Crossdressing

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure this is the right forum.

My cousin's husband has recently disclosed that he is a cross dresser. A quick google search says it is often a result of a gender identity crisis.

Can anyone explain this? I don't want to badger my cousin with questions.

[Anonymous]

Many trans women use crossdressing as a way to express their gender identity prior to coming out as trans. Not every man that crossdresses is a closeted trans woman. Some are cis men. No one can tell you for sure if he is trans or not other than him. It would be incredibly rude to ask him.

I could probably talk to him and get a pretty good idea if he’s an egg but doing an egg hunt like this is considered really wrong by the trans community. Since this person is just your cousin’s spouse, I suggest you leave them be and let them live their lives.

[Anonymous]

I am leaving them be. I asked here I didn't ask them, and wouldn't. My aunt and uncle (in their 70's and very confused) are also wondering but OF COURSE nobody is going to ask them.

[Anonymous]

NP I am wondering why it is considered so rude to ask questions. Do people who are experiencing these things not want others to understand what's going on?

[Anonymous]

How did this info come out? Did he confide in his wife and she told the whole family or did they post on FB or something? I think context matters. If they’re open about it, they’d probably take a polite question or two and you can see how the conversation progresses. If you’re just gossiping about something learned from broken confidences, maybe you should rethink that way of living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did this info come out? Did he confide in his wife and she told the whole family or did they post on FB or something? I think context matters. If they’re open about it, they’d probably take a polite question or two and you can see how the conversation progresses. If you’re just gossiping about something learned from broken confidences, maybe you should rethink that way of living.

So much judgment from one question.

Cousin told me and her parents herself. I have no idea what anybody else knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP I am wondering why it is considered so rude to ask questions. Do people who are experiencing these things not want others to understand what's going on?

Because their private crossdressing or gender identity issues (whichever it is) aren't anyone else's business. If the cousin's spouse is actually a closeted transgender person and not just a cis crossdresser, it's unbelievably inappropriate for someone to start asking them questions before they even come out. I know that people are curious about trans people but it's really hard to accept it in yourself and despite all the attention it gets, it's really not all that accepted in society. You can see loads of hate posts on this board talking about trans people.

People are acting like it's everywhere all the time now. There are more kids coming out but I assure you, it's not easy to come out as an adult. In fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. People have known you for years and now you're going to transition in front of them. Often times the changes are so slow that people that see you regularly don't even notice the changes. If someone doesn't see you for several months they notice the changes. If it's 6 months or certainly a year, you barely look the same any more. It's like when you see someone that gained or lost a bunch of weight that you hadn't seen in a long time.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it could be a gender identity crisis. It could be a fetish.

How was the information shared? Just so you would know that "Bob" might turn up at the next family function in a dress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it could be a gender identity crisis. It could be a fetish.

How was the information shared? Just so you would know that "Bob" might turn up at the next family function in a dress?

Shared while sharing serious concerns for his mental health and safety at that specific time. The immediate crisis has passed.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Again, nobody is planning on asking my cousin or her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, it could be a gender identity crisis. It could be a fetish.

How was the information shared? Just so you would know that "Bob" might turn up at the next family function in a dress?

Shared while sharing serious concerns for his mental health and safety at that specific time. The immediate crisis has passed.

I’m not sure about cis crossdressers but transgender people definitely have high rates of depression and suicidal ideation. When you look in the mirror and don’t see yourself and it seems insurmountable to transition, people get depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure this is the right forum.

My cousin's husband has recently disclosed that he is a cross dresser. A quick google search says it is often a result of a gender identity crisis.

Can anyone explain this? I don't want to badger my cousin with questions.

Search for “gender dysphoria.”

Also, sometimes people just like to wear clothes typically worn by the opposite gender. It could mean gender identity questioning or it could mean he just likes stereotypical female clothing.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those things that "shouldn't" be a problem, because women are allowed to dress like men, so why shouldn't men dress like women?

But in reality, it is a red flag, because it's a societal transgression and people who do that must have a powerful imperative to break that taboo.

[Anonymous]

What does he look like dressed as a woman? Good looking? Okay? Fugly?

[Anonymous]

Op here.

For those who tried to be helpful - thank you.

Sadly, his second attempt at suicide was successful last night.