GUILT IS KICKING IN BIG TIME! HEADED TO RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT

[Anonymous]

I have been struggling for months, with my 15 yr old DS, & I finally pulled the plug, & am having him admitted. I'm reposting my original message. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing!!


Original message:

My DS is out of control. I feel like I've tried everything, therapy, psychiatrist, and I'm at my wits end. 1st of all, he has been diagnosed with a mood disorder, as well as depression. He is also doing weed and drinking alcohol. He cusses me out, and calls me names. Recently, while i have no solid proof, I believe that he actually has been stealing money from me, through credit cards, and cash app. For the longest time, I actually thought my accounts were being hacked. Every time I changed my debit card, the same thing kept happening over and over again. I put 2 and 2 together, when I saw a mysterious charge on my credit card, that was declined at a liquor store, right down the street from his school. I've set up appointments, and I'm hoping that he will be in impatient treatment before the end of the month. However, now I'm going through guilt, Wondering if I should give out patient of try first. Sometimes, I feel so guilty, because I honestly believe that I will not have any peace, until he is gone. I am mentally and physically and emotionally exhausted. Is there anyone that's been through this? How do I deal with this ?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I forgot to mention that he has been cutting, & has threatened to harm himself. Always says he wants to die. He's very resentful right now, blaming me for everything. I know I'm not perfect, but I have done my very best, & tried to give him everything. I took him to the ER last weekend, & on the way, he jumped out the car, & tried to run away. Being at home everyday is stressful. I feel like my mental and physical well being are on the line, as well

[Anonymous]

I’m going to speak as someone who went through this from your sons perspective. I had behavior as a kid which would now just be considered difficult or strong willed, maybe depressed. In the 1980s and 90s the private psychiatric industry boomed and they needed to fill beds so their were all these campaigns to admit “troubled kids.” Many psychiatrists got kickbacks for doing this. You can look this up, there are tons of articles about it. Anyway, my parents did this to me and although we have a relationship, deep down I will never forgive them and it’s an unprocessed trauma I live with daily. So my advice is, try outpatient first. Those places can be awful. I’m sorry you are going through this. If it makes you feel better I’m a successful adult now with no mental issues. I hope your son comes through this the same.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP and just saw your second post about the suicide attempts etc. That probably changes my answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to speak as someone who went through this from your sons perspective. I had behavior as a kid which would now just be considered difficult or strong willed, maybe depressed. In the 1980s and 90s the private psychiatric industry boomed and they needed to fill beds so their were all these campaigns to admit “troubled kids.” Many psychiatrists got kickbacks for doing this. You can look this up, there are tons of articles about it. Anyway, my parents did this to me and although we have a relationship, deep down I will never forgive them and it’s an unprocessed trauma I live with daily. So my advice is, try outpatient first. Those places can be awful. I’m sorry you are going through this. If it makes you feel better I’m a successful adult now with no mental issues. I hope your son comes through this the same.

I am glad you are doing so well now, but I'm not sure this is helpful to OP. In my non-professional opinion, OP's situation sounds too volatile to be managed outpatient, at least at first. OP can't have any relationship with her son if he follows through on his threats and behavior like jumping out of a car shows he is serious. I agree that he needs urgent help.

OP, I am SO SO sorry you are going through this!

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. Any chance he’s been molested as a child?

[Anonymous]

I believe in your earlier thread, several people encouraged you to join the WTRS (Wilderness Therapy and Residential Treatment Search Support) Facebook page. Have you done that? It is a great resource. In my opinion, this situation is not going to right itself without drastic intervention--beyond outpatient treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to speak as someone who went through this from your sons perspective. I had behavior as a kid which would now just be considered difficult or strong willed, maybe depressed. In the 1980s and 90s the private psychiatric industry boomed and they needed to fill beds so their were all these campaigns to admit “troubled kids.” Many psychiatrists got kickbacks for doing this. You can look this up, there are tons of articles about it. Anyway, my parents did this to me and although we have a relationship, deep down I will never forgive them and it’s an unprocessed trauma I live with daily. So my advice is, try outpatient first. Those places can be awful. I’m sorry you are going through this. If it makes you feel better I’m a successful adult now with no mental issues. I hope your son comes through this the same.

I am glad you are doing so well now, but I'm not sure this is helpful to OP. In my non-professional opinion, OP's situation sounds too volatile to be managed outpatient, at least at first. OP can't have any relationship with her son if he follows through on his threats and behavior like jumping out of a car shows he is serious. I agree that he needs urgent help.

OP, I am SO SO sorry you are going through this!

Former PP here and yes, agree after the second part of the message OP posted this is a much more serious situation than what I was facing. OP, I wish you the best in getting your son help. My advice would be to just be transparent, communicative and support to him throughout the process, whatever you decide. My parents were not and that was the problem. I truly wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Parent of a similar teen.

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING.

Your child is out of control right now, is self-harming and expressing suicidal ideation. He needs to be hospitalized.

This happened to my son last fall. I don't want to downplay hospitalization, I was a wreck when it happened, but it was totally fine in the end. My DS was in for a total of five days, during which time he had his meds adjusted and we had the breathing space to set the household up for his return, including making it a safer place(locking up knives etc.) and finding an outpatient program for him to enter when he got out. We spoke twice every day. He was not traumatized in the slightest. If anything he was a it bored but he actually made friends.

You need help.

Do not feel guilty about this. They are not going to keep him for months in some kind of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest situation. It's just not like that. Where is he going to be admitted?

I have heard good things about Sheppard Pratt. My son went to Brook Lane and I feel that was the beginning of the way forward for us so I don't regret it at all.

GL and stay strong.

[Anonymous]

Do you follow Kristina Kuzmic on FB? If not - check out her posts about her oldest son, who is now through the worst and on the other side. So many commenters on her posts have been through this too. You might find reading those helpful.

[Anonymous]

You sound like an amazing mom who will do anything for you son.

[Anonymous]

ETA^^

I see he is going into residential treatment, and not a hospital. But I stand by my basic message -- this is the help that both he and you need. Please take the time to get yourself into therapy if you're not already and find the support you will both need once he gets out.

I wish I could take you out for a cup of coffee and reassure you that none of this makes you a bad parent. In fact, that you care so much and are involved speaks volumes.

Just remember that this is a marathon, and not a sprint. There is likely to be years more of this kind of thing so don't go Defcon 1. He will be in good hands. It will be OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a similar teen.

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING.

Your child is out of control right now, is self-harming and expressing suicidal ideation. He needs to be hospitalized.

This happened to my son last fall. I don't want to downplay hospitalization, I was a wreck when it happened, but it was totally fine in the end. My DS was in for a total of five days, during which time he had his meds adjusted and we had the breathing space to set the household up for his return, including making it a safer place(locking up knives etc.) and finding an outpatient program for him to enter when he got out. We spoke twice every day. He was not traumatized in the slightest. If anything he was a it bored but he actually made friends.

You need help.

Do not feel guilty about this. They are not going to keep him for months in some kind of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest situation. It's just not like that. Where is he going to be admitted?

I have heard good things about Sheppard Pratt. My son went to Brook Lane and I feel that was the beginning of the way forward for us so I don't regret it at all.

GL and stay strong.[/quote


OP here. Your son was only admitted for 5 days? Was it residential or PHP? The program he is going to is 45-60 days. Is that too long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you follow Kristina Kuzmic on FB? If not - check out her posts about her oldest son, who is now through the worst and on the other side. So many commenters on her posts have been through this too. You might find reading those helpful.

OP here. I'll check it out. Thanks

[Anonymous]

OP, you are taking good care of your son, but please take care of yourself as well.

There are total strangers out here wishing the best for you.