Signs someone grew up rich

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01/21/2022 13:25

Subject: Signs someone grew up rich

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Anonymous

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Anonymous wrote:I grew up with money and definitely lacked the understanding that everyone did not go to college or vote when they turned 18. I began to understand this when I was 17 in 2000 and had conversations with classmates who were eligible to vote but didn’t in the 2000 presidential election. I went to “elite” private schools through 10th grade when I rebelled and told my parents that I refused to go back to the school I was at because it was full of terrible bullies and drug addicts. I finally convinced them to let me attend a large public high school and it was extremely eye-opening.
I was raised to know how to behave in any social situation. I attended a state dinner in my mothers place and an inaugural ball when I was 14. I was raised to participate in volunteer work from a young age and my family is on the board of a number of organizations. In my 20s and early 30s I have been asked to participate in high level volunteer positions in elite institutions, which has lead to board service at several of them. I’m by far the youngest board member in those cases.
We had a nanny/housekeeper and a pt gardener when I was a child and both were treated like members of the family. I was taught to cook (by my mom, who had learned from her parent’s chef), and how to clean and do laundry properly. My parents definitely instilled a work ethic in me, I worked all through high school and college though I didn’t “need” to, and now I work although my husband’s the primary “breadwinner”. I’m also the principle parent for our children and make sure that I’m able to spend quality time with them daily.
I can ride a horse well, sail, pilot a plane (though haven’t in years), play tennis & squash, whip up a soufflé, speak 2 languages fluently in addition to English, set up a campsite, appraise art, navigate my way through any place and plan a dinner party to perfection.

Sure they were. People always say this and it's so tone-deaf.

Not if it’s true. Our housekeeper lived with my parents when she retired, they nursed her and even hired full time care for her when she needed it. I consider her a second grandmother (one of my grandmothers was dead before I was born).
Our gardener wanted to move back to Mexico after he had a family. My parents gave him enough money to buy property and build a house. He now runs a successful b&b and has visited us many times. His children both went to college; one is now a teacher and the other in medical school.

Sorry, I don’t believe you. Your parents were so busy, successful, and important that they did not have the time to wipe your butt when you were a a baby, but they “nursed” the faithful old retainer in her dotage? GMAFB.

DP. Of course they didn't do that, but they paid someone else to. Becoming a lifelong employee to a very wealthy family is a good gig. If you don't understand that, well...says something

This is exactly the kind of statement that makes people doubt any good intentions when it comes to the rich. What does it "say"?

Rich people convince themselves they are superior and more deserving. Otherwise, how could you look in the mirror in the morning when so many people in the world are suffering and you waste so much on yourselves? No "manners" can shield the fact that you believe yourselves to be the "elite" instead of just some lucky slob who has a lot of money. Those lucky, lucky people who serve you day in and day out, so that you don't have to get your hands dirty. Vomit.

It says you aren't really rich so you don't know. If you read any good/bad qualifiers into that that is on you. It isn't a positive or a negative it just IS.

Not PP but IMO not necessarily - the last country we lived in, everyone had “help” although the locals and some expats from countries where domestic staff are not respected gave them demeaning names like “maid” “yard boy” etc. We called our staff, staff, and treated them as such. Many of them had worked for the local elite rich or foreigner business elite for their entire lives and lived in hovels on the premises, but had been treated as subhuman. The local families in our social circles were nearly always far richer than us. They often (but not always) worked their domestic staff from 6 am the morning until late at night, often without breaks, paid next to nothing, and offered no perks such as paying for the modest education of their staff’s children.

We told our staff that it is just a job, and we wanted them to enjoy their work. We would train them so it would be easier for them to find decent paying work when we left in a few years. We paid for to take driving and cooking classes, which was of course wonderful for us, and they were excited to learn new skills from professionals. We paid for their children’s schooling (although public school was in theory free, the tuition taxes, text books and uniforms added up to often insurmountable costs for them. We paid them much more than what they had earned before and slashed their hours to 8-4 with a lunch break. I also created a library for them to read and study in their free time. I told them I expected them to work hard during the set hours and then they should go and do whatever they need to for their own families. They worked extremely efficiently for us, and they were all nice to each other (house staff, gardener/ driver and guards). The houses where staff were treated with disrespect had a lot more disfunction and staff coming and going (many complained about that anyway). Our staff all found work after we left that was better than what they had had before with wealthy bosses.

That situation was of course very different to labor laws and experiences in the US, but even here, we pay our weekly house cleaner way above the minimum wage, provide transport and bonuses plus try to show respect for her. She has worked for us for many years and does excellent work.

It is fairly obvious to me that so much in life is just luck - many people from disadvantaged backgrounds are whip smart and with the right breaks in life they would have gone much further.

Whether you are wealthy or not, or somewhere in between like many of us in DMV, it pays to treat people who work for you with respect and kindness.

THis is interesting. I am writing this after having a break coffee with my "house staff", and I asked her what she tells people she does for a lviing. She says she's a maid. (although she did look at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing, so I had to explain why I asked).

I personally don't think there is anything demeaning about maid either. Yard boy definitely is, but nothing wrong with gardener.

It was the way they were treated like modern slaves that was demeaning. We wanted them to know we regarded them as people, not as servants. Many people there used that term as well.

Yes gardener is fine but yard boy is not especially when they gardener was similar age to me.

You are making a nonexistent distinction. A servant is a person who performs duties for others, especially a person employed in a house on domestic duties or as a personal attendant. They were servants. It has nothing to do with whether or not you treated them well or as people. They were still servants.