I saw your nanny posts

[Anonymous]

JSteele. Just curious, have you monitored to see if any of these "I saw your nanny" posts originate from the same IP address of the person who wants to be a "at home mommy spy"? I know, I know, I watched way too many episodes the X Files growing up, but I tend to be suspicious of people's real motivations when they are reporting things like: "nanny couldn't console a crying baby or nanny sat 20 feet away on the bench and talked on a cell phone". As a parent, I would take any of these posts with a grain of salt if I had a trusted nanny posted on here for such a thing. I don't really understand why these posts aren't required to follow the same rules as the post on the former I saw your nanny forum? There is never contact information, the details on the event are sorely lacking, etc. I don't get it at all. I really do feel bad for any nanny in the area who doesn't happen to be white who does anything in public since I have yet to see a post about a white nanny doing the same kind of activity. Yes, I'm a liberal white chick who leans towards an idealistic idea of a society that rarely exist, but a forum on moms, dads & kids shouldn't leave you feeling bad about humankind so often.

[Anonymous]

To the extent this is in response to the "Ned" post - that seems like a terrific example of how TO do this - there's lots of identifying information about the child included, the poster asked the child whether he was with his babysitter (so it's not someone making assumptions based on appearance), and the poster said she'd provide contact information for herself if the parents of the child saw the post and asked for contact information. (Agree that the other current "saw your nanny" post is not very useful b/c not very informative and b/c it's not clear it was a nanny sighting, much less a description of an abusive nanny. (hello? babies cry! and she was trying to help ... ) - but it's also not very harmful b/c not so informative ...)

[Anonymous]

I think the harm in those post is in how it makes the nannies who happen to be something other than white feel. I have heard comments in the park about how everyone is spying on them and trying to make them look bad. I have a friend who's black and has a biracial daughter that looks white. She says she knows it's only a matter of time till she raises her voice at her DD in the park and someone reports her for being a bad nanny on this site. I have to agree with her.

[Anonymous]

I see your point, but ... everyone is judged by everyone else on this site. It's ridiculous the things people get criticized for. (70+ pages of bad mom posts?!) I do think that taking down the "I saw your nanny" forum was a good call - I think it was basically calling for people to look around and pass judgments, and it was clear that many of the posts were basing "nanny"hood on appearance and that that likely reflected racism. But I also think that people are reading racism into posts where it is not -- I think the Ned case is a good example of this -- and I think that these can on occasion be useful posts -- again, I think the Ned case is a good example.

[jsteele]

Without doing more than a cursory check, I don't think the prospective nanny spy is behind any of the nanny reports.

I don't doubt the intentions of the posters of the nanny reports, but I'm not sure they really understand how many ways such reports get parsed when viewed by a large number of readers (though the "Ned" poster is getting a quick education).

My own concern about the "Ned" posting, as well as a number of other such reports, is that I could easily see myself getting reported for such behavior. I routinely let my son (or sons depending on how many I've brought along) play by himself while I attend to email on my BlackBerry or read the newspaper. While I can understand that parents who like to be more participatory in their children's play might argue with my parenting style, I'd never really thought they might even go further and consider me neglectful.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm guilty of the reverse. I recently saw a woman who sat on the bench at Turtle Park for 2 plus hours and never had the remotest clue where her daughter was. The child tried to leave the park several times only to be turned back by nannies & moms, she almost got knocked over a few times by kids on the swings, she climbed on top of the play set a few times and had to be told to get down. I even approached the girl and asked if her mommy or nanny was with her and she didn't respond. The child was about 3-3 1/2, but still refused to say anything. I have to admit, if I knew for sure this was the nanny, I would have posted it. My assumption that it was a mom was based on the woman being white, had gray hair, hard similar features to the girl, appeared over 40 and was dressed like a 'mom'. I know that's as thin as the other reason people assume one is a nanny, but it's how I made my conclusion. While it may not be the original posters intention to be 'racist' on these I saw your nanny posts, the apparent fact that each and every post so far has been about someone who's not white, certainly makes it appear that way. We are parents in a major metro area and we should all be sensitive to the feelings of people who happen to fall into some minority group. We all make ignorant assumptions based on race, age, weight, etc, but when it impacts someone's livelihood, we should be damn sure.

[Anonymous]

How about VERY limited guidelines for "Concerned about Child" posts. Like Ned's post, the subject line alone was enough for a concerned parent, neighbor, or caregiver to get in touch with poster via DCUM admin.

Posts could be officially limited - perhaps with an on-line form? - to the name/description of child, location, date/time, neutral adult description (woman, man, clothing) and best way to contact poster.

AND THAT'S IT!

All the flaming and hijacking is HURTING children's welfare by discouraging posts. (Which is why I'm doing this anonymously.) IMO, the incident details aren't really anybody's business but those involved with that specific child.

A separate forum for Concerned might work. I know, some think there are too many forums, but this is a topic with a singular purpose, like Summer Camps or TTC.

Just some thoughts.

(But watch out JSteele! You know the "I saw a guy on a blackberry ignoring a kid" posts are headed your way )

[maynie]

jsteele wrote:Without doing more than a cursory check, I don't think the prospective nanny spy is behind any of the nanny reports.

I don't doubt the intentions of the posters of the nanny reports, but I'm not sure they really understand how many ways such reports get parsed when viewed by a large number of readers (though the "Ned" poster is getting a quick education).

My own concern about the "Ned" posting, as well as a number of other such reports, is that I could easily see myself getting reported for such behavior. I routinely let my son (or sons depending on how many I've brought along) play by himself while I attend to email on my BlackBerry or read the newspaper. While I can understand that parents who like to be more participatory in their children's play might argue with my parenting style, I'd never really thought they might even go further and consider me neglectful.

Aren't your kids older though? A lot of parents do this at a playground in my neighborhood. They actually sit in their cars reading or knitting while their kid is playing. But the kids are older. I don't expect to be chasing a 5 or 6 year old around the playground either, but 3? I let her run around, but I watch what she's doing. I would surely know if she was trying to leave or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Maybe there should be forum guidelines for such posts listed at the top of the nanny forum. There was at least a standard of conduct for the I saw your nanny forum. There are no guidelines for posting these bad nanny posts that I could find. I often wonder why there isn't a way to report a post that doesn't conform like there is on craigslist. Is there a way to do that?

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:How about VERY limited guidelines for "Concerned about Child" posts. Like Ned's post, the subject line alone was enough for a concerned parent, neighbor, or caregiver to get in touch with poster via DCUM admin.

Posts could be officially limited - perhaps with an on-line form? - to the name/description of child, location, date/time, neutral adult description (woman, man, clothing) and best way to contact poster.

Our experience with the "I saw your nanny" forum was that people won't follow the most basic of guidelines. If we put a more restrictive system in place, people would likely ignore it and continue to post as they do now. Then, I'm in a no win situation concerning how to deal with those posts. Do I delete them and get accused of not showing concern for a child's safety? Or, do I leave them and signal to everyone that its okay to ignore the specifically designed mechanism?

What I really wish would happen is that these sorts of posts would be limited to clear cases of child endangerment. If there was a post saying "I saw a child run out of the playground and into traffic, barely being missed by a car", nobody would spend time parsing the message for racial or ethnic overtones. None of that would matter. Again, I don't doubt any of the posters' intentions and I'm glad there are people who will look out for others. However, if I were Ned's parent, I would be more horrified by the 45 some posts discussing him than the original incident that was reported.

[jsteele]

maynie wrote:
Aren't your kids older though? A lot of parents do this at a playground in my neighborhood. They actually sit in their cars reading or knitting while their kid is playing. But the kids are older. I don't expect to be chasing a 5 or 6 year old around the playground either, but 3? I let her run around, but I watch what she's doing. I would surely know if she was trying to leave or something like that.

We have a three-year-old and a seven-year-old. While I may be sitting on the bench with my Blackberry (actually, these days its an iPhone), I always feel like I have a reasonably good idea about their whereabouts. I've never had one escape from me. But, I don't think there is any way an observer would know how aware (or not) I am.

[Anonymous]

Well said JSTEELE. Most of the posts I have seen have been equal to a mom or dad having a bad day, unless I missed something. We have all yelled at our kid, we have all ignored them to some extent and talked on a cell phone, but show me another adult that repeatedly slaps her child across the face, or isn't watching their child near a busy road and I get really mad. I would have so much more respect for these types of post if they warranted being posted in the first place. I honestly believe requiring the person to either sign in or post contact information to begin with would keep these minor posts from happening, or keep people from posting who have another agenda. The fact that some 'white nanny' has to jump in on these posts to say how these foreign woman don't pay attention or don't speak English with each of these posts, says a lot IMHO.