Can someone explain the term “breadwinner” for me?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s just me, but this seems like an increasingly outdated term. I see how it applies when one person works outside of the home and the other does not, or when both partners work but one makes very little money. But what about the more typical scenario where both partners work and one makes more, but both incomes support the family lifestyle? Is the person who makes more always the “breadwinner”? What if I make more than H, but my job is insecure while his is basically guaranteed for life with pension?

I ask not because I want to label my relationship, but because the term has started to grate on me. Am I alone here?

[Anonymous]

It's an old term but still applies. If a person makes the most of the money in a family, then they would be the breadwinner. If you have the total earnings shared by both partners, then both of them are breadwinners.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't bother me, it typically references the person in the house who brings in the most money. In our house DH is the primary breadwinner, meaning his salary is larger than mine so more of our HHI comes from him. If one parent is SAH then the other is the sole breadwinner. If you make the same, then you are equally breadwinners.

What grates on you?

[Anonymous]

You seem to associate "breadwinner" as a term that applies only to one person and connotes power and security. I don't think of it that way. I think it's simply a term for people who bring a significant amount of income to a famliy. What the limits are of "significant" will vary.

[Anonymous]

DH is the "breadwinner". I make the low 6 figures but my job has a lot of flexibility and security, more so than DH. We could survive on my salary as well if needed. Thankfully that hasn't been the case thus far.

We are a complete partnership though, so the term makes no difference to me.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm like you (almost identical, actually - I make much more than DH but he has a pension and no instability and I'm terrified I'll lose my job every year), and I don't think the term "breadwinner" makes a lot of sense in this case either. We could live on the lesser income alone, we just don't. We would not be "breadless" without me, is how I see it. I think it only makes sense when there's only one income, or the second income is absolutely negligible - like part time Etsy sales or something.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I guess it doesn’t really “grate” on me like I said in my original post. It just seems like modern life and finances and family contributions tend to be more fluid than the term allows.

[Anonymous]

Quite racist, if you ask me.. A large portion of the world eats rice as their staple so won't consider bringing home bread, winning.

Also outdated with the advent of the Keto diet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quite racist, if you ask me.. A large portion of the world eats rice as their staple so won't consider bringing home bread, winning.

Also outdated with the advent of the Keto diet.

How about the avacadowinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quite racist, if you ask me.. A large portion of the world eats rice as their staple so won't consider bringing home bread, winning.

Also outdated with the advent of the Keto diet.

How about the avacadowinner?

That would be discriminatory towards non-elitists!

[Anonymous]

To me, it's appropriate when only one adult works, or when the income discrepancy is such that one job is much more important to the household functioning, so decisions like who takes off when the kids are sick, or who flexes their job around soccer carpool, are made based on that.

It's not appropriate where one member of a couple makes $100K and the other $90K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but this seems like an increasingly outdated term. I see how it applies when one person works outside of the home and the other does not, or when both partners work but one makes very little money. But what about the more typical scenario where both partners work and one makes more, but both incomes support the family lifestyle? Is the person who makes more always the “breadwinner”? What if I make more than H, but my job is insecure while his is basically guaranteed for life with pension?

I ask not because I want to label my relationship, but because the term has started to grate on me. Am I alone here?

Both working is still not typical. Just look here. Full of SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but this seems like an increasingly outdated term. I see how it applies when one person works outside of the home and the other does not, or when both partners work but one makes very little money. But what about the more typical scenario where both partners work and one makes more, but both incomes support the family lifestyle? Is the person who makes more always the “breadwinner”? What if I make more than H, but my job is insecure while his is basically guaranteed for life with pension?

I ask not because I want to label my relationship, but because the term has started to grate on me. Am I alone here?

Yes. You are completely alone here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just me, but this seems like an increasingly outdated term. I see how it applies when one person works outside of the home and the other does not, or when both partners work but one makes very little money. But what about the more typical scenario where both partners work and one makes more, but both incomes support the family lifestyle? Is the person who makes more always the “breadwinner”? What if I make more than H, but my job is insecure while his is basically guaranteed for life with pension?

I ask not because I want to label my relationship, but because the term has started to grate on me. Am I alone here?

You sound unhinged.

It’s pretty simple. The person who makes more money. DH and I have gone back and forth as the breadwinner. I stepped away from my VP job 2 years ago and took a big pay cut and told DH he needs to be the breadwinner for some time. I will go back to breadwinner status in 3 years at which time he will retire, as I have the job that can be done anywhere on planet earth and still being in 225k. His current breadwinner status has him chained to a lot of travel.

[Anonymous]

I love all the replies on DCUM that start with “you sound awful.” “You sound unhinged.” “You sound bitter.” I know then to not read any further.