Gifting etiquette

[Anonymous]

Hi all, I’m struggling with some thing and want some opinions. I have infertility and had several miscarriages some early, some later, but it finally looks like we are going to get to take home this baby as I’m pretty far along now. Because of our struggles baby gifts for others have been hard for me and although we got them for very close friends and obviously where I attended showers, there are a lot of people we just congratulated and didn’t send gifts to because I just couldn’t face looking at a registry. Most people know about what we have gone through and now literally everyone is asking for our registry and I’m really overwhelmed and feel very guilty for not getting gifts for these people when they had their babies. So far we have turned down all requests to throw a shower or requests for our registry by saying we are superstitious (which is true). But now that she will be here soon, that won’t work. So I guess I just make/give out the registry and assume people don’t begrudge what I did before. Or what?

[Anonymous]

You’re fine, OP. I would just make sure to write particularly nice thank you letters letting people know how much it means to you that they supported you through your difficult AND happy times.

[Anonymous]

Go easy on yourself. Some of these people may have even been in the same place before. I am sure that most are very forgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re fine, OP. I would just make sure to write particularly nice thank you letters letting people know how much it means to you that they supported you through your difficult AND happy times.

+1. Great advice. And you’re feeling like you need to “make things even” know you do not. But if it really bothers you you could always send their child a nice birthday gift for their next birthday and a card saying you celebrated their arrival in spirit years back but wanted to help formally celebrate them on their big day, etc. But really, don’t stress this. And congrats!

[Anonymous]

I think most people who are important to you will understand that your lack of involvement was a reflection of your own pain and not disinterest or lack of caring.

[Anonymous]

Honestly they are just so thrilled for you and want to share in the joy in some small way. If they are asking, trust that there is no score keeping going on. They are just happy for you.

I dreaded showers and registries for other reasons, but caved and finally did one with a bunch of smaller items, clothes, toys etc.