You Want Me to Watch the Kids While You Go Out with Other Men?, Where Are They Now

[Anonymous]

Overview:

“In this episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel, we revisit a couple two years after Esther helped them negotiate an open marriage. What began as a one-sided non-monogamy between primary partners has evolved into a polyamory for both. The pair remains joined by co-nesting, co-parenting, and salvaging residual pleasures of their fifteen years together.“

https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s5-episode9?utm_source=LI&utm_medium=Post

[Anonymous]

OK, I'll bite.

Once the wife explained what a man-child snowflake her husband is in terms of jobs, I was done. Like, why are they talking about date nights and "fun" and open marriage when the real issue is, not sexual incompatibility, but her deep resentment and disrespect for him (deserved)?

That said, the turn it took at the end did make me cry in empathy. I'm also on my period though, so...🤷‍♀️ But, overall, I'm team wife.

Marriages like these are so tough, where there's love and friendship and time and no abuse and no "good enough" reason to divorce, so you contort yourself into all sorts of ultimately unsatisfying arrangements in order to avoid ending things, even though I'm convinced she'd feel such a weight lifted if he were out of her life tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of a sex blog I used to read called "Down to There." I think she pulled down the blog posts when she became a "sex and relationship coach." At the beginning of the blog, she was the low libido partner in a marriage who was trying to work on increasing her libido. This led to some better sex with her husband. Then it led to an open relationship where she seemed to be the only one "dating." Then there was a divorce. Then the blogging stopped, and I guess now she's a sex and relationship coach.

[Anonymous]

That lady is into polygamy. Yes it may be the tendency/wishes of some people but is it really something they should lean into? I don't know why she has such a platform.

[Anonymous]

The phrase "salvaging residual pleasures" should be the end of this nonsense. What a pitiful way to live. Like a PP says above: "You contort yourself into all sorts of ultimately unsatisfying arrangements in order to avoid ending things, even though I'm convinced she'd feel such a weight lifted if he were out of her life tomorrow." Polygamy, polyamory, etc. while trying to "salvage residual pleasures" is just a contortion act, and its evangelists bray about how wonderful it is so they can feel justified in either cheating or grimly accepting a spouse's cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of a sex blog I used to read called "Down to There." I think she pulled down the blog posts when she became a "sex and relationship coach." At the beginning of the blog, she was the low libido partner in a marriage who was trying to work on increasing her libido. This led to some better sex with her husband. Then it led to an open relationship where she seemed to be the only one "dating." Then there was a divorce. Then the blogging stopped, and I guess now she's a sex and relationship coach.

She sounds like the last person who should be giving out relationship advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The phrase "salvaging residual pleasures" should be the end of this nonsense. What a pitiful way to live. Like a PP says above: "You contort yourself into all sorts of ultimately unsatisfying arrangements in order to avoid ending things, even though I'm convinced she'd feel such a weight lifted if he were out of her life tomorrow." Polygamy, polyamory, etc. while trying to "salvage residual pleasures" is just a contortion act, and its evangelists bray about how wonderful it is so they can feel justified in either cheating or grimly accepting a spouse's cheating.

I couldn't agree more. Just get a f000king divorce already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of a sex blog I used to read called "Down to There." I think she pulled down the blog posts when she became a "sex and relationship coach." At the beginning of the blog, she was the low libido partner in a marriage who was trying to work on increasing her libido. This led to some better sex with her husband. Then it led to an open relationship where she seemed to be the only one "dating." Then there was a divorce. Then the blogging stopped, and I guess now she's a sex and relationship coach.

She sounds like the last person who should be giving out relationship advice.

You would be shocked at so many therapists' personal lives. So many should not be handing out advice. Being divorced three times doesn't mean you now know more about marriage/relationships, but possibly divorce proceedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of a sex blog I used to read called "Down to There." I think she pulled down the blog posts when she became a "sex and relationship coach." At the beginning of the blog, she was the low libido partner in a marriage who was trying to work on increasing her libido. This led to some better sex with her husband. Then it led to an open relationship where she seemed to be the only one "dating." Then there was a divorce. Then the blogging stopped, and I guess now she's a sex and relationship coach.

She sounds like the last person who should be giving out relationship advice.

You would be shocked at so many therapists' personal lives. So many should not be handing out advice. Being divorced three times doesn't mean you now know more about marriage/relationships, but possibly divorce proceedings.

Damaged people are attracted to therapy like pedophiles are attracted to kids' activities.

[Anonymous]

Not surprised that she had success dating while he got dumped by two women. He can’t figure out why his law degree is not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That lady is into polygamy. Yes it may be the tendency/wishes of some people but is it really something they should lean into? I don't know why she has such a platform.

You mean polyamory?

[Anonymous]

I can’t listen right now but I’m so curious. What was the guys deal? Why is he a man-child? Did he cheat?

I do believe non-monogamy is the right choice for some people but doing it to cling on to a half crappy marriage doesn’t seem better than divorce to me, but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t listen right now but I’m so curious. What was the guys deal? Why is he a man-child? Did he cheat?

I do believe non-monogamy is the right choice for some people but doing it to cling on to a half crappy marriage doesn’t seem better than divorce to me, but to each their own.

He didn’t cheat, and their issue has nothing to do with sex, it stems from his childhood and race. His wife is the one who asked for an open marriage. It’s always interesting to hear how Esther gets to the root of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t listen right now but I’m so curious. What was the guys deal? Why is he a man-child? Did he cheat?

I do believe non-monogamy is the right choice for some people but doing it to cling on to a half crappy marriage doesn’t seem better than divorce to me, but to each their own.

I'm the one who called him a man-child snowflake about working, because apparently he got expensive degrees with loans that his wife is still paying back, but he quit or got fired from every job he took because they weren't "fun" enough, meanwhile his wife is slogging through her crappy job because someone has to be the adult and earn money.

I'm telling you, I'd be DONE.