Do girls with ADHD benefit from being the oldest in their class?

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 9 year old daughter with diagnoses of ADHD inattentive and anxiety. She has a late August birthday and is the youngest in her class. Her teacher says she is well-liked at school and has friends. These friendships are not as close as what I experienced at that age, but I don't know how much covid (and changing schools early in the pandemic) has to do with that or if she is socially immature and actually not very well-liked.

We are relocating next school year, so I am considering holding her back a year. I think I could pitch it to her as necessary due to pandemic learning loss rather than the real reason, which is that I'm concerned she's going to have social difficulties as she gets older. Thus far she has done well at a very low pressure school (there's no homework or grades). The neuropsych found her at or several years ahead of grade level in math skills, and several to many years ahead of grade level in verbal skills, so I do have some concerns holding her back may cause her to be bored. On the other hand, I know the academic demands will increase and her challenges with executive functioning may mean her intelligence is no longer enough to ensure academic success.

Do anyone have any thoughts/experience with this? I'm particularly interested in parents of girls as the social relationships in adolescence are so much more important and complex than they are for boys.

[Anonymous]

100000% I wish I could go back and hold back my August daughter. she was fine until 5th grade and then the maturity of the other girls started advancing much faster than my dd. It was a struggle through 12th grade (this year), so we are finally doing a gap year before college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100000% I wish I could go back and hold back my August daughter. she was fine until 5th grade and then the maturity of the other girls started advancing much faster than my dd. It was a struggle through 12th grade (this year), so we are finally doing a gap year before college.

My ADHD daughter has an early September birthday, so she is one of the oldest in her class. She is 17 now and a riding senior. I definitely think it has helped, but she still has had significant challenges with friendships, keeping up with schoolwork and anxiety throughout high school. She may need a gap year as right now we are worried she is not ready for college. So, while it has helped in some ways, I wouldn’t say it has made a significant difference.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t help our DD at all

[Anonymous]

No, don’t do that to her. We have a young for the grade. Come middle school things got much better.

[Anonymous]

Im a 45 year old woman with adhd and I was always the youngest in my class. It was awful. I was so behind socially.

[Anonymous]

I’ve observed that the kids who struggle socially bc of ADHD still struggle if they’re the oldest in the class. It won’t fix your problem but you might cause new problems academically

[Anonymous]

TBH, I think she will still have social struggles as the oldest. The social struggles are part of the ADHD, not something you really outgrow. I would not hold her back, because she may be a lot happier when she's older, out of school, and has more control over her life.