I just don’t want to see my sister

[Anonymous]

Background: I have never had a good relationship with my sister. Around 8 years ago my sister broke up with her boyfriend and I may have told some long distance relatives about it over the phone. Well last year she called me asking why did I tell these relatives her boyfriend kicked her out. I told her it has been 7 years ago I don't remember what I said and why are you bringing this up. She kept pestering me with questions about why did I say this why did I say that so I told her do you expect everyone to remember what they said seven years ago. I'll admit I was flippant but that's how I react when someone annoys me and anyone will be annoyed being around 5 minutes with my sister.

 

I hadn't had contact with my sister until last month when we went to my cousins wedding. We were at the table with relatives talking and chatting and all and one cousin began talking about how one of his friends is annoying. My sister kept asking him how is this friend annoying, why does that annoy you etc. I then kind of interjected well an example is your being annoying right now pestering your cousin and you annoyed me last year with why did you say this why did you say that etc. She then began asking over and over why did I bring this up I shouldn't have brought it up. I tell her to calm down were at a wedding but that made her angrier. I asked her how was I supposed to know this would offend you and told her to next time write a list of things I'm not allowed to say. Then she kept pestering me with I'm an adult I should know better and she shouldn't have to teach me how to act this isn't the first time I did this etc. Basically she ruined the whole day because I slipped the tongue.

My mom is in the hospital now with serious illness and obviously my sister will be visiting as will I but just don't want to see her. I often slip my tongue and I just don't want to have to walk on eggshells or listen to why I said this why I said that and all, especially dealing with the stress of my mother’s illness. I know it’s inevitable i will see her like for instance in funerals but she is very annoying.

[Anonymous]

Are you 12?

[Anonymous]

You gossip about your sister, you're flippant (because you want to be flippant), and you accuse people of being annoying then say they can't respond because you're at a wedding. (Why should other people behave at a wedding but not you? Unclear.)

I know you think your sister demands that you walk on eggshells around her, but from everything you've said, you sound like the jerk in this situation. I think you'd benefit from paying attention to what you say and how you say it.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP. Regardless of your sisters personality and possible annoyance I would take a hard look in the mirror.

In your brief retelling you have shown yourself to be passive aggressive, dismissive of your sister, and invalidating. It is completely unacceptable to put your sister down in a public setting amongst friends an family.

It sounds like you think you have some moral superiority over your sister and have the right to mock her in front of others. You don’t. Honestly this is mean and uncalled for. Learn to bite your tongue.

It’s also disturbing that your mom is ill and the thing you seem most hung up about is having to bump into your sister….

[Anonymous]

Is this famous troll or do you just have the same psychiatric issues as she does?

[Anonymous]

Also instead of being so defensive why not just say “wow, you know what I actually can’t remember what I said about the breakup many years ago but I can tell I upset you and I’m really sorry. I realize now it was not my story to tell and I m sorry if I hurt your feelings, was insensitive or violated your trust.”

Because in fact OP that would be a very normal and common thing to say. It would involve more empathy than self righteous indignation though.

[Anonymous]

Team sister

[Anonymous]

From the way you write, and the level of self-awareness you have accompanied by such a lack of control, it sounds as if you might have some ADHD. Do a little research, see a psychiatrist and ask. If ADHD is indeed what you suffer from, medication can help you. It will help marshal your thoughts and not give in to impulsive snark.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to guess thar you are the older sister

[Anonymous]

Xanax. That’s how I deal when I must see toxic family members. You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

So, you knew the topic of what you said 7 years ago was a sore subject for your sister, so you brought it up at a wedding?

Your sister may be annoying, but you pushed her buttons on purpose, and that’s on you. YTA.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds mean and rude if not a troll.

She hasn't returned yet so is probably a troll.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'd be pissed too if I went to a wedding and someone pestered me about that one time I annoyed them last year. Op, you seem to have some problems with social rules. Just remember next time you see your sister, DO NOT tell her she is annoying or mention any other time she has been annoying. It serves no purpose.

[Anonymous]

Wow I always wonder why some people have bad relationships with their siblings and I can see why.

You are not painting a good picture of yourself. Team Sister.

[Anonymous]

OP - you sound mean. I feel sorry for your sister. Definitely get evaluated for ADHD.