How to deal with comments about parenting

[Anonymous]

I have a newborn and hired a PT doula to come 3 days a week so I can have a break. My baby is very easy ( I’ve been told) but it’s still exhausting and I felt like I needed a break to nap, run errands, or just have some time to myself. We have had family in town this past week. They have made multiple comments about me hiring help and have been making me feel bad about. My husband sticks up for me but my mom has made rude comments about her never needing help. My sister has also made rude remarks about it. Another thing is I was told by many friends to get the Snoo. I have loved it and my baby sleeps very well in it. They stayed with us last week and made rude comments about it being “ lazy parenting” and that I don’t hold him enough. I also follow on-demand (except for a strict feeding routine) and they have talked about how they had their babies on a scheduled and sleeping through the night. My mom has said multiple times since then how important it is to hold your baby. I know I should just ignore their comments but it gets to me. How do you deal with rude comments about your parenting?

[Anonymous]

Blow it off and let them know clearly that you are blowing them off. Seriously. Nip it in the bud because it will continue u til your kid is applying to college if you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Are you holding your baby enough? That’s the only comment I’d take in.

Other than that, shine it on.

[Anonymous]

If you were holding the baby all the time they'd be making comments about how you never put the baby down. Their memories about sleeping through the night and schedules are probably wrong. Your choices are fine--they just want to criticize.

I'd probably avoid inviting them to stay and not share much about my parenting style. When they do start in, just smile, don't take the bait, and switch the subject. Or you can always go the Carolyn Hax method and just reply "Wow" to any particularly nasty comments.

Mom: I never needed any help when I was home with you kids.
You: That must have been hard sometimes. You were such a great mom. I really loved how you always "insert nice childhood memory"

Sister: You need to get that baby on a schedule--I can't believe you don't have one.
You: Speaking of schedules, did nephew's soccer season start up yet? How are you balancing his practices and niece's robotics team?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you holding your baby enough? That’s the only comment I’d take in.

Other than that, shine it on.

OP here. I think I do. My baby naps 4-5 times a day ( 2 months old) and I slam it always put him down in the Snoo unless he is having a hard time with naps or I want to go on a walk. I will then put him in a carrier or wrap and hold him. When he is awake, we play on his play gym, read, I hold him and talk to him, etc. My husband takes him after he is done working and holds him most of the evening until he goes to bed.

[Anonymous]

A newborn shouldn’t be on a strict feeding schedule. That’s the only issue I see here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you holding your baby enough? That’s the only comment I’d take in.

Other than that, shine it on.

OP here. I think I do. My baby naps 4-5 times a day ( 2 months old) and I slam it always put him down in the Snoo unless he is having a hard time with naps or I want to go on a walk. I will then put him in a carrier or wrap and hold him. When he is awake, we play on his play gym, read, I hold him and talk to him, etc. My husband takes him after he is done working and holds him most of the evening until he goes to bed.

Great! Then tell them all to go pound sand!

[Anonymous]

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

And stop having them over and don’t feel guilty about it. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

You are doing great. They are jealous and probably don’t remember how hard it is. Ignore them. They certainly aren’t being supportive. If my sister or mom called me a lazy parent to a newborn, I’d probably stop talking to them for a bit to cool off.

[Anonymous]

To be totally honest, I see where they are coming from on some of the comments. But guess what? How you raise your baby isn't my business. And it isn't their's either.

The "thanks, I'll keep that in mind" pp is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A newborn shouldn’t be on a strict feeding schedule. That’s the only issue I see here.

This. You say you "follow on demand (except for a strict feeding routine.)" it seems contradictory, unless I'm misunderstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are doing great. They are jealous and probably don’t remember how hard it is. Ignore them. They certainly aren’t being supportive. If my sister or mom called me a lazy parent to a newborn, I’d probably stop talking to them for a bit to cool off.

+1. I would seriously be like "get out. NOW" and let them grovel if they wanted to see me and my kid again. What a nerve. Sorry you're dealing with this, OP. Hugs to you - and don't be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

If I could have afforded to hire someone to help me when my first was born, I would have. And I probably would have been a way better mom with the help. As it was I was so tired and had no clue what I was doing.

Make sure you are actually bonding with your baby. If you are not, it can be a sign of postpartum depression and you should talk to your dr.

Otherwise, ignore them and talk to them less.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your family (since you put all the details out there) but just ignore them.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, none of their business. Babies are hard, getting help is not a bad thing.

If the PT help is a financial burden for your DH, the in-laws might sympathize through rude comments (but should still keep to themselves); your own family can buzz off.