Do you remember life before kids?

[Anonymous]

I sincerely cannot remember what I used to do before I had kids every night and on weekends. And my oldest is only 7! I was thinking about this because our dog is getting old and I was trying to remember when he was a puppy and what we would do with him in the mornings and evenings. We got him about 3 years before we had kids and were living in DC in an apartment.

Now mornings and evenings are rushed with getting the kids ready for school, feeding them, rushing out the door. Then getting home and getting them fed, bathed, to bed at a reasonable time. Sprinkle in sports, homework, playing, etc.

Ahhh the freedom of doing nothing before we had kids - I think we took it for granted!

[Anonymous]

Oh man. Losing the dog we had brought home together before kids was extremely painful. We obviously loved him dearly for his personality and love, but the loss also brought back so many memories of our time together as a married couple without kids, which was so bittersweet. Enjoy these last years with your furry friend!

[Anonymous]

Yes could travel whenever we wanted, ate out every night, shopped a lot and we were generally bored on the weekend days.

[Anonymous]

I remember. Every minute of every day I remember. For some reason I’m having a hard time enjoying being a parent of a 7 and 9 year old. People say these are supposed to be the sweet years. I liked the baby and toddler phases better. I hate being a parent currently.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it was very boring. Parenting is so much more fun and interesting. Now my oldest is 17 and I'm going to miss him when he goes off to college next year. I loved being pregnant, I loved the newborn stage (even the not sleeping and diapers), I loved every stage of their lives. I'm just cut out to be a parent.

On the other hand, work has always been very stressful for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, it was very boring. Parenting is so much more fun and interesting. Now my oldest is 17 and I'm going to miss him when he goes off to college next year. I loved being pregnant, I loved the newborn stage (even the not sleeping and diapers), I loved every stage of their lives. I'm just cut out to be a parent.

On the other hand, work has always been very stressful for me

Op here - I too love being a parent but some days are just a slog. And I am in the thick of it with a 2, 5 and 7 year old. And an old dog. Some days I just want one weekend to do absolutely nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, it was very boring. Parenting is so much more fun and interesting. Now my oldest is 17 and I'm going to miss him when he goes off to college next year. I loved being pregnant, I loved the newborn stage (even the not sleeping and diapers), I loved every stage of their lives. I'm just cut out to be a parent.

On the other hand, work has always been very stressful for me

Op here - I too love being a parent but some days are just a slog. And I am in the thick of it with a 2, 5 and 7 year old. And an old dog. Some days I just want one weekend to do absolutely nothing.

PP you replied to. Of course! I understand.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is 7 as well. I remember it all vaguely. Sleeping in on the weekends until 11 or so sometimes and how it was hard to have to get up by 8 to get to work. For the weekends, sometimes we just watched TV, other times we had to come up with plans to get out of the house. We spent some time doing projects around the house as well or I would garden. Lots and lots of downtime though! We didn't make as much money then, so no extravagant traveling. I was an organizer for a meetup group and regularly hosted events at my house or elsewhere.

I've been waking up at or before 6:30 for so long now, I can't even sleep in past 7 if given the chance. The kids have definitely made my life a lot more interesting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, it was very boring. Parenting is so much more fun and interesting. Now my oldest is 17 and I'm going to miss him when he goes off to college next year. I loved being pregnant, I loved the newborn stage (even the not sleeping and diapers), I loved every stage of their lives. I'm just cut out to be a parent.

On the other hand, work has always been very stressful for me

Op here - I too love being a parent but some days are just a slog. And I am in the thick of it with a 2, 5 and 7 year old. And an old dog. Some days I just want one weekend to do absolutely nothing.

Can you make this happen? DH take the kids and you get a hotel and just do nothing? Then you could take over a different weekend. I have done this, as have many parent friends of mine.

[Anonymous]

I worked a lot more. But we also saw our friends all the time, traveled more, and played a lot of golf.

[Anonymous]

We went to A LOT of happy hours. Then I got pregnant and quit alcohol cold turkey for obvious reasons. I'm pretty sure I had some symptoms of alcohol withdrawal, and didn't consciously appreciate how much we were drinking before that point. So having kids definitely made me healthier, even though my face and torso have aged twice as quickly as they would have otherwise.

On weekend days before kids, I'd wake up early (9AM lol), go for a run, and watch a documentary or two before my spouse got up at 11 or noon. It does seem like a lot of wasted time.

[Anonymous]

Yes, because we were older parents and had been married for a while before having kids. I enjoyed those days but other than an occasional pang for a free day I don’t really miss anything. It helps that we have an only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes could travel whenever we wanted, ate out every night, shopped a lot and we were generally bored on the weekend days.

Out of town visits on a whim without complicated plans and calendar checking. Have friends over the eat and drink on the patio, without worrying about needing to drive and pickup someone from practice or a playdate.

[Anonymous]

I remember. I do miss the freedom and most specifically, my personal independence. I miss how much of my day was purely under my control, how I used to structure nights and weekends to maximize my own joy and happiness. I also miss the way my DH and I were together pre-kids (and I know he misses that a lot) but I miss my own independence more, probably because I have given up more of that than he has.

I do love so much about being a parent, though. I can't imagine life without our DD. It's hard. You give up one thing to get something else. I love both things.

One thing I remind myself when I'm struggling is that I will regain my independence again. One day my kid will want her own independence. One day DH and I will be able to go to the movies or out to dinner or even on vacation without needing to account for her every moment of the day. This helps me be more okay with what I'm missing right now. I think only having one child helps too.

[Anonymous]

We hung out with friends (all child free at the time) every week, went to trivia nights, traveled, took art classes at the Smithsonian after work, went to the gym at night, went to shows...

It was a good life. It's a good life now too, but with too many constraints. We do plenty of outdoor activities with the kids, which I love, but I need more art and culture.