Requests for gift ideas making me nuts

[Anonymous]

Total first world problem here, but it’s driving me crazy so I’m posting in hopes of getting some strategies for coping. : )

A sweet aunt buys gifts for my kids for holidays, birthdays, ect. I have told her this isn’t necessary but she insists. The problem? She engages me in DAYS of back and forth via text asking for suggestions for each occasion. And then, inevitably, she buys something completely random that we hadn’t even talked about. That 100% of the time ends up in the donation pile (lately, some items have gone directly in the trash because they’re too useless to donate). Yes, I sound like a brat typing this out. My main issue isn’t even the “stuff” and getting rid of it or the fact that it’s a total waste (which bothers me). My issue is the amount of time and energy she takes from me engaging on the gift selection. Example text exchange:

Monday:
Her: DC2’s birthday is coming up! Any gift ideas?
Me: You’re so sweet to think of her! No need to send anything!
Her: I’m buying her something! So tell me what she’s into, what she needs, what she wants.
Me: She just learned to ride a bike, so a bell or a basket for her bike would be great. Or maybe a small soccer ball to kick around the yard. Thanks!
Her: OK! I’m looking into both of those ideas. What color is her bike? What are her favorite colors? What size soccer ball would be right for her? Would she play with a basketball? If so what size?
Me: ((responds with details about colors, sizes, and a direct link to a soccer ball that would be great))

Tuesday:
Her: I was looking into gifts for DC2. I’m thinking about going in a different direction. What do you think of roller skates?
Me: That would be fun but I don’t want you to spend that much money!
Her: I want to! I remember learning to roller skate at that age. I want to get them for her. But I can’t figure out which ones.
Me: (researches, sends a link to a pair that would work plus I figure out size)
Her: This looks great!

A few hours later:
Her: I was looking at the roller skates and I’m not sure what kind of socks she would wear with them.
Me: She has tons of socks! You don’t need to send socks.
Her: (Sends links to a few pairs of socks)
Me: Seriously, no socks!

A few hours later:
Her: The roller skates seem to complicated with all the accessories. Any other ideas?
Me: How about a gift card to get ice cream? We have so much “stuff” so a consumable gift is always great
Her: she’s too young for a gift card. I want to get her something fun to open!

RINSE AND REPEAT—no joke, this goes on back and forth for another week. Random pings from her throughout the day requiring me to think about and respond to ideas and questions.

END RESULT: an amazon package arrives with something we hadn’t even discussed that is cr*p that I wouldn’t even donate.

How do I disengage from this without resorting to simply not responding to texts? If the end result is a piece of cr*p delivered to our door, so be it, but I want to get out of these text exchanges.
As I’m typing this example text exchange, I realize it sounds like she’s elderly or totally losing it – and she’s not!

Help! DC1's birthday is coming up! : )

[Anonymous]

I wish I had that problem.

[Anonymous]

Amazon Wish list? She can select from it or use it as her list of gift ideas to avoid.

[Anonymous]

You’re giving to many choices.

Her: gift idea

You: your so kind. She has been asking for x in y color. She will love it. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

You can’t. We went through this with two set of grandparents and two aunts. My kids are now teens and have their own cell phones. They can be contacted directly. Sometimes it’s a little better but not often. The random gifts come and go right to donation or sadly, trash, because some can’t be donated. A couple of them backed off and listen to the kids now but we hear complaining about it.

My oldest wants to save for a car. They still want to buy him a little toy or some type of collectable they found on the internet or FB marketplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re giving to many choices.

Her: gift idea

You: your so kind. She has been asking for x in y color. She will love it. Thank you!

Sorry for the typo.

[Anonymous]

I keep a running amazon wish list when I think of things my kids would like. It's primarily for me so I don't forget stuff, but then if someone (usually my MiL) asks I can send them the link for ideas.

If she starts asking for more details I would just refer her back to the list.

Or just stop spending time and energy on it. You don't have to respond to every text right away. You don't have to research and provide options for every suggestion. Let her do her spinning without your effort--and she'll likely end up in the same place. Change your conversation above to:

Monday:
Her: DC2’s birthday is coming up! Any gift ideas?
Me: She just learned to ride a bike, so a bell or a basket for her bike would be great. Or maybe a small soccer ball to kick around the yard. Here's an amazon wishlist I keep for her.
Her: OK! I’m looking into both of those ideas. What color is her bike? What are her favorite colors? What size soccer ball would be right for her? Would she play with a basketball? If so what size?
Me: All those details are on her wishlist.

Tuesday:
Her: I was looking into gifts for DC2. I’m thinking about going in a different direction. What do you think of roller skates?
<just ignore this for now>

A few hours later:
Her: I was looking at the roller skates and I’m not sure what kind of socks she would wear with them.
<ignore this one for now too>

A few hours later:
Her: The roller skates seem to complicated with all the accessories. Any other ideas?
Me: There's lots of ideas on the amazon wishlist I sent earlier. Those are all things she really wants right now.

[Anonymous]

I think the only option here is an amazon wish list. Direct her to it and stop responding to related texts after you do so. That sounds so annoying!

[Anonymous]

You are making it harder than it needs to be. Just do an Amazon wish list for your kid. When someone asks what my kid would like I send the list. I preface it by saying “ you don’t have to get anything off the list if you don’t want to but it will give you an idea what she likes” and I only send it if people ask for ideas.

[Anonymous]

PP with the teens back again - the Amazon wishlist is a good idea but if you are already sending links and she won’t buy them, she won’t buy items off your wishlist. I would not give any suggestions and make her speak directly to your daughter.

Aunt: I need ideas for Sally’s birthday.
You: Me too. I’ll put Sally on the phone and you can ask if she has any.

The next day
Aunt: I found roller skates that she will love. What’s her favorite color?
You: you know kids, it changes daily, call back tomorrow between 6-8 since she doesn’t have practice. She will be home and you can ask her.

The sooner you realize that relatives like this will not buy what you suggest, the calmer you will be. Have them talk to your kids. My relatives often still don’t listen but I don’t need to be in the middle.

[Anonymous]

No suggestions, but I empathize with you, OP. This would make me nuts too.

[Anonymous]

She's doing it because she's bored and wants attention from you. Maybe if you call her and have an actual conversation about real things, she'll stop trying to buy your attention.

[Anonymous]

Stop engaging the back ad forth.

Send 3 ideas.

“I sent you my 3 best ideas; that’s all I’ve got!”

Then ignore further inquiries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re giving to many choices.

Her: gift idea

You: your so kind. She has been asking for x in y color. She will love it. Thank you!

+1

[Anonymous]

Sounds exhausting. Would rather her not think about it and give nothing I like the Amazon wish list idea.