Which traditional privates take very high functioning Kids with autism

[Anonymous]

McLean offers real academic flexibility (rigor and support) to make sure quirky kids really work to their potential. There are a lot of kids at McLean who might be considered awkward at a mainstream private. The social atmosphere is accepting of all kinds of difference. At St. Andrew's the faculty supports kindness to kids who are quirky, and they are truly proactive about letting the kids know they are expected to be kind and accepting. The middle school head is great about this. But most of the kids at St. Andrew's are socially mainstream, and outside of school, make and maintain their own friendships. It sounds like your daughter will do well academically anywhere, but you would like her to have nice friends. She'll have a bigger field to choose from at St. Andrew's than McLean, but may find most of the girls sophisticated in a mainstream way. McLean would have a smaller group from which to find her own circle. Don't know if this helps. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fear of stigma is far worse than actual stigma because it keeps parents from giving their children what they need. This is not directed at OP, who didn't raise the issue of stigma. But I have seen parents make terrible mistakes because of some overblown fear that sending their child to a school that can actually support their needs will somehow harm them.

12:29, without questioning that this might be your experience ours was very different. We opted in favor of the additional services in an SN setting trusting that when the time came to make a switch our child's positive attributes and strong capabilities would be appreciated and our decision to get some extra early help understood in context. But we had one hell of a time getting accepted at a mainstream school afterward despite strong test scores across the board. Friends of ours who redacted info about SN background did much better even in instances where their children had significantly more serious challenges. Fortunately after beating our heads against the wall for a while we found a school that was not so closed-minded. Our child immediately did great, as we knew they would -- performing at the top of the class academically and being popular socially. There is absolutely no doubt in our mind that our child would also have performed well at several of the other schools we looked at if they had not been blinded by the SN background.

Bottom line is that we pooh-poohed the concern about stigma for a long time and almost undercut our child's future opportunities as a result.

Even beyond this we learned that when we didn't provide background info to teachers (for example extracurricular), expectations were kept high and our child did very well in their classes. We only ran into problems when our child's background followed them around.

And frankly we got some bad advice about this from professionals; professionals have a particular take on things because they work with these kids and assume that because they don't stigmatize such kids that others won't. Our experience shows that to be incorrect.

I'm not suggesting that people should deny their kids needed support. We didn't deny that to our child and I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing so. But the idea that there is no stigma out there is, we have found, naive and wrong. There's a ton of it. Admissions people may say there isn't, but they are human, and there is.

YES! We completely agree. It was well-known at our private that if your DC had ADHD NOT to mention to anyone because then there would be gossip, your child would be earmarked, and teachers would use the diagnosis as a reason to "give up". I saw it happen over and over and over. And the gossip mill just made it worse. As a resutl, we didn't tell the school that DC had ADHD until I caught the teachers being abusive on Parent Observation Day. Then I called a meeting and disclosed that DC might have ADHD. Dumb dumb dumb. The school didn't do anything for DC and the situation just became worse so we and our money left. Those other parents who had ADHD diagnoses and kids were even on meds. learned from these experiences and never disclosed to the private school. I wish that weren't the case, but in some schools it's just the excuse that lazy teachers or teachers who don't want to learn how to differentiate need to ignore your child.

YES also to all the "professionals" in the ADHD field who argue incessantly that your child MUST be told their diagnosis. Why? So they can then sign your kid up for therapy, psychotherapy, blood work (some nut who was really into PANDAS - wrong), social groups, brain exercises, nutrition experts and now "mindfulness training". Every single professional we saw argued that DC, who was young at that point, be told. I knew my DC and knew s/he had anxiety issues and would do better if not "told". And we were right. DC's ego was very fragile. We knew that a diagnosis of something "being wrong" would lead to DC giving up. So we didn't tell DC. And, guess what? Further testing showed no signs of ADHD. I.Q. in the Mensa range. No ADHD. So be careful about having professionals being too anxious to label your child. I completely agree with PP. (also it varies from child to child but in our case not labeling was the correct move)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


YES! We completely agree. It was well-known at our private that if your DC had ADHD NOT to mention to anyone because then there would be gossip, your child would be earmarked, and teachers would use the diagnosis as a reason to "give up". I saw it happen over and over and over. And the gossip mill just made it worse. As a resutl, we didn't tell the school that DC had ADHD until I caught the teachers being abusive on Parent Observation Day. Then I called a meeting and disclosed that DC might have ADHD. Dumb dumb dumb. The school didn't do anything for DC and the situation just became worse so we and our money left. Those other parents who had ADHD diagnoses and kids were even on meds. learned from these experiences and never disclosed to the private school. I wish that weren't the case, but in some schools it's just the excuse that lazy teachers or teachers who don't want to learn how to differentiate need to ignore your child.

The lesson I draw from your story is that you were in a really crappy school with some really crappy teachers. Regardless of your kid's diagnosis/lack of diagnosis, would you want your child in a school where adults gossiped about kids and were abusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


YES! We completely agree. It was well-known at our private that if your DC had ADHD NOT to mention to anyone because then there would be gossip, your child would be earmarked, and teachers would use the diagnosis as a reason to "give up". I saw it happen over and over and over. And the gossip mill just made it worse. As a resutl, we didn't tell the school that DC had ADHD until I caught the teachers being abusive on Parent Observation Day. Then I called a meeting and disclosed that DC might have ADHD. Dumb dumb dumb. The school didn't do anything for DC and the situation just became worse so we and our money left. Those other parents who had ADHD diagnoses and kids were even on meds. learned from these experiences and never disclosed to the private school. I wish that weren't the case, but in some schools it's just the excuse that lazy teachers or teachers who don't want to learn how to differentiate need to ignore your child.

The lesson I draw from your story is that you were in a really crappy school with some really crappy teachers. Regardless of your kid's diagnosis/lack of diagnosis, would you want your child in a school where adults gossiped about kids and were abusive?

Sounds like the school we're in now. Sometimes you don't know that your kid has a diagnosis before you enroll, sometimes you believe that the negative posts were posted by just one or two disgruntled people…and then you see all the bad things others warned about happening to your kid who is "labeled."

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have any information on how Maret handles kids with High-Functioning Autism? I'm looking for a high school for my DD, who has HFA and some controlled ADHD and sensory issues. Like OP's daughter, very bright, very kind, and absolutely no behavioral issues. We are coming from a SN school, so I'm wondering if it's even worth applying.

[Anonymous]

No specific personal knowledge of Maret with HFA kids, but Maret is tough for everyone because it is so small. Small can be good for an HFA kid in a very nurturing environment, but in a school with a larger proportion of socially fast kids small could be worse for an HFA kid. You didn't say what grade your DD is in, but if I were you I would be asking about social issues, school culture, how the faculty/administration sees its roles in that (hands off or more active), etc. I think it is even harder potentially for an HFA girl. That said, there are lots of nice kids out there who will support a kid who is different, but you do have to look around a bit and potentially broader your search. Good luck 5:09

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


YES! We completely agree. It was well-known at our private that if your DC had ADHD NOT to mention to anyone because then there would be gossip, your child would be earmarked, and teachers would use the diagnosis as a reason to "give up". I saw it happen over and over and over. And the gossip mill just made it worse. As a resutl, we didn't tell the school that DC had ADHD until I caught the teachers being abusive on Parent Observation Day. Then I called a meeting and disclosed that DC might have ADHD. Dumb dumb dumb. The school didn't do anything for DC and the situation just became worse so we and our money left. Those other parents who had ADHD diagnoses and kids were even on meds. learned from these experiences and never disclosed to the private school. I wish that weren't the case, but in some schools it's just the excuse that lazy teachers or teachers who don't want to learn how to differentiate need to ignore your child.

The lesson I draw from your story is that you were in a really crappy school with some really crappy teachers. Regardless of your kid's diagnosis/lack of diagnosis, would you want your child in a school where adults gossiped about kids and were abusive?

Sounds like the school we're in now. Sometimes you don't know that your kid has a diagnosis before you enroll, sometimes you believe that the negative posts were posted by just one or two disgruntled people…...



[b]and then you see all the bad things others warned about happening to your kid who is "labeled."

[/b]



Yes to all. We didn't have any diagnosis or think anything was amiss for the first few years at the school. When homework started to take far too long we realized there might be issues and started the testing process. Close friends in the school said not to reveal any diagnosis (they weren't for the same reason). Once labeled, the kids were shoved to the side. And yes it was also a crappy school with crappy teachers. And yes there was far too much gossip - amongst moms, administrators and teachers. Wish I could do it all over and do it better for DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fear of stigma is far worse than actual stigma because it keeps parents from giving their children what they need. This is not directed at OP, who didn't raise the issue of stigma. But I have seen parents make terrible mistakes because of some overblown fear that sending their child to a school that can actually support their needs will somehow harm them.

12:29, without questioning that this might be your experience ours was very different. We opted in favor of the additional services in an SN setting trusting that when the time came to make a switch our child's positive attributes and strong capabilities would be appreciated and our decision to get some extra early help understood in context. But we had one hell of a time getting accepted at a mainstream school afterward despite strong test scores across the board. Friends of ours who redacted info about SN background did much better even in instances where their children had significantly more serious challenges. Fortunately after beating our heads against the wall for a while we found a school that was not so closed-minded. Our child immediately did great, as we knew they would -- performing at the top of the class academically and being popular socially. There is absolutely no doubt in our mind that our child would also have performed well at several of the other schools we looked at if they had not been blinded by the SN background.

Bottom line is that we pooh-poohed the concern about stigma for a long time and almost undercut our child's future opportunities as a result.

Even beyond this we learned that when we didn't provide background info to teachers (for example extracurricular), expectations were kept high and our child did very well in their classes. We only ran into problems when our child's background followed them around.

And frankly we got some bad advice about this from professionals; professionals have a particular take on things because they work with these kids and assume that because they don't stigmatize such kids that others won't. Our experience shows that to be incorrect.

I'm not suggesting that people should deny their kids needed support. We didn't deny that to our child and I wouldn't recommend anyone else doing so. But the idea that there is no stigma out there is, we have found, naive and wrong. There's a ton of it. Admissions people may say there isn't, but they are human, and there is.

YES! We completely agree. It was well-known at our private that if your DC had ADHD NOT to mention to anyone because then there would be gossip, your child would be earmarked, and teachers would use the diagnosis as a reason to "give up". I saw it happen over and over and over. And the gossip mill just made it worse. As a resutl, we didn't tell the school that DC had ADHD until I caught the teachers being abusive on Parent Observation Day. Then I called a meeting and disclosed that DC might have ADHD. Dumb dumb dumb. The school didn't do anything for DC and the situation just became worse so we and our money left. Those other parents who had ADHD diagnoses and kids were even on meds. learned from these experiences and never disclosed to the private school. I wish that weren't the case, but in some schools it's just the excuse that lazy teachers or teachers who don't want to learn how to differentiate need to ignore your child.

YES also to all the "professionals" in the ADHD field who argue incessantly that your child MUST be told their diagnosis. Why? So they can then sign your kid up for therapy, psychotherapy, blood work (some nut who was really into PANDAS - wrong), social groups, brain exercises, nutrition experts and now "mindfulness training". Every single professional we saw argued that DC, who was young at that point, be told. I knew my DC and knew s/he had anxiety issues and would do better if not "told". And we were right. DC's ego was very fragile. We knew that a diagnosis of something "being wrong" would lead to DC giving up. So we didn't tell DC. And, guess what? Further testing showed no signs of ADHD. I.Q. in the Mensa range. No ADHD. So be careful about having professionals being too anxious to label your child. I completely agree with PP. (also it varies from child to child but in our case not labeling was the correct move)

So your dc didn't have ADHD? He was misdiagnosed? That is an entirely different situation than one in which a child actually has an ASD.

My DS has an ASD. He has known since he was very young and doesn't see it as a bad thing. It just is. When they grow up with an understanding if why they are different it's much better for their mental health. I live in thus world and the kids I know who have always had this understanding are doing well. The kids who are not told their diagnosis feel like there is something bad going on, that there is something wrong with them. And when they are told late they have a very rough time with it.

But you sound over the top anyway. Abuse? Mensa IQ? Rants about therapies? Bottom line: you really have nothing to offer parents of kids with ASDs. You just have your own situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is lovely and yes will make it through the interview. Like I said, no behavioral issues, no academic issues... Just has trouble making friends but is very eager and social and we'd prefer a middle school environment that could support this without a classroom full of quirky kids.

Either you have the wrong diagnosis and your child is not on the spectrum....or you're kidding yourself and he actually does have behavioral issues that you're in denial about. What you described is not and ASD kid. At least not based on the little info you provided.

all that said, if he truly is as you described - then any school would welcome him. The "normal privates" don't need to know a psych assessment just an educational assessment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is lovely and yes will make it through the interview. Like I said, no behavioral issues, no academic issues... Just has trouble making friends but is very eager and social and we'd prefer a middle school environment that could support this without a classroom full of quirky kids.

Either you have the wrong diagnosis and your child is not on the spectrum....or you're kidding yourself and he actually does have behavioral issues that you're in denial about. What you described is not and ASD kid. At least not based on the little info you provided.

all that said, if he truly is as you described - then any school would welcome him. The "normal privates" don't need to know a psych assessment just an educational assessment.

Not wrong diagnosis. DS just had a full neuropsych and he is definitely on the spectrum. Scored 95%+ in all academic/processing speed/etc and the bottom 5% in all social skills/ pragmatic areas. No learning disabilities other than social deficits.

He has two cousins who are similar who also do great academically at mainstream schools. No behavioral issues either.

DH, his father and brother who may get a similar diagnosis all went to mainstream private schools and did well - good enough to go to an Ivy and major in Philosophy (no problems with abstract ideas). Basically all they needed were small class size.

We will apply to all boys private schools out of the area.