Confidence…

[Anonymous]

If you have always been a confident person… trusted your judgment, socially confident and confident in your capabilities… did you always know or feel confident?
If you were Not confident as a young person or even as a young adult… how did you grow your confidence over the years to trust yourself, your judgement, your opinion, be assertive when with others….?
I know a young adult who is SO passive, meek, uncomfortable, unable to assert an opinion or stand for a personal belief (literally this person wavered back and forth during a conversation on the pros and cons of cooking with oil vs butter and in the end voted for both. It’s not in isolation. It occurs A Lot and I’m trying to figure out if the individual is trying to be accommodating or just lacks confidence o a spine or what?)

[Anonymous]

Trust in yourself that you can handle a situation. In your case, sounds like this was very unimportant.

Why try to figure out others? If they are functioning. You aren't parenting.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this qualifies as an "adult children" thread really does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have always been a confident person… trusted your judgment, socially confident and confident in your capabilities… did you always know or feel confident?
If you were Not confident as a young person or even as a young adult… how did you grow your confidence over the years to trust yourself, your judgement, your opinion, be assertive when with others….?
I know a young adult who is SO passive, meek, uncomfortable, unable to assert an opinion or stand for a personal belief (literally this person wavered back and forth during a conversation on the pros and cons of cooking with oil vs butter and in the end voted for both. It’s not in isolation. It occurs A Lot and I’m trying to figure out if the individual is trying to be accommodating or just lacks confidence o a spine or what?)

LOL I'm guessing as a young adult they haven't had much experience yet cooking with either oil or butter. When I was a young adult I boiled everything in a pot of water on the stove.

[Anonymous]

I was not at all socially confident as a kid or adolescent or young adult. I am intelligent and have strong feelings, but I wasn't at all socially confident and had serious imposter syndrome. Eventually, as I matured, I realized that most people are full of it and many are faking it just as much as I was, and I stopped caring so much what people thought.

Also, not having strong opinions about everything is sometimes good. Like, why do you need a personal belief about cooking with butter v. oil? Why not consider the pros and cons and other people's perspective decide that both have their place? People needing to pick a side on things that don't require it can be so annoying and there's nothing wrong with a little humility.

[Anonymous]

I have always been confident and fearless, and I have always been able to make quick decisions. I was born that way. I raised my kids that way. No one respects a coward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always been confident and fearless, and I have always been able to make quick decisions. I was born that way. I raised my kids that way. No one respects a coward.

Raised a bully?

[Anonymous]

You’re not born with it you learn it and earn it through experience both positive and negative. If you play little league baseball you will gain confidence if you hit a few singles and then you can start to swing more freely and hit doubles etc. But if someone is a young adult and has zero confidence then it becomes much harder because it is engrained in them. They may well need a professional life coach to help them out.

[Anonymous]

I think I was born with it. But then I am very strange when compared to others, so I would not say that my experience is typical.

And being born with confidence is not always a good thing. I am the least financially successful among my siblings even though I am the one with the fanciest degree. I don't really feel societal pressure. My pressure comes from me wanting good things for my children.