. We were out one time and the guy at the table next to us was just being a complete ass to the woman. Pretty much calling her a useful POS but in much more graphic language. DH told the guy to calm down that he was ruining the dining experience of others. DH had to physically intervene on behalf of the staff.

[Anonymous]

My DH was incredibly drunk one night and was being verbally horrible to me in a restaurant and raising his voice. I wanted to leave but we were out of town, after a wedding, and I didn't want to leave him stranded if I called an Uber. I wish someone had intervened, even just said calm down, because anything I was saying was not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say something audible but not directly to them, like "jeez," or "wow" or whatever.

Probably the worst thing you can do. If it is an abusive situation you are antagonizing the abuser and shaming the victim. Either be direct, ask if the victim needs help where the abuser cannot see, or say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’d gone to the bathroom I’d have followed and talked to her to make sure she felt safe going home with him; otherwise asked to change tables if possible.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it is, ideally, nice when someone says something to the offender in this situation. There is the public shaming element. Howevwr, I’d more likely say something to the woman in private, if possible, since the man feeling embarrassed could increase the risk of physical abuse.

Once I was with a boyfriend in a bar and he was raising his voice and being a real pos. A man came over and confronted him and his gf checked in on me. I assured her I was not at all concerned for my safety (I wasn’t) but thanked them for noticing and saying something. BF was absolutely humiliated and deeply ashamed.

[Anonymous]

That’s a hard one, OP. The problem is, if he’s a horrible, abusive person and you confront them and he feels embarrassed, he will just take that out on her when they get home. If there’s some way to ask her if she feels safe without him seeing/hearing, obviously that’s ideal.