Asking DH for a second favor right after a first

[Anonymous]

How do you ask your husband for more when he's already doing you a favor?
Husband is spending all day watching kids for a big thing I am involved in soon, but there's another leisure thing I want to do that same week. It's not a medical need or a housework thing. It's just for me.

Because he works a lot and I'm a SAHM, and I'm not the best at it (especially the keeping house part - I worked until the second kid), and I know that there's not enough time in the day for his work, and personal time, and his house responsibilities.... I don't feel like I can ask for more.

I wish he would just agree to do anything I want all the time cheerfully and happily, but that is perhaps excessive and spoiled.

So what do I do?

[Anonymous]

What? You just ask. Tell him to make a plan to go out with his friends if it helps keep things even

[Anonymous]

It’s not a favor to watch the kids. It’s parenting. So just ask. Or hire a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Get a job. Then start counting exchange of favors.

[Anonymous]

All day watching the kids isn't a "favor."

I don't know a single man who views it that way.

[Anonymous]

Can you hire a sitter?

[Anonymous]

Dh and I are always trading off on things. It's not a favor and neither of us feel bad. That said, when I stayed at home, I felt similar things to you. I dont think I was made to be a stay at home mom, I really struggled with the dynamics even though DH was awesome and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Just hire a sitter if he has other plans. But when are you going to spend quality time with him?

[Anonymous]

Do you feel he gives you a hard time when he has to watch the kids? That’s not quite fair to you. As another PP mentioned, he is their parent as well. I’m a SAHM also. In our marriage, I would just ask. And my DH would do it. He would not make me feel bad or weird? He’s a parent & it’s his job also to take care of his kids.

[Anonymous]

Hire a babysitter and he gets the night off too.

[Anonymous]

OP, people are going to jump all over you for calling watching the kids a "Favor." I agree with them that it is not.

BUT, in the context of generally distributing household tasks in an equitable manner, this is a real issue. Couples often have to discuss who does what in terms of childcare and everything else in a way that ensures both of them get enough time to recharge and do what they need to do to feel like a whole person.

As long as your husband, over the course of time, gets equally opportunity to go out and do things "just for him", this would be find in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Watching the kids so she can go out does seem like a favor. Just like her watching the kids so he can go out would be a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watching the kids so she can go out does seem like a favor. Just like her watching the kids so he can go out would be a favor.

To me "favor" entails doing something for someone that they otherwise would unquestionably be obligated to do for themselves AND that the person doing the favor has no independent responsibility for.

So to me, not a favor. But definitely something worth discussing for the good of the relationship/family.

[Anonymous]

What to do is talk to him about this. Tell what you told DCUM and ask him what he thinks/feels. Communicate. Working through the minor things together will strengthen your relationship and hold you in good stead when something major comes up.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? DH and I both work outside the home and are exhausted a lot. Too much. We try to help each other out and support each other when we want to do fun things too. If you are a SAHM with kids home all day, that’s also a lot of work.

I would tell him, “I have plans to go *** on Thursday. I know you have been really busy lately. Will you be free that night or should I hire a sitter?”