Is there a middle ground?

[Anonymous]

When traveling with parents/in-laws?

When we travel with my in-laws it’s perfectly fine. We get separate hotel rooms, sometimes even at separate hotels. We meet up occasionally, but also have lots of separate time. It’s not too much or too little, and nobody feels personally offended if we aren’t together at all times

Traveling with my parents is stress inducing. They insist on a rental. If you suggest getting your own accommodations, feelings are hurt. Every meal is eaten together. Every thing is done together. From the minute you open your eyes until the minute your head hits the pillow, you’re expected to be ON.

Is there a happy medium?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When traveling with parents/in-laws?

When we travel with my in-laws it’s perfectly fine. We get separate hotel rooms, sometimes even at separate hotels. We meet up occasionally, but also have lots of separate time. It’s not too much or too little, and nobody feels personally offended if we aren’t together at all times

Traveling with my parents is stress inducing. They insist on a rental. If you suggest getting your own accommodations, feelings are hurt. Every meal is eaten together. Every thing is done together. From the minute you open your eyes until the minute your head hits the pillow, you’re expected to be ON.

Is there a happy medium?

Isn’t the happy medium the first scenario?

[Anonymous]

Isn’t the happy medium the first scenario?

+1 I don't think you're really asking about what the happy medium is. You're asking how you can get to the happy medium with your parents without hurting their feelings. That's not going to happen - at least not the first couple of times you do it. You should weather that storm, get them accustomed to the new normal and then enjoy your travels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When traveling with parents/in-laws?

When we travel with my in-laws it’s perfectly fine. We get separate hotel rooms, sometimes even at separate hotels. We meet up occasionally, but also have lots of separate time. It’s not too much or too little, and nobody feels personally offended if we aren’t together at all times

Traveling with my parents is stress inducing. They insist on a rental. If you suggest getting your own accommodations, feelings are hurt. Every meal is eaten together. Every thing is done together. From the minute you open your eyes until the minute your head hits the pillow, you’re expected to be ON.

Is there a happy medium?

Isn’t the happy medium the first scenario?

Ideally! But I’m wondering if there’s a happy medium between the two scenarios I mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Well, if you kindly insisted on separate accommodations, then you will likely get less togetherness overall.

[Anonymous]

This is why we don’t travel with my ILs. That’s the only happy we’ve been able to find. It’s exhausting enough when they come here and want to be entertained dawn to bedtime, but at least here the kids have their own rooms and stuff and I don’t cancel their activities for these visits. On vacation they still want to be entertained but they don’t want to do anything, they just want to sit all day in the too small rental they insisted on and then get agitated when our kids aren’t quiet all day and are bored without anything to do. They don’t even want to eat out. Sorry, but it’s not a vacation if we’ve just uprooted to a more uncomfortable place and my husband and I have to cook the same number of meals as if we’d stayed at home but in an inferior and ill equipped kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Get separate accommodations and deal with the backlash.

I've dealt with this. There were tantrums, outbursts, meltdowns over the separate accommodations. But I just held firm. When it's time for another trip, they do still try to get everyone under one roof. But I just merrily say I'm all good. The tantrums don't happen any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When traveling with parents/in-laws?

When we travel with my in-laws it’s perfectly fine. We get separate hotel rooms, sometimes even at separate hotels. We meet up occasionally, but also have lots of separate time. It’s not too much or too little, and nobody feels personally offended if we aren’t together at all times

Traveling with my parents is stress inducing. They insist on a rental. If you suggest getting your own accommodations, feelings are hurt. Every meal is eaten together. Every thing is done together. From the minute you open your eyes until the minute your head hits the pillow, you’re expected to be ON.

Is there a happy medium?

Isn’t the happy medium the first scenario?

Ideally! But I’m wondering if there’s a happy medium between the two scenarios I mentioned.

I think in this case, you need to arrive at the rental two days before your parents leave so it's like an immersive experience with them, but then they go home and you spend the next four days recovering and actually enjoying your vacation.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you have to weather the storm of tears, accusations, and nagging. Relationships always boil down to who has more willpower, OP.

[Anonymous]

My happy medium is that I don't EVER travel with inlaws. EVER.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are just going to have to learn to deal with the hurt feelings about separate accommodations. Once you do it twice it will be your new normal. You really must take that step.

[Anonymous]

Why are you allowing your parents to hold you hostage with their “hurt feelings?”

[Anonymous]

Happy medium = all inclusive resort. Even better if there is a kids club. Separate rooms. Meet up for dinner every night, and share activities when there is interest/desire. This is how we travel with my extended family and it is ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy medium = all inclusive resort. Even better if there is a kids club. Separate rooms. Meet up for dinner every night, and share activities when there is interest/desire. This is how we travel with my extended family and it is ideal.

Good idea. The other thing we’ve done is a really big rental if you all want to be together. That way you have more space than two hotel rooms but are in the same house and no one is sharing a bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Manipulative people are going to manipulate. You set your boundaries politely at first. You give some compliments about what you enjoy. You let them know you need some down time as a family and come up with a plan. The easier thing to do is announce you are getting your own space now that the kids are older it works better. If they pout and cry than the other option is take a break from these vacations.

Also, are they paying? If they are paying then you need to pay for yourself. Makes it much easier to set boundaries.

I too used to post on here hoping there was a magically way to improve things with manipulative family without ruffling feathers and the truth is, there is not. Just make sure you are mature and professional as you set boundaries. I would do the whole "it's us need, not you" so they don't take it personally, but they will anyway.