making friends

[Anonymous]

my wife and I live in rural california and send our kids to a small private school. we are the only lesbian parents, though there are a couple of gay parents. I don’t know how to phrase this question exactly. do straight parents have any hesitation around bonding with lgbtq families, sending their kids over for play dates, sleepovers, etc.? coming out of covid and being somewhat new in the community I have a bit of insecurity around this. totally unfounded, or to some degree justified? whether you’re a straight family with lgbtq friends or a lgbtq family, please tell me your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting question OP! I'm also a mom in a two-mom family and sometimes wonder about how it affects friendships. I live outside a large liberal city (not DC) so mostly I don't think it matters much, except that sometimes it can be hard to be couple friends just because of gender dynamics.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the area/family, honestly. I try to be upfront with my nontraditional family structure early in making friends (not confrontationally or anything, just making sure to drop comments about my queerness in the conversation/references to my wife) so I/my kids won't have people they're starting to like pull away when they learn about it. My friend group involves some straight couples, some lesbian couples, some single moms by choices (straight and queer both), and a bunch of childfree people of a wide array of sexualities and relationship status. It's much harder when you're new and trying to make the first set of friends, though. Maybe just start with a small playdate with one other family, specifically mentioned that both you and your wife will be there? Hopefully you'll get a good response and once you have one friend, it's a bit easier to have confidence and expand your circle. You could even start with one of the gay couples if you know them/their kids. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Depends on the area but here in Northern Virginia I have had zero problems as an out lesbian mom, even with kids’ friends whose parents are conservative and/or Christian.

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one. How progressive is your area? Did they vote Trump or Biden? I really think that makes a difference. We had a lovely two mom family in our neighborhood who seemed to do fine. Their daughter was our babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Depends very much on the area and the school (is it a religious school? Is the area politically conservative?). I doubt that you will encounter overt ostracism or hostility from other families. And it might be hard to tell if your child is missing out on social opportunities because you're gay, or for any other of the myriad reasons why kids and parents are sometimes flaky. Be friendly and confident, and you'll find your tribe.

[Anonymous]

We are a 2 mom family with two teens in the DMV. The kids have gone to everything from tiny preschools, to small private school (religious affiliated), to large public schools and we have never had issues. In fact, I think people felt more comfortable with 2 women in the home. We have also been very active in PTA, volunteering, etc.

In all of the schools and even in our neighborhood (where we are active with swim team) we are the only out same sex parents that we know of. Our family has 1000% been accepted and included and now 99.9% of our friends are straight! LOL