Teacher dictating which parts of daughter's lunch she can eat in which order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big eater too, we had to explain to her teacher in each successive classroom— yes, offer her everything we’ve sent at every meal. And each successive class gave me one day of pushback, then laughed with me for the rest of the session about how much my kid packs away. They leave a note when they have a sub that, really, this kid is going to eat all of that.

For people with children with smaller appetites— you know how your kid gets hangry and more prone to meltdowns? This is what will happen to OPs kid if she’s policed and upset and doesn’t get to eat her whole lunch. It’s in everyone’s interest to avoid that.

But the teacher didn't tell her she couldn't eat her whole lunch. She just asked her to eat it in a different order.

She didn’t ask— she told her she couldn’t eat in the way she wanted. I absolutely see the teachers point if she doesn’t understand the cookies aren’t junk food, but upsetting a hungry toddler and then her missing the bulk of her lunch isn’t good either. A brief chat with the teacher in which OP explains that anything in her daughter’s lunchbox is fair game should not mark her out as “that mother” to a teacher with experience.

We are going to far with what we consider toddlers. A 4 year old is not a toddler. They are a preschooler.

The DCUM age-policing is always very fun. It’s not relevant though because I wouldn’t want a teacher mistakenly policing my infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary, middle, high school or college age student. I think the teacher made an honest mistake that the cookies were a “snack” and the four year old is not able to correct her. The parent should do so, once, and that should be the end of the issue. The teachers I know are not such fragile creatures that they wouldn’t understand “hey this is not actually a snack it’s part of her lunch” without strain.

Parents shouldn't be such fragile creatures, either. The teacher told her precious snowflake to eat cookies last. GASP.

Seriously. Save your comments for when it really matters. And stop packing sugary treats in their lunches for goodness sake! Save it for after school snack or dinner. This could be a complete non issue if parents actually packed real food and not junk in their kids' lunches.

Something baked and shaped round is not “a sugary treat” unless a teacher doesn’t know the difference. Which it sounds like this one doesn’t. This isn’t about parental fragility, it’s about not letting a 4 y/o go without most of her lunch because a teacher didn’t understand what was in the lunchbox.

My goodness. So many parents who don't want to support and back up the teacher.

Take a step back. What should your DC be learning in preschool? How to follow another adult's rules.

I would call myself a parent who is responsible for my child getting their whole lunch, even if that means I need to explain to the teacher what is in that lunch. It’s not my job to “support and back up” a teacher who leaves a kid hungry for most of the day because she didn’t like the order in which she was eating her food.

Following rules is important. It is, however, not as important to a 4 y/o brain than getting enough food, which is basically the minimum standard of care.

Did she say "No cookies allowed"? No. She said, eat the cookies last. Which 99% of people across the globe would think is the normal way to eat a meal. Your DD could have eaten lunch in any order at all and been just as full.

She came home all cranky and upset because it was her first day of preschool. What's your excuse?

I’m the poster you’re responding to but I’m not the OP. The OP states that because her daughter was upset she didn’t get to eat her yoghurt, her fruit OR her cookies, and the teacher made her stop before she was finished. Rather than do the teacher equivalent of sending the kid to bed without supper oe being weirdly rigid about the order of food the child ate, she could have just let a hungry child eat her lunch.

she ate her fruit
seems like the daughter wasted a bunch of time crying bc she did not get her way
which means she's probably a big brat and is given whatever she wants at home

You have a really messed up or potentially outdated idea of how to feed kids. Being allowed to eat what you want from a selection of nutritious food your parents provide isn’t “getting your way” it is in fact how children are supposed to eat. Have you not read a single piece of literature on childhood nutrition in the past decade?

Yes, the current idea is that kids can choose to eat cookies for lunch and, because the listened to their bodies, they will grow up to be healthy and skinny. Mumble mumble.

No, the current idea is that children be offered a selection of nutritious food and be permitted to decide what and how much of it to eat. All the clean plates and uneaten dinner showing up as breakfast of the previous generation has gotten us where we are now as a society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big eater too, we had to explain to her teacher in each successive classroom— yes, offer her everything we’ve sent at every meal. And each successive class gave me one day of pushback, then laughed with me for the rest of the session about how much my kid packs away. They leave a note when they have a sub that, really, this kid is going to eat all of that.

For people with children with smaller appetites— you know how your kid gets hangry and more prone to meltdowns? This is what will happen to OPs kid if she’s policed and upset and doesn’t get to eat her whole lunch. It’s in everyone’s interest to avoid that.

But the teacher didn't tell her she couldn't eat her whole lunch. She just asked her to eat it in a different order.

She didn’t ask— she told her she couldn’t eat in the way she wanted. I absolutely see the teachers point if she doesn’t understand the cookies aren’t junk food, but upsetting a hungry toddler and then her missing the bulk of her lunch isn’t good either. A brief chat with the teacher in which OP explains that anything in her daughter’s lunchbox is fair game should not mark her out as “that mother” to a teacher with experience.

We are going to far with what we consider toddlers. A 4 year old is not a toddler. They are a preschooler.

The DCUM age-policing is always very fun. It’s not relevant though because I wouldn’t want a teacher mistakenly policing my infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary, middle, high school or college age student. I think the teacher made an honest mistake that the cookies were a “snack” and the four year old is not able to correct her. The parent should do so, once, and that should be the end of the issue. The teachers I know are not such fragile creatures that they wouldn’t understand “hey this is not actually a snack it’s part of her lunch” without strain.

Parents shouldn't be such fragile creatures, either. The teacher told her precious snowflake to eat cookies last. GASP.

Seriously. Save your comments for when it really matters. And stop packing sugary treats in their lunches for goodness sake! Save it for after school snack or dinner. This could be a complete non issue if parents actually packed real food and not junk in their kids' lunches.

Something baked and shaped round is not “a sugary treat” unless a teacher doesn’t know the difference. Which it sounds like this one doesn’t. This isn’t about parental fragility, it’s about not letting a 4 y/o go without most of her lunch because a teacher didn’t understand what was in the lunchbox.

My goodness. So many parents who don't want to support and back up the teacher.

Take a step back. What should your DC be learning in preschool? How to follow another adult's rules.

I would call myself a parent who is responsible for my child getting their whole lunch, even if that means I need to explain to the teacher what is in that lunch. It’s not my job to “support and back up” a teacher who leaves a kid hungry for most of the day because she didn’t like the order in which she was eating her food.

Following rules is important. It is, however, not as important to a 4 y/o brain than getting enough food, which is basically the minimum standard of care.

Did she say "No cookies allowed"? No. She said, eat the cookies last. Which 99% of people across the globe would think is the normal way to eat a meal. Your DD could have eaten lunch in any order at all and been just as full.

She came home all cranky and upset because it was her first day of preschool. What's your excuse?

I’m the poster you’re responding to but I’m not the OP. The OP states that because her daughter was upset she didn’t get to eat her yoghurt, her fruit OR her cookies, and the teacher made her stop before she was finished. Rather than do the teacher equivalent of sending the kid to bed without supper oe being weirdly rigid about the order of food the child ate, she could have just let a hungry child eat her lunch.

This is not a nanny situation. It's a classroom filled with kids. You should volunteer some time in the classroom so you know what it's like. Kids might whine for snack but they have to wait until snack time even if they're hungry. It's really not cruel in any way. It's growing up and learning to participate in a group of other kids who all have to learn to do things as a group instead of as individuals.

They also have to sit still at certain times and be quiet so everyone can hear, go to the bathroom and wash their hands, stand in line to go out, use crayons when they want to use clay, etc. They have to learn how to do these things. It's not cruel at all. But if you have a nanny and prefer your child continue to get individual attention then keep them home another year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:44 year old Preschool teacher here: I also teach that we eat our protein and veg/fruit first because that is filling. The dessert/sweet treats are always saved for last. When we talk about nutrition, we discuss foods we want to eat more of vs foods we want to eat in moderation.

Who made you the Food God! It's none of your business how a child eats their lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:44 year old Preschool teacher here: I also teach that we eat our protein and veg/fruit first because that is filling. The dessert/sweet treats are always saved for last. When we talk about nutrition, we discuss foods we want to eat more of vs foods we want to eat in moderation.

Who made you the Food God! It's none of your business how a child eats their lunch.

NP. What is with this thread? Are 3/4 of the posters trolls? So bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big eater too, we had to explain to her teacher in each successive classroom— yes, offer her everything we’ve sent at every meal. And each successive class gave me one day of pushback, then laughed with me for the rest of the session about how much my kid packs away. They leave a note when they have a sub that, really, this kid is going to eat all of that.

For people with children with smaller appetites— you know how your kid gets hangry and more prone to meltdowns? This is what will happen to OPs kid if she’s policed and upset and doesn’t get to eat her whole lunch. It’s in everyone’s interest to avoid that.

But the teacher didn't tell her she couldn't eat her whole lunch. She just asked her to eat it in a different order.

She didn’t ask— she told her she couldn’t eat in the way she wanted. I absolutely see the teachers point if she doesn’t understand the cookies aren’t junk food, but upsetting a hungry toddler and then her missing the bulk of her lunch isn’t good either. A brief chat with the teacher in which OP explains that anything in her daughter’s lunchbox is fair game should not mark her out as “that mother” to a teacher with experience.

We are going to far with what we consider toddlers. A 4 year old is not a toddler. They are a preschooler.

The DCUM age-policing is always very fun. It’s not relevant though because I wouldn’t want a teacher mistakenly policing my infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary, middle, high school or college age student. I think the teacher made an honest mistake that the cookies were a “snack” and the four year old is not able to correct her. The parent should do so, once, and that should be the end of the issue. The teachers I know are not such fragile creatures that they wouldn’t understand “hey this is not actually a snack it’s part of her lunch” without strain.

Parents shouldn't be such fragile creatures, either. The teacher told her precious snowflake to eat cookies last. GASP.

Seriously. Save your comments for when it really matters. And stop packing sugary treats in their lunches for goodness sake! Save it for after school snack or dinner. This could be a complete non issue if parents actually packed real food and not junk in their kids' lunches.

Something baked and shaped round is not “a sugary treat” unless a teacher doesn’t know the difference. Which it sounds like this one doesn’t. This isn’t about parental fragility, it’s about not letting a 4 y/o go without most of her lunch because a teacher didn’t understand what was in the lunchbox.

My goodness. So many parents who don't want to support and back up the teacher.

Take a step back. What should your DC be learning in preschool? How to follow another adult's rules.

I would call myself a parent who is responsible for my child getting their whole lunch, even if that means I need to explain to the teacher what is in that lunch. It’s not my job to “support and back up” a teacher who leaves a kid hungry for most of the day because she didn’t like the order in which she was eating her food.

Following rules is important. It is, however, not as important to a 4 y/o brain than getting enough food, which is basically the minimum standard of care.

Did she say "No cookies allowed"? No. She said, eat the cookies last. Which 99% of people across the globe would think is the normal way to eat a meal. Your DD could have eaten lunch in any order at all and been just as full.

She came home all cranky and upset because it was her first day of preschool. What's your excuse?

I’m the poster you’re responding to but I’m not the OP. The OP states that because her daughter was upset she didn’t get to eat her yoghurt, her fruit OR her cookies, and the teacher made her stop before she was finished. Rather than do the teacher equivalent of sending the kid to bed without supper oe being weirdly rigid about the order of food the child ate, she could have just let a hungry child eat her lunch.

This is not a nanny situation. It's a classroom filled with kids. You should volunteer some time in the classroom so you know what it's like. Kids might whine for snack but they have to wait until snack time even if they're hungry. It's really not cruel in any way. It's growing up and learning to participate in a group of other kids who all have to learn to do things as a group instead of as individuals.

They also have to sit still at certain times and be quiet so everyone can hear, go to the bathroom and wash their hands, stand in line to go out, use crayons when they want to use clay, etc. They have to learn how to do these things. It's not cruel at all. But if you have a nanny and prefer your child continue to get individual attention then keep them home another year.

Denying a child half her packed lunch because she ate it in an order that displeases you is absolutely cruel. Expecting a child to go hungry for hours because *you did not like the order she was eating her food in* even sounds absurd and rigid. She wasn’t asking the teacher for cookies or snacks, she wasn’t asking for special treatment, she was trying to eat the lunch her parents packed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:44 year old Preschool teacher here: I also teach that we eat our protein and veg/fruit first because that is filling. The dessert/sweet treats are always saved for last. When we talk about nutrition, we discuss foods we want to eat more of vs foods we want to eat in moderation.

Who made you the Food God! It's none of your business how a child eats their lunch.

Also nothing about the statement this teacher makes above coincides with controlling the order in which it is eaten.

[Anonymous]

What if you just tell the other kids that they don’t need to worry about how their classmates are eating? That seems like a much more important life lesson than “eat the lower-sugar baked oatmeal after the higher-sugar yogurt because your teacher has no idea what her role is”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When your kid is in a group, there are group rules. As a PP said, some kids are unbelievably slow eaters and some won’t eat the filling parts of the meal if left to their own devices. If you want your kid to be special then you need to teach them at home. This will not be the only time you find practices not to your liking but unless you homeschool, you’ll get used to it. In the scheme of things this issue wouldn’t even hit my radar.

This. Group setting, group rules. Take a look at how French children traditionally have received food education, from a very young age. School lunches are a big part of that, and teachers patiently with them, helping them learn to appreciate the food. As other posters have said, teachers can do a lot to help with basic socialization - manners, respect, kindness, and yes, even good eating habits. Also +1 to support for teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you just tell the other kids that they don’t need to worry about how their classmates are eating? That seems like a much more important life lesson than “eat the lower-sugar baked oatmeal after the higher-sugar yogurt because your teacher has no idea what her role is”

Bananas have a lot of sugar...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a nightmare, OP.

Nope. The school shouldn't be dictating what the kid eats and when if they make parents send a lunch. Talk to the teacher, tell her the child can eat what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell my child that the teacher sets the rules in the classroom and her job is to learn to follow the classroom rules, even if we do things differently at home.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your kid is in a group, there are group rules. As a PP said, some kids are unbelievably slow eaters and some won’t eat the filling parts of the meal if left to their own devices. If you want your kid to be special then you need to teach them at home. This will not be the only time you find practices not to your liking but unless you homeschool, you’ll get used to it. In the scheme of things this issue wouldn’t even hit my radar.

This. Group setting, group rules. Take a look at how French children traditionally have received food education, from a very young age. School lunches are a big part of that, and teachers patiently with them, helping them learn to appreciate the food. As other posters have said, teachers can do a lot to help with basic socialization - manners, respect, kindness, and yes, even good eating habits. Also +1 to support for teachers.

group rules should not dictate order of eating unless items are coursed. this is not evidence-based.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a big eater too, we had to explain to her teacher in each successive classroom— yes, offer her everything we’ve sent at every meal. And each successive class gave me one day of pushback, then laughed with me for the rest of the session about how much my kid packs away. They leave a note when they have a sub that, really, this kid is going to eat all of that.

For people with children with smaller appetites— you know how your kid gets hangry and more prone to meltdowns? This is what will happen to OPs kid if she’s policed and upset and doesn’t get to eat her whole lunch. It’s in everyone’s interest to avoid that.

But the teacher didn't tell her she couldn't eat her whole lunch. She just asked her to eat it in a different order.

She didn’t ask— she told her she couldn’t eat in the way she wanted. I absolutely see the teachers point if she doesn’t understand the cookies aren’t junk food, but upsetting a hungry toddler and then her missing the bulk of her lunch isn’t good either. A brief chat with the teacher in which OP explains that anything in her daughter’s lunchbox is fair game should not mark her out as “that mother” to a teacher with experience.

We are going to far with what we consider toddlers. A 4 year old is not a toddler. They are a preschooler.

The DCUM age-policing is always very fun. It’s not relevant though because I wouldn’t want a teacher mistakenly policing my infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary, middle, high school or college age student. I think the teacher made an honest mistake that the cookies were a “snack” and the four year old is not able to correct her. The parent should do so, once, and that should be the end of the issue. The teachers I know are not such fragile creatures that they wouldn’t understand “hey this is not actually a snack it’s part of her lunch” without strain.

Parents shouldn't be such fragile creatures, either. The teacher told her precious snowflake to eat cookies last. GASP.

Seriously. Save your comments for when it really matters. And stop packing sugary treats in their lunches for goodness sake! Save it for after school snack or dinner. This could be a complete non issue if parents actually packed real food and not junk in their kids' lunches.

Something baked and shaped round is not “a sugary treat” unless a teacher doesn’t know the difference. Which it sounds like this one doesn’t. This isn’t about parental fragility, it’s about not letting a 4 y/o go without most of her lunch because a teacher didn’t understand what was in the lunchbox.

My goodness. So many parents who don't want to support and back up the teacher.

Take a step back. What should your DC be learning in preschool? How to follow another adult's rules.

I would call myself a parent who is responsible for my child getting their whole lunch, even if that means I need to explain to the teacher what is in that lunch. It’s not my job to “support and back up” a teacher who leaves a kid hungry for most of the day because she didn’t like the order in which she was eating her food.

Following rules is important. It is, however, not as important to a 4 y/o brain than getting enough food, which is basically the minimum standard of care.

Did she say "No cookies allowed"? No. She said, eat the cookies last. Which 99% of people across the globe would think is the normal way to eat a meal. Your DD could have eaten lunch in any order at all and been just as full.

She came home all cranky and upset because it was her first day of preschool. What's your excuse?

I’m the poster you’re responding to but I’m not the OP. The OP states that because her daughter was upset she didn’t get to eat her yoghurt, her fruit OR her cookies, and the teacher made her stop before she was finished. Rather than do the teacher equivalent of sending the kid to bed without supper oe being weirdly rigid about the order of food the child ate, she could have just let a hungry child eat her lunch.

This is not a nanny situation. It's a classroom filled with kids. You should volunteer some time in the classroom so you know what it's like. Kids might whine for snack but they have to wait until snack time even if they're hungry. It's really not cruel in any way. It's growing up and learning to participate in a group of other kids who all have to learn to do things as a group instead of as individuals.

They also have to sit still at certain times and be quiet so everyone can hear, go to the bathroom and wash their hands, stand in line to go out, use crayons when they want to use clay, etc. They have to learn how to do these things. It's not cruel at all. But if you have a nanny and prefer your child continue to get individual attention then keep them home another year.

Denying a child half her packed lunch because she ate it in an order that displeases you is absolutely cruel. Expecting a child to go hungry for hours because *you did not like the order she was eating her food in* even sounds absurd and rigid. She wasn’t asking the teacher for cookies or snacks, she wasn’t asking for special treatment, she was trying to eat the lunch her parents packed.

No one was denying her her food. So dramatic. You sound as rigid in your thinking and demands as the preschooler. You REALLY AND TRULY don't understand why an adult in charge of a small child would tell them to eat the cookie last?

You need to teach your kid to deal with other adults being in charge of her. You need to accept this fact, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your kid is in a group, there are group rules. As a PP said, some kids are unbelievably slow eaters and some won’t eat the filling parts of the meal if left to their own devices. If you want your kid to be special then you need to teach them at home. This will not be the only time you find practices not to your liking but unless you homeschool, you’ll get used to it. In the scheme of things this issue wouldn’t even hit my radar.

This. Group setting, group rules. Take a look at how French children traditionally have received food education, from a very young age. School lunches are a big part of that, and teachers patiently with them, helping them learn to appreciate the food. As other posters have said, teachers can do a lot to help with basic socialization - manners, respect, kindness, and yes, even good eating habits. Also +1 to support for teachers.

group rules should not dictate order of eating unless items are coursed. this is not evidence-based.

Right. It's more sensible for a preschool to ban cookies entirely (including banana oat not-a-cookie cookies). Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When your kid is in a group, there are group rules. As a PP said, some kids are unbelievably slow eaters and some won’t eat the filling parts of the meal if left to their own devices. If you want your kid to be special then you need to teach them at home. This will not be the only time you find practices not to your liking but unless you homeschool, you’ll get used to it. In the scheme of things this issue wouldn’t even hit my radar.

This. Group setting, group rules. Take a look at how French children traditionally have received food education, from a very young age. School lunches are a big part of that, and teachers patiently with them, helping them learn to appreciate the food. As other posters have said, teachers can do a lot to help with basic socialization - manners, respect, kindness, and yes, even good eating habits. Also +1 to support for teachers.

French children in crèche are all eating the same meal. Telling Sabine to wait for dessert until Lucien has finished his entree and they can eat together is table manners. Telling Larla she has to wait to eat her baked oatmeal because Lucy has to wait to eat her chocolate covered Oreos is ridiculous.