DW still nursing a 20 month old on demand.

[Anonymous]

I’ve stayed out of my wife’s decision to keep breastfeeding our daughter whenever she wants but it’s now becoming a problem. My wife and I both work from home (with a nanny) so I can hear my daughter crying for “best” [breast]. It’s the only time she cries all day long. If my wife can’t take her immediately, my daughter sons like she’s been rejected. My wife can’t sit for one minute with my daughter without nursing. My older child, 3.5, resents it and our nanny is getting tired of it. My wife has tried to only nurse at certain times but just gives in and nurses whenever my daughter wants to.

Can I ask her to stop? I know it’s supposedly a horrible thing to do but it’s my child too and I hate to see her miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve stayed out of my wife’s decision to keep breastfeeding our daughter whenever she wants but it’s now becoming a problem. My wife and I both work from home (with a nanny) so I can hear my daughter crying for “best” [breast]. It’s the only time she cries all day long. If my wife can’t take her immediately, my daughter sons like she’s been rejected. My wife can’t sit for one minute with my daughter without nursing. My older child, 3.5, resents it and our nanny is getting tired of it. My wife has tried to only nurse at certain times but just gives in and nurses whenever my daughter wants to.

Can I ask her to stop? I know it’s supposedly a horrible thing to do but it’s my child too and I hate to see her miserable.

You can insist on boundaries and rules but breastfeeding a 20month old is not in and of itself harmful. The lack of boundaries are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve stayed out of my wife’s decision to keep breastfeeding our daughter whenever she wants but it’s now becoming a problem. My wife and I both work from home (with a nanny) so I can hear my daughter crying for “best” [breast]. It’s the only time she cries all day long. If my wife can’t take her immediately, my daughter sons like she’s been rejected. My wife can’t sit for one minute with my daughter without nursing. My older child, 3.5, resents it and our nanny is getting tired of it. My wife has tried to only nurse at certain times but just gives in and nurses whenever my daughter wants to.

Can I ask her to stop? I know it’s supposedly a horrible thing to do but it’s my child too and I hate to see her miserable.

You can insist on boundaries and rules but breastfeeding a 20month old is not in and of itself harmful. The lack of boundaries are.

Husband/father here. Trust me, I have tried with insisting on boundaries but my wife simply cannot do it. My daughter is insistent and sobs if denied.

[Anonymous]

I think your wife has to stay out of sight of the younger child. Could the nanny take the kids out of the house for small portions of the day? 20 months is still within the real of normal. I don’t think you can convince your wife to wean until she and baby are both ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife has to stay out of sight of the younger child. Could the nanny take the kids out of the house for small portions of the day? 20 months is still within the real of normal. I don’t think you can convince your wife to wean until she and baby are both ready.

Our nanny takes our daughter out all the time but can’t keep her out of the house all day!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your wife has to stay out of sight of the younger child. Could the nanny take the kids out of the house for small portions of the day? 20 months is still within the real of normal. I don’t think you can convince your wife to wean until she and baby are both ready.

And my daughter knows where my wife’s office is and tells us she’s going to Mommy for breast. You cannot distract her and she cries and calls for Mommy u til Mommy let’s her in.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could talk to the pediatrician. He might have advice on weaning. It sounds like nobody’s happy with the current arrangement. I have absolutely no expertise, but I wonder if maybe she’s not getting enough nutrition anymore from nursing and might do better on solids. If nothing else, he might be able to provide reassurance that your daughter will be okay if she isn’t immediately breastfed upon request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could talk to the pediatrician. He might have advice on weaning. It sounds like nobody’s happy with the current arrangement. I have absolutely no expertise, but I wonder if maybe she’s not getting enough nutrition anymore from nursing and might do better on solids. If nothing else, he might be able to provide reassurance that your daughter will be okay if she isn’t immediately breastfed upon request.

Pediatrician has already told my wife that. And daughter is a good eater. My wife gives into breastfeeding demands to keep my daughter from crying.

[Anonymous]

Clearly this isn’t about nourishment, but about attention. Could your wife start by cuddling your dd when she asks for breast, but telling dd that she doesn’t have any more milk right then, but she will later? It sounds like your dd needs to know that she can get snuggled close without nursing. Once she understands that she doesn’t have to nurse to get comfort, the next step is to gradually increase the time between snuggles. Maybe an occasional 30 second FaceTime could replace a snuggle time. Also, your wife may be able to get through a conference call (or whatever she needs to do) if she makes sure to give dd some snuggle time immediately beforehand.

[Anonymous]

To be clear here, you’re saying you hate to see the *child* miserable? If that’s your concern, that’s not a concern. It’s not going to hurt your child at all to be upset while waiting for mommy. It’s actually a perfectly reasonable thing to be upset about that is easily resolved and thus laying the emotional ground work for patience. It’s a win. You/nanny validates the emotion, eg “it’s hard to wait for mommy isn’t it. You’re upset about having to wait.” Then you just calmly wait. Then after, “you waited for mommy, and then when she came you were happy!”

Nursing at 20 months sounds like torture to me but it would not be because the kid is upset while waiting. That’s actually totally fine and a very manageable and appropriate challenge for both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could talk to the pediatrician. He might have advice on weaning. It sounds like nobody’s happy with the current arrangement. I have absolutely no expertise, but I wonder if maybe she’s not getting enough nutrition anymore from nursing and might do better on solids. If nothing else, he might be able to provide reassurance that your daughter will be okay if she isn’t immediately breastfed upon request.

WTF really? Please dont feign this as an arguement.

OP- if it were a lovey that she couldnt sleep without or sit on the couch without would you have the same response? Or a paci?

Nursing is comforting to children and it goes in ebbs and flows. The more hysterical she gets and the more you try to take it away and then let her nurse is making it anxiety provoking. If your wife is okay with it what does it matter? Do you care because she wants it or because she cries when hse cant get it?

[Anonymous]

I assume your baby is on solid food so this isn’t about nutrition. Who is not happy with the nursing—you or your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly this isn’t about nourishment, but about attention. Could your wife start by cuddling your dd when she asks for breast, but telling dd that she doesn’t have any more milk right then, but she will later? It sounds like your dd needs to know that she can get snuggled close without nursing. Once she understands that she doesn’t have to nurse to get comfort, the next step is to gradually increase the time between snuggles. Maybe an occasional 30 second FaceTime could replace a snuggle time. Also, your wife may be able to get through a conference call (or whatever she needs to do) if she makes sure to give dd some snuggle time immediately beforehand.

Yeah, my daughter knows Mommy will snuggle her anytime. But when she wants breast - she wants breast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume your baby is on solid food so this isn’t about nutrition. Who is not happy with the nursing—you or your wife?

Me, my older child, and our nanny are all unhappy with my my daughter crying to be breastfed. And that’s the only time she sobs all day.

[Anonymous]

OP you might be under the impression that your wife doesn’t want to nurse any more and just “gives in” but she clearly does want to keep nursing, or she would stop.