Indecisive Parent

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and one of the parents has a habit I find frustrating:
He wants to control things and make choices about the kids (not big stuff, day-to-day things), but he never does it in a timely manner. So for example, I am happy to order clothes for the kids in the correct sizes and make sure they are ready for the season, but he says “No, I will do it. Please tell me what size and what they need.”

So I will tell him, “Oh we need swimsuits in size 5T, winter boots size 12” etc. Then he does not order for months. Last winter they did not have boots until January, so we couldn’t do any hikes in November/December if it was wet bc their feet would get wet and they would get frostbite. I will offer to just order and he will say no, but then it takes another month for him to get around to it.

He will do the same with outings. The kids are off school tomorrow so I said, “Why don’t I plan a playdate?”

He said, “No, I am going to do an outing with them.”

Today he told me he can’t take them on an outing bc it’s too cold for the park and he doesn’t feel like going to a museum so now we have no plans and I have to put something together last-minute.

Has anyone else dealt with this and do you have advice?

[Anonymous]

My husband is like this. One tire on our car must be filled with air before any drive because there’s a hole, and he insists on dealing with the issue himself, which means waiting for as long as possible because he doesn’t want to pay for new tires… He also ADHD he refuses to treat, and continually forgets to do things and has no sense of time and planning. It really doesn’t work well with a controlling personality!

Can you request help from the other parent orvis this single parent situation? In which case, lay it all out to him as you’ve done here. Poor kids. I shudder to think what my kids would have to go through if I wasn’t there to order things for them…

[Anonymous]

Talk to the mother/other parent. As for the father, continue to remind him and tell him the repercussions of waiting (kids can’t go outside today because they have no boots”).

It’s maddening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is like this. One tire on our car must be filled with air before any drive because there’s a hole, and he insists on dealing with the issue himself, which means waiting for as long as possible because he doesn’t want to pay for new tires… He also ADHD he refuses to treat, and continually forgets to do things and has no sense of time and planning. It really doesn’t work well with a controlling personality!

Can you request help from the other parent orvis this single parent situation? In which case, lay it all out to him as you’ve done here. Poor kids. I shudder to think what my kids would have to go through if I wasn’t there to order things for them…

I would have given him one day to get tire repaired or replaced and if he didn't, I would have taken car to tire place had it patched or bought new tires. He is putting all your lives in danger. Also, he would take meds or I would be seeing a divorce lawyer.

For OP, I would have a serious talk with mother and in future give her the sizes and other things that need immediate attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the mother/other parent. As for the father, continue to remind him and tell him the repercussions of waiting (kids can’t go outside today because they have no boots”).

It’s maddening.

+1.