I need my husband to bring some ideas, goals, energy, something to our relationship and life

[Anonymous]

I love my husband and don’t want to be with anyone else. Our romantic/sex life, no complaints. He’s not exactly romantic but that hasn’t changed. He has zero goals, dreams or plans for our family’s life. We have two young kids. I end up planning our dates every week (we do date night 1x a week), end up registering the kids for everything, make all our holiday plans, make all our travel plans, make all our social plans.. I’ve asked him many times to come up with some ideas for anything and nada. It’s beyond frustrating bc I feel lonely emotionally in our marriage bc he shows no zest or passion for anything but his career (management in tech industry) .. he avoids life planning goals, etc. I have confronted him many times and nothing happening. He was a D1 athlete and doesn’t work out at all anymore, just zero passions with the exception of work and watching sports.

[Anonymous]

Could be just this stage of life. Two young kids and work will sap the life out of you. Do you work too? If not, he may just expect you to pick up the slack on family planning stuff.

[Anonymous]

He's working hard to support you. Show some gratitude. Give the guy a break.

[Anonymous]

Couples therapy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this dynamic:

https://www.drpsychmom.com/2014/12/28/couples-meet-counseling-4-wife-wants-annoyingly-satisfied-husband/

[Anonymous]

He was a D1 athlete he realizes all that over the top hyper driven goal oriented stuff is crap and a miserable way to be. He probably wishes you would learn how to be in the present instead of planning the perfect next thing

[Anonymous]

If you don't work you have no idea what it takes mentally to be at work. Leave your husband alone. As long as he brings good paycheck and you have his money, be happy. I work full time as a mom and come home exhausted and still have to plan meals, grocery, trips, cleaning the house etc. It is exhausting. My husband is semi-retired and doesn't bring any good paychecks anymore, so I have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband and don’t want to be with anyone else. Our romantic/sex life, no complaints. He’s not exactly romantic but that hasn’t changed. He has zero goals, dreams or plans for our family’s life. We have two young kids. I end up planning our dates every week (we do date night 1x a week), end up registering the kids for everything, make all our holiday plans, make all our travel plans, make all our social plans.. I’ve asked him many times to come up with some ideas for anything and nada. It’s beyond frustrating bc I feel lonely emotionally in our marriage bc he shows no zest or passion for anything but his career (management in tech industry) .. he avoids life planning goals, etc. I have confronted him many times and nothing happening. He was a D1 athlete and doesn’t work out at all anymore, just zero passions with the exception of work and watching sports.

Be glad he gives you freedom to orchestrate the personal life. Outsource some of the more mundane tasks that are making you feel overwhelmed (Travel plans, kid registrations, etc) and carve out some time to focus on him.

If the social plans are always something that you are interested in, maybe he feels like he's doing his part by tagging along.

[Anonymous]

What are your goals, dreams and plans for your family?

[Anonymous]

Do you work? Or, if you do are you in management? I manage upwards of 60 people across the country and it is quite draining. If my spouse were planning everything I wouldn’t lift a finger either. Consider it a division of labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was a D1 athlete he realizes all that over the top hyper driven goal oriented stuff is crap and a miserable way to be. He probably wishes you would learn how to be in the present instead of planning the perfect next thing

Ding ding ding, maybe he just wants to be with you.

[Anonymous]

“Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction.”
~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Having a life partner who isn’t actually interested in living life with you or planning a future with you sounds lonely. I don’t know that outsourcing travel planning is going to help. What you want is not help with managing the details, but a partner who is enthusiastic about taking the trip.

Do you know what his issue is? I’m sure that he has plans for his life and your life together. What makes it so hard for him to share them?

[Anonymous]

Try a compromise to slowly give him more responsibility.

"Which of these three restaurants would you like to go to for our date night?"

"For our next vacation, would you prefer the beach or mountains?"

[Anonymous]

Does he enjoy the date nights you plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try a compromise to slowly give him more responsibility.

"Which of these three restaurants would you like to go to for our date night?"

"For our next vacation, would you prefer the beach or mountains?"

I’m a wife and I have trouble with these types of suggestions. For one, restaurants are overpriced and I am not ready to travel yet with the ongoing pandemic….I think the OP is high maintenance.