Wwyd? Mom showing some memory loss & possibly early dementia
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Anonymous
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Background is we have a strong family history of dementia/ Alzheimer's. My grandma and two of her sisters had dementia. My mother's younger sister was just diagnosed with dementia in her 60s .
In the last 18 months I've noticed my mom becoming more forgetful and repeating stories. Forgetting stories and details she's known for years. Things I know to be true. She either doesn't remember or gets the details wrong and if you correct her she'll become defensive. She'll also repeat stories she just told. She's also taken to leaving sticky notes reminders around the house. She never needed these before. She's also engaging in behavior that's out of character for her. For example taking the Lord's name in vain. I'm not sure what to do. She's very proud by nature and never has liked to admit to any faults or problems. Meaning ifI address it with her directly she will deny it My siblings aren't of any help as they tend to live in denial about things and will take whatever she says as truth. They did this when our father was dying. I feel like I'd get no help from them until it's at the point of no return. I really don't know what I should do. |
Anonymous
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I’ll be blunt OP: there isn’t much you can do. Try to talk
To your mom and get her to agree to see a neurologist. If she refuses, though, three is g much you can do, but specially if your siblings are not on board. Hopefully she will have moments of lucidity in which you can proceed but do not count on it. |
Anonymous
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You can call her doctor and share your observations and concerns with them. They likely won’t be able to discuss anything with you but hopefully will recommend the tests for dementia as part of her next check-up.
You may also want to get a geriatric care manager to help guide you through the next steps and help you deal with your siblings when it becomes necessary. Try to keep an eye on your Mom’s finances if you can because that’s one of the first things that goes with dementia — if she’s always paid her bills on time and balanced her checkbook, you may notice that she doesn’t do the math anymore. She can start missing the due dates bills and become vulnerable to scammers. Make sure she has her will, power of attorney, etc. set up. Good luck, OP. |
Anonymous
| Appeal to her pride by saying you’ve noticed m some early symptoms and you’d advise she get an evaluation. That way her doctor can nip this in the bud and give her meds to help and thus keep all on an even keel. You have to get her to think the meds will keep up appearances, while without them everyone will start to wonder or make comments when they see her forgetfulness, etc. it’s all about keeping up appearances for her. |
Anonymous
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There’s not much you can do unless she wants to/will agree to see a doctor. Even then, there’s really not much doctors can do either. It might be helpful to you to hear what a doctor has to say so you can better understand how to help your mom. Unfortunately there’s really not much to be done about dementia though. There are some medications that generally don’t help much. There are mental agility type “exercises” you can do that may be of some use but generally don’t help that much. Unfortunately it’s something that can’t be mitigated all that much even if you recognize/treat it early on. I don’t mean to sound pessimistic but we’ve been through dementia w my MIL for the past 5 years and we’ve tried a lot of things and met w a lot of doctors.
Making sure you or her other caregivers are getting lots of support is important. Understanding the various medications is important. Having a plan of what to do if the situation worsens (my MIL eventually had angry, violent outbursts and needed to be hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital bc of this) is important. |
Anonymous
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Make sure you or a sibling has power of attorney. (I forget which type of POA I had for my parent with dementia… but I know there are enough lawyers on DCUM to explain this.) If POA is not already set up, do it soon while she can still sign.
Sorry, OP. It’s tough. |
Anonymous
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is she married? if so I would talk to your dad/her spouse. I agree with getting POA set up.
I would also start thinking about long-term care. Since you are noticing this early, there is time to protect assets from Medicaid. An attorney can walk you through what makes sense and your mom may be willing to do it as part of smart estate planning even if she does not want to see a doctor about her dementia. |
Anonymous
| I've read med journal articles that say antihistamines like Benadryl, benzos like Xanax, and maybe it said SSRIs, can't remember, make it worse. Already read curcumin or turmeric helps. It helps stop those plaques in brain or something. |
Anonymous
| And not already ^^^ |
Anonymous
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Op here. My father her husband passed away a few years ago unfortunately so I don't have that support system.
As for her doctor, I have some reservations about that as that doctor wasn't even doing the Medicare memory screenings until I happened to mention it to my mom. She had one at her last appointment but they should have started like 5 years ago. She was also late on her colonoscopy because her doctor didn't realize how old she was ..I'm not sure how accurate that is or if it's my mom refusing things I know in the past she's mentioned her doctor letting her get away with stuff. As for POA, that's complicated to, she'll push back on that and is likely to pick someone who doesn't think she has an issue. |
Anonymous
| Be blunt. Remind her that your family has a prominent history of dementia and you believe she is predisposed too. Note that medical advancements are more readily available now so the key is to get to the right doctor asap. If she balks, at least you tried. |
Anonymous
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I’m sorry, OP. I don’t have reassurance, only solidarity and validation that there isn’t an easy fix. If someone isn’t living with her who is in a position to nudge her to a safer situation, you basically have to wait for a disaster to precipitate change. We’ve gone through this with our family, and they were only willing to make a change to a safer living situation or more support when they created a problem that was so obvious it couldn’t be denied. Examples: a countertop microwave fire requiring firefighters, or wandering/getting lost to the extent that they couldn’t cover it up because police became involved and the family was then referred to a social worker.
The scary thing is that a lot of these dangerous situations will happen without you noticing. We spent years with our hearts in our throats waiting for something to go wrong in a big way while becoming slowly exhausted by all of the little slips. It’s miserable. We’re at the beginning of yet another cycle of this with a relative and it’s terrifying. |
Anonymous
The doctor doesn't know how old she is? Is she putting down the wrong date on her forms? There's something off about that statement and makes me think your mother is not telling you the whole story. |
Anonymous
Can you find an article about organizing important documents? Forward it to her, say you’re planning to organize your documents… would she like to do hers at the same time? Or find some article about someone that didn’t have it in place, and the fallout from that? Sorry, OP. I know this is all tough. I’m the PP with a parent with dementia. I can’t imagine if I didn’t have POA how I would’ve gotten funds for the necessary care. |
Anonymous
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You must get your mother seen and tested by a geriatric neurologist now. Make up some lie about her doctor calling you or something and get her there.
If the diagnosis is dementia or Alzheimer’s, get an elder attorney immediately and take over her finances. We intervened with my mother a bit too late and she gave thousands of dollars away to relatives and one questionable “charity”. She also cancelled her long term health coverage (we were able to get it reinstated). It’s a terrible road ahead, OP, but you need to act now. |