Does your DH listen to you when you discuss finances?

[Anonymous]

DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

My husband and I agree not to try to time the market. There is less to debate and a lot less urgency in our decision making/communications.

You won’t lose 20% of your portfolio over time. It will come back! And didn’t you just save yourself from a lot of taxes by not cashing out? If you had now you would be sitting around worried about where to put the money and when?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are trying to find someone to blame for your risky crypto bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

My husband and I agree not to try to time the market. There is less to debate and a lot less urgency in our decision making/communications.

You won’t lose 20% of your portfolio over time. It will come back! And didn’t you just save yourself from a lot of taxes by not cashing out? If you had now you would be sitting around worried about where to put the money and when?

With crypto, op may lose 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

My husband and I agree not to try to time the market. There is less to debate and a lot less urgency in our decision making/communications.

You won’t lose 20% of your portfolio over time. It will come back! And didn’t you just save yourself from a lot of taxes by not cashing out? If you had now you would be sitting around worried about where to put the money and when?

With crypto, op may lose 100%

OP separated the two in their statement. They lost 20% of their portfolio and are underwater in crypto.

[Anonymous]

So does he get to be angry with you when your efforts to time the market backfire and the market goes up instead of down?

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. He doesn’t like feeling like he’s being told what to do, but he perceives me advocating for certain joint investments (with money we both made) as being told what to do.

Like yours, my DH never puts any effort into researching options though, so I think this is partly because he knows he is less knowledgeable than me and that makes him uncomfortable. A favorite refrain of his is “I want to look into it myself” but then he never does. It’s exhausting.

As a result, though we have a joint checking account and joint credit card, we mostly keep savings/investments separate.

BUT with separate accounts, if I tell him I’m going to do something with “my” money based on my research, he will say “oh that sounds good, I want to do that too” and we’ll wind up jointly investing. It’s very roundabout and it would be better, IMO, if he just admitted he’s lazy about this stuff and let me do it (with his knowledge and consent). But at least he’s open to a good idea when he hears it, I guess.

Men are so exhausting sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

My husband and I agree not to try to time the market. There is less to debate and a lot less urgency in our decision making/communications.

You won’t lose 20% of your portfolio over time. It will come back! And didn’t you just save yourself from a lot of taxes by not cashing out? If you had now you would be sitting around worried about where to put the money and when?

With crypto, op may lose 100%

OP separated the two in their statement. They lost 20% of their portfolio and are underwater in crypto.

Everyone is down at least 20%.

[Anonymous]

When you have strong differences, split it. Sell half, keep half. Together, you can always be half wrong, half right. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s a practical one.

[Anonymous]

Get a third party involved, like a financial advisor. A third party can help diffuse crazy decisions and keep the marital front united.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

My husband and I agree not to try to time the market. There is less to debate and a lot less urgency in our decision making/communications.

You won’t lose 20% of your portfolio over time. It will come back! And didn’t you just save yourself from a lot of taxes by not cashing out? If you had now you would be sitting around worried about where to put the money and when?

With crypto, op may lose 100%

OP separated the two in their statement. They lost 20% of their portfolio and are underwater in crypto.

Everyone is down at least 20%.

Not me. I went to cash in my 401k and IRA early last year and spent the last 18 months buying lots of I Bonds and paying down my mortgage. Everyone said, "You shouldn't pay off your mortgage in an inflationary environment!" and "Keep the mortgage at 4% and invest in stocks at 10%!" Not sure why people have the stupid idea that you can't time the market. Maybe you can't do it precisely day-to-day (I missed the big run-up in 2021) but it was obvious that the big drop that is happening now was bound to happen. And if you are continuing to dollar-cost average now, you will be posting in two years about how devastated you are by the even huger losses. Stocks are probably not coming back to life for about another two years, so invest (or don't invest) accordingly. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a third party involved, like a financial advisor. A third party can help diffuse crazy decisions and keep the marital front united.

Strongly recommend this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

My husband and I agree not to try to time the market. There is less to debate and a lot less urgency in our decision making/communications.

You won’t lose 20% of your portfolio over time. It will come back! And didn’t you just save yourself from a lot of taxes by not cashing out? If you had now you would be sitting around worried about where to put the money and when?

With crypto, op may lose 100%

OP separated the two in their statement. They lost 20% of their portfolio and are underwater in crypto.

Everyone is down at least 20%.

Not me. I went to cash in my 401k and IRA early last year and spent the last 18 months buying lots of I Bonds and paying down my mortgage. Everyone said, "You shouldn't pay off your mortgage in an inflationary environment!" and "Keep the mortgage at 4% and invest in stocks at 10%!" Not sure why people have the stupid idea that you can't time the market. Maybe you can't do it precisely day-to-day (I missed the big run-up in 2021) but it was obvious that the big drop that is happening now was bound to happen. And if you are continuing to dollar-cost average now, you will be posting in two years about how devastated you are by the even huger losses. Stocks are probably not coming back to life for about another two years, so invest (or don't invest) accordingly. You're welcome.

Congrats on missing the recent swoon, but it sounds like you’re mentally setup to miss the next leg higher.

[Anonymous]

My husband handles our investments and while he provides me with updates and I sit in on advisor meetings I really leave it up to him. He only invests in things he really understands (no crypto) and we keep enough in cash to weather a market swoon. We’ve been investing for over 30 years and while our returns are not stellar, solid returns and compounding have produced a very high net worth. Twice a year or so he provides me with a detailed summary so I understand where everything is. I handle all of our day to day expenses and he rarely asks me about them. If a big expense is on the horizon I will mention it to him but he trusts what I do as I trust his investing. Year to date our investments are down about 18-20% but that’s happened before and we recovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have joint accounts. I typically select the funds we invest in (because DH isn’t interested in doing the research) and we decide jointly to invest in more risky things, like crypto. When the market was at its peak, I tried to get DH to agree to cash out. He had other opinions, so we didn’t. Now that we’ve lost 20% of our portfolio and are underwater with crypto, I can’t help feeling angry that DH refused to sell when we could have come away with considerable gains. For people with joint finances, how do you decide what you do if you and your spouse have differing opinions?

My husband and I agree not to try to time the market. There is less to debate and a lot less urgency in our decision making/communications.

You won’t lose 20% of your portfolio over time. It will come back! And didn’t you just save yourself from a lot of taxes by not cashing out? If you had now you would be sitting around worried about where to put the money and when?

With crypto, op may lose 100%

OP separated the two in their statement. They lost 20% of their portfolio and are underwater in crypto.

Everyone is down at least 20%.

Not me. I went to cash in my 401k and IRA early last year and spent the last 18 months buying lots of I Bonds and paying down my mortgage. Everyone said, "You shouldn't pay off your mortgage in an inflationary environment!" and "Keep the mortgage at 4% and invest in stocks at 10%!" Not sure why people have the stupid idea that you can't time the market. Maybe you can't do it precisely day-to-day (I missed the big run-up in 2021) but it was obvious that the big drop that is happening now was bound to happen. And if you are continuing to dollar-cost average now, you will be posting in two years about how devastated you are by the even huger losses. Stocks are probably not coming back to life for about another two years, so invest (or don't invest) accordingly. You're welcome.

LOL. You got lucky. That's all. It wasn't obvious. It's only obvious in retrospect.