3yo scared at bday party

[Anonymous]

Our neighbors (whose house my 3yo is often at)
had a bday party today for their 4yo. My 3yo was excited to go but as soon as we walked in and he saw that there were about 8 kids and 6 adults there he turned around crying and said he wanted to go home. Then he sat on my lap burying himself on me before I finally coaxed him enough to give an activity a try. From there he was more comfortable but largely played with his brother or by himself versus engaging in activities with the other kids.

It made me realize that he’s very rarely been around large groups. We have socialized since covid but it’s usually with one other family at a time. Or we go places there are larger groups (playground / Gymboree) but there is no expectation of interacting.

I’m just curious of this is:
1) normal for a lot of 3yos always
2) normal for a lot of 3yos currently due to covid distancing the majority of their lives
3) no normal - abnormally high anxiety and something I should address beyond trying to get him more exposure

[Anonymous]

He needs preschool.

[Anonymous]

Not normal but not super concerning. He needs more exposure to groups.

[Anonymous]

My older kid would have been that way at 3, long before the pandemic. I was a SAHM, he hadn’t started preschool yet. He started the fall after he was 3. My younger would have dived right in. Maybe because he’d been around more groups but they are also just different personalities.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is a huge deal at age 3. Birthday parties are notoriously overstimulating, chaotic, etc.

[Anonymous]

My three year old has been in daycare and preschool throughout the pandemic, and she still gets really shy when we visit people or go to parties (although she’s also very excited ahead of time). My husband is pretty shy, but he can override his impulse to clam up at parties. I think my daughter just hasn’t learned to get past the hump of initial shyness yet and am not worried.

[Anonymous]

Has he not been in preschool? If not, it's not too late to enroll him in a casual play based 9-12pm type preschool.

Yes, 2 consecutive yrs of covid with no group socialization has ripple effects especially for kids in their formative development years.

Also, he may have a touch of shyness and anxiety- normal since your little guy was bombarded with tall people (adults) and a lot of kids (other guests) all of which were unfamiliar in a setting in which is usually familiar. Yea, that's overwhelming.
Is this his 1st bday party he's attended?

[Anonymous]

This was me at 3 and 4 (in preschool and pre-K). By 5 I had made friends in school and enjoyed parties. Turned out pretty ok but still hate making small talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is a huge deal at age 3. Birthday parties are notoriously overstimulating, chaotic, etc.

Agree, I wouldn’t describe this as outside of the realm of normal. Some kids are intimidated going into a new situation, overwhelmed by groups, slower to warm, more easily overstimulated etcetc - same as some adults. If it involved him crying and burrowing into your lap for the entirety of the party I’d be concerned, but it sounds like he eventually got up and participated and just bc he wasn’t the life of the party doesn’t mean something is wrong. Agree that continued exposure to situations like this would be wise!

[Anonymous]

My normally talkative and outgoing 3YO had a meltdown at a birthday party too. I think as multiple PPs have pointed out, the noise and excitement was just too overwhelming. He ended up being fine after I sat with him in a quiet room for a few minutes to calm down. After that episode, I RSVP'd no for an invitation for his younger sister (2YO) to attend one of her daycare friend's parties at The Little Gym, figuring the overstimulation would get to her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is a huge deal at age 3. Birthday parties are notoriously overstimulating, chaotic, etc.

+1