Bar Mitzvah is 2 hours long

[Anonymous]

On Saturday we have a Bar Mitzvah to go to. Kid and DD have been friends since 1st grade. Me and the mom are close. But holy moly the ceremony is two hours and then drive to the party. Some blogs are talking about going in and out during the ceremony. Is that a thing? I don’t go to movies because I cannot sit still for 2 hours. HELP

[Anonymous]

You probably don't need to be there for the whole service. Though if it's two hours (as opposed to three-plus), it's probably a Reform synagogue, so I'm not as up to date on the exact customs there.

People may be coming and going during the service at times, but there are parts you shouldn't miss, mostly around the Torah service -- the heart of the bar mitzvah kid's part. Other parts you shouldn't leave or enter during would include the Amidah (a standing prayer), which is also a long-ish stretch.

Can you really not sit politely and quietly for two hours? Maybe you should just skip it if it's not important enough to you to find a way to deal.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with quietly going out for a bathroom break or something, but the fact that you can't focus for 2 hours on a movie certainly puts you out of step with most of the adult population. It is not uncommon for religious services to be that long.

There will likely be a prayerbook with English and Hebrew and possibly a book with the Torah (first 5 books of the bible, Christians would call it part of the Old Testament); you could always browse through those as a polite distraction but try to stand when others are standing and sit when they sit. It would not be polite to bring your own book or, worse, to use your phone. But it's fine to be thinking your own thoughts and not be intimately attending to every detail of the sermon and prayers!

If you cannot handle this, you should not attend. But if your inability to focus is keeping you from doing things you care about, you may want to ask your primary care doctor and maybe a psychologist or neuropsych for assessment and help.

[Anonymous]

during services you stand and sit, there's singing and honestly you can zone out. and you can whisper to someone, get up to use the restroom... I have a hard time sitting through movies also, but find services easier.

[Anonymous]

I have only been to one. It was 2 hours, my 9 and 14 year old attended and we all enjoyed the singing and atmosphere.

My 14 year old has ADHD. I can't remember if he was medicated or not that day, but he sat and listened just like everyone else. If you have a medical reason not to attend the whole thing, please explain to your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You probably don't need to be there for the whole service. Though if it's two hours (as opposed to three-plus), it's probably a Reform synagogue, so I'm not as up to date on the exact customs there.

People may be coming and going during the service at times, but there are parts you shouldn't miss, mostly around the Torah service -- the heart of the bar mitzvah kid's part. Other parts you shouldn't leave or enter during would include the Amidah (a standing prayer), which is also a long-ish stretch.

Can you really not sit politely and quietly for two hours? Maybe you should just skip it if it's not important enough to you to find a way to deal.

2 hours is not Reform. Reform is less than 1 hour.

[Anonymous]

I’m a Protestant married to a Jew. Protestant services are usually a scant hour and I was initially surprised at how long Jewish services were. But, I do find that with a Protestant service most people arrive before it starts and leave after it ends, but many Jews show up just for the Torah service (just a small part of the longer service) and then leave after it, at least in all the synagogues of DH’s family. You could probably call the synagogue and ask them what time the Torah service is and when to come if you are coming for a Bat Mitzphah. There is definitely coming and going in a Jewish service.

[Anonymous]

That’s pretty standard. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are just Saturday morning services, with the Bar/Mat Mitzvah kid doing at least the Torah portion, if not other parts of the service as well.

Most Jews show up late to services. They’ll start around 9:30, but most of us know when the Torah service starts and we’ll make sure to be there for that. A lot of times, services don’t end until around 12, at which point we nosh. Of course.

[Anonymous]

I went to a cousin's bar mitzvah a few years ago and even the grandparents of the bar mitzvah kid didn't show up for the first hour or so (it was 2.5 hour Saturday morning service). I've also been to afternoon ones that were just the bar mitzvah that only lasted an hour. And some have 1 bar mitzvah and others have multiple bar mitzvah kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s pretty standard. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are just Saturday morning services, with the Bar/Mat Mitzvah kid doing at least the Torah portion, if not other parts of the service as well.

Most Jews show up late to services. They’ll start around 9:30, but most of us know when the Torah service starts and we’ll make sure to be there for that. A lot of times, services don’t end until around 12, at which point we nosh. Of course.

Ohhhh okay so that makes sense! As an agnostic person I forgot about regular weekly services. I just don’t know the secret of when the Torah service starts.

To the other PP - got the neuropsych diagnosis had it for years, thanks for the advice.

[Anonymous]

We are good Protestants who showed up at 9 am sharp to a Bat Mitzvah service. Sat there for 2 hours with all the other non-Jews wondering where all the Jewish friends were. They finally rolled in about 11:15 for the Torah portion. When I told them how long I had been there, they got a good laugh. Lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s pretty standard. Bar/Bat Mitzvah services are just Saturday morning services, with the Bar/Mat Mitzvah kid doing at least the Torah portion, if not other parts of the service as well.

Most Jews show up late to services. They’ll start around 9:30, but most of us know when the Torah service starts and we’ll make sure to be there for that. A lot of times, services don’t end until around 12, at which point we nosh. Of course.

Ohhhh okay so that makes sense! As an agnostic person I forgot about regular weekly services. I just don’t know the secret of when the Torah service starts.

To the other PP - got the neuropsych diagnosis had it for years, thanks for the advice.

You can not unfortunately ask the family when the child' part will start but you could probably anonymously call the office.

[Anonymous]

I think it's going to really depend on the synagogue. At my reform synagogue, we didn't roll in for the Torah portion only -- everyone stayed for the whole thing. I wouldn't assume that this is the way it's done without more info.

[Anonymous]

This really depends on denomination. A reform service is much like the protestant service described above in that people come at the start and stay through the whole thing (which is usually around 60-90 minutes). A conservative service is often 2-3 hours and people go in and out. Reconstructionist could be either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's going to really depend on the synagogue. At my reform synagogue, we didn't roll in for the Torah portion only -- everyone stayed for the whole thing. I wouldn't assume that this is the way it's done without more info.

I think this is right, at least in my experience. I grew up going to a reform synagogue and everyone stayed for the whole thing. My husband grew up Conservative and thought it was crazy to come at the beginning. He said everyone just rolled in for the Torah service.