How do you answer a 5yos questions about dying / death

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old went down a whole string of death questions today and I feel like I didn’t have great answers. I’m going to reopen convo tomorrow - how would you answer these
- do moms ever die before their grandmas and if so what kills them
- do kids ever die / how do they die
- do people ever kill other people? How? Why?
- how often do people that aren’t old die
- do people ever die on purpose

He is a kid that will go deep on strings of questions about any topic so I don’t think anything traumatic in particular sparked this stream of questions. I’m good on the general “what is death how do people die” and listing all the ways we keep ourselves safe so he doesn’t need to worry about him or me dying….but all the how do younger people die and do people ever kill other people and why they do that really made me trip up

[Anonymous]

I had to explain the concept of dying to my son when he was 5 and my Dad died. It was very difficult and felt like the worst groundhog day ever because he did not really get it at all. Have no answers except to say good thing you are talking about it before a real painful death occurs.

[Anonymous]

This is a really common age to start thinking about death. I believe in being super honest, with a slight positive slant.

- do moms ever die before their grandmas and if so what kills them - yes, but rarely. car accident (which is why we look both ways before we cross and hold hands and wear seatbelts), cancer (which is why we wear sunscreen), etc.
- do kids ever die / how do they die - see above
- do people ever kill other people? How? Why? - I would kill someone if they were trying to kill you. I would protect you.
- how often do people that aren’t old die - I don't know the statistics.
- do people ever die on purpose - yes.

[Anonymous]

Honesty but keeping it simple is best. A clever child will see through BS and platitudes and end up more afraid and distrustful.

[Anonymous]

We found the book “Lifetimes” a great book to explain death to children. There are still questions, but it helps with a framework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really common age to start thinking about death. I believe in being super honest, with a slight positive slant.

- do moms ever die before their grandmas and if so what kills them - yes, but rarely. car accident (which is why we look both ways before we cross and hold hands and wear seatbelts), cancer (which is why we wear sunscreen), etc.
- do kids ever die / how do they die - see above
- do people ever kill other people? How? Why? - I would kill someone if they were trying to kill you. I would protect you.
- how often do people that aren’t old die - I don't know the statistics.
- do people ever die on purpose - yes.

I think these are pretty good. I would modify "how often do people that aren't old" to "I don't know, but it's not very often. They might be in a car accident or something like that."

"Do people ever die on purpose" add "Yes, but they are generally quite ill and in pain."

reiterate "wear our seat belts, eat healthy, exercise" are all good habits to promote a long and healthy life.

[Anonymous]

I always start with asking what the kid thibks first. And go form there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always start with asking what the kid thibks first. And go form there.

I generally take this approach too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always start with asking what the kid thibks first. And go form there.

I generally take this approach too.

+1. I once way overcomplicated a discussion with my 5yo about God and heaven. He was looking for much simpler answers. Now I ask his thoughts first.

[Anonymous]

I was raised speaking openly about death, and I am raising my children the same way.

Before the age of five or six, my children have dealt with the death of their sister (due to stillbirth), their uncle (due to cancer), and three pets.

I am open and honest about each situation, telling them that everything dies, but it is usually at the end of a long life for that species (their pet hamsters lived a few years, our dog lived to be 13, etc.). We take precautions to prevent injury and death (such as wearing seatbelts, not playing outside during lightning storms, getting our shots, etc.), but sometimes, rarely, there is nothing we can do, such as when our baby girl died or when Uncle died. I encourage them to ask questions, talk about their loved ones if they choose, etc. It is all very open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always start with asking what the kid thibks first. And go form there.

I generally take this approach too.

Op here - I try that (with his billions of questions) and he says “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you?” And if I say “I don’t know either, what do you think” he says “you have more experience than I do so your thinking is probably more accurate” 😂 damn kid won’t let me out of answering anything

[Anonymous]

When possible and appropriate I would direct this kid's curiosity and desire for info into "I'm not sure, let's look that up!" Not to answer all his questions about death since some involve personal feelings rather than data, but this child seems to have an endless desire to know what's going on. Help him learn how to find things out.

[Anonymous]

I agree on PPs with simple and honest. Everyone dies, normally when they’re old. But sometimes, people have accidents and die. Other times, they get sick and doctors, despite trying to help them better, can’t. It’s very sad when that happens to someone you love, because you miss them.