Respect for Nanny

[Anonymous]

I hate seeing the way some kids treat their nannies. Screaming their first name, demanding things, expecting the nanny to do all clean up, etc.

I grew up with a wonderful, loving, but strict nanny. I love her to this day and still am in touch with her. My mother and dad supported nanny’s authority which we will do with our new nanny, but what else can we do? What can we tell our new nanny in regard to this stuff?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

You hire an assertive Nanny who doesn’t put up with stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Let them know what you expect from them regarding discipline and skills you think the kids need to work on. Let them know what you are and are not ok with regarding your kids behavior and ways you discipline. This should be discussed during the interview so everyone is on same page. Also have open communication with them and if you see any behavior that happens you don’t like tell the nanny it’s something you noticed and don’t want to continue and they should address. Best if everyone communicates daily and has similar expectations regarding discipline.

[Anonymous]

A lot of foreign nannies believe that if you hear their child crying the nanny is doing a bad job. Let your nanny know you do not think that and expect her to correct your child when necessary.

Our nanny is very firm with our kids to the point that they both tattle on us to nanny! “Mommy ate standing up yesterday!!” and “Daddy didn’t but the trains back in the train box!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You hire an assertive Nanny who doesn’t put up with stuff like that.

How can you tell you have an assertive nanny in the interview?

[Anonymous]

Growing up our nanny made it clear that she did not work for us kids - she worked for our parents. She was great and far stricter than my parents were which my brother and I hated and loved at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Agree with others that you just need to be upfront with your nanny that you support her. And follow through in front of your kids, too. Our nanny is a very gentle older woman and I did get the sense at first that she was worried when DD cried/screamed we would be upset (I think it's especially hard on nannies these days when so many parents are working at home). So DH and I made a point of letting her know several different times that we know that yelling/screaming/crying/tantrums are part of the deal with a toddler/preschooler and that it didn't worry us, we knew she was a full partner in bringing up our kid. And whenever DD asks for something when the nanny is here, I tell her that she has to ask nanny because nanny is in charge!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hire an assertive Nanny who doesn’t put up with stuff like that.

How can you tell you have an assertive nanny in the interview?

You don’t really need assertive as much as consistentt. Ask hypothetical questions about how they might handle disciplinary situations or different behaviors that might come up. Do a trial before hiring for a day and see how consistent they are. Most kids will test nanny first day so they need to be more consistent then than anytime. Even just letting nanny come over for playtime and lunch with the kids and nanny give them some directions and see how they follow through. I don’t place many demands first couple days until the kids get to know I’m fun too. However if I do give an instruction they need to do it. I once had a kid tantrum for almost an hour because I asked them to use the bathroom on the first day. They screamed and tried everything they could to get my attention or not go. They dump the trash can, I calmly remove it and wait, pull down the towel, remove it and wait, try putting toothpaste all over, remove it and wait. Eventually they used the bathroom and we went back to fun time. I almost never had another problem with that child even though parents still did. Simply because I was consistent and knew I meant business.

[Anonymous]

Find someone who agrees that their job is to help raise responsible / well mannered etc kids, not to keep the kids happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hire an assertive Nanny who doesn’t put up with stuff like that.

How can you tell you have an assertive nanny in the interview?

You ask her to respond to something like this:
Imagine you tell a child it’s time to leave the park. He responds with, “No, I don’t have to! You’re not my parent.” How would you handle this?

[Anonymous]

When so was interviewing part time Nannie’s through an agency, they all were very into gentle parenting. They said they handled misbehavior by redirecting, etc. This answer was not prompted by me at all - I think they were coached this way. The nanny agency owner asked me how I discipline my kids and when I said we sometimes say a firm no or put them in a short time out, she was very judgey. So I’m thinking Nannies are under the impression they have to be very gentle with their charges?

Also, consistently disciplining kids is hard work, obviously. It’s way easier to just respond to the screamed name and clean up the mess yourself than instill better habits. If I were getting paid <$25/hr, I would also just let that stuff slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hire an assertive Nanny who doesn’t put up with stuff like that.

How can you tell you have an assertive nanny in the interview?

You ask her to respond to something like this:
Imagine you tell a child it’s time to leave the park. He responds with, “No, I don’t have to! You’re not my parent.” How would you handle this?

By the time a child is old enough to say that, it’s too late. I am assuming OP has a newborn or soon-to-be born. But a good question for anyone hiring a nanny for an older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hire an assertive Nanny who doesn’t put up with stuff like that.

How can you tell you have an assertive nanny in the interview?

You ask her to respond to something like this:
Imagine you tell a child it’s time to leave the park. He responds with, “No, I don’t have to! You’re not my parent.” How would you handle this?

By the time a child is old enough to say that, it’s too late. I am assuming OP has a newborn or soon-to-be born. But a good question for anyone hiring a nanny for an older kids.

Huh? It’s a situational question. It can be asked if any nanny applying for any job, whether the charge is a newborn or 5 or 10. It gets at how the nanny would respond and how she deals with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hire an assertive Nanny who doesn’t put up with stuff like that.

How can you tell you have an assertive nanny in the interview?

You ask her to respond to something like this:
Imagine you tell a child it’s time to leave the park. He responds with, “No, I don’t have to! You’re not my parent.” How would you handle this?

By the time a child is old enough to say that, it’s too late. I am assuming OP has a newborn or soon-to-be born. But a good question for anyone hiring a nanny for an older kids.

Huh? It’s a situational question. It can be asked if any nanny applying for any job, whether the charge is a newborn or 5 or 10. It gets at how the nanny would respond and how she deals with kids.

My point regarding a newborn through talking age is that it would never be said. Not by my charges anyway. My authority is well established by then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When so was interviewing part time Nannie’s through an agency, they all were very into gentle parenting. They said they handled misbehavior by redirecting, etc. This answer was not prompted by me at all - I think they were coached this way. The nanny agency owner asked me how I discipline my kids and when I said we sometimes say a firm no or put them in a short time out, she was very judgey. So I’m thinking Nannies are under the impression they have to be very gentle with their charges?

Also, consistently disciplining kids is hard work, obviously. It’s way easier to just respond to the screamed name and clean up the mess yourself than instill better habits. If I were getting paid <$25/hr, I would also just let that stuff slide.

Our nanny is extremely gentle but definitely “holds the line”. She practices what’s known as “gentle parenting” but will say things like, “I’m going to have to say no to that right now”. The kids will cry and she empathizes with them, (“I know it’s hard not to get what you want”).

The best thing DH and I did, even through we’ve both been working from home for two years, is stay out of it when nanny is here. It reinforces to the child that nanny is both capable and in charge.