Required known donor counseling

[Anonymous]

I am prepping for an IVF cycle at Shady Grove. I have a friend that is going to be a known donor. I'm a lesbian. I understand the legal risks to using a known donor, so let's not get off track here. They require counseling for both of us. They want him to take a personality test and go through an interview, me to have an interview and then a group counseling with both of us. I was angry when I found out that it was up to them to either reject or accept him. I feel like their opinion of his suitablility to be a donor is not their decision, but that is for another thread.

What is the counseling like? What kinds of things am I going to be asked in the interview?

I'd like to know what they are going to require of him to be "acceptable", but I'm not sure anyone on DCUM has the answer to that one.

Any thoughts? Advice?

[Anonymous]

We used a known donor at CFA and were required to have individual and joint counseling sessions. The stated purpose of the requirement was not to "accept" or not the donor arrangement, but rather to ensure full information, consideration, and communication. The sessions were a silly (and expensive) waste of time, as we had discussed at great length with our donor all of the relevant issues (e.g., what the child will be told, what kind of relationship the donor will have with the child, views of the donor's spouse, etc.). Worse, the social worker felt free to ask in addition irrelevant and intrusive questions (including whether we would ever move to a state like Kansas, what our child's last name will be, etc.), which seemed to arise from her own simple curiosity.

I would think that, to the extent Shady Grove is actually evaluating whether your donor is "acceptable," the judgment would be based on whether it appears that the two of you (or the four of you, if you are both partnered/married) have communicated fully and openly about the challenges and gifts of your arrangement and whether your expectations are aligned.