Child won't hold my hand

[Anonymous]

My daughter is what we like to call "willful." She is 15 months old and walks very well, so we like to try to have her walk with us on the sidewalk for a little bit at a time but she refuses to hold our hands for more than a minute or so. When she lets go I make her stop and try to explain that if she won't hold my hand she can't walk, but at 15 months that's not really registering. Did anyone experience this when your child was this age, and did it get better once they could understand you?

[Anonymous]

My 2 and a half year old tries this and since he's not too heavy, we say, if you don't hold my hand, you get carried. Since he loves the independence of walking, he'll comply. It does get easier, but not unilt closer to 3 for us (at least that's how it was with #1 DC).

[Anonymous]

We don't force dc to hold hands on the sidewalk. But holding hands in parking lots and crossing streets is non-negotiable. He doesn't like it, but he gets to choose whether to hold hands or get carried. And he loves to walk. But if I tried to institute this for sidewalks too, it wouldn't work. I say choose your battles. If you really want to stick, choose where it's important to you. But a rule that you must always hold hands on a sidewalk would be impractical and too hard to enforce in my house.

[Anonymous]

I want her to hold my hand on the sidewalk because she's too young to understand when I tell her to walk next to me, so there's the fear that she'll bolt and run into the street (of course I'd grab her right away, but I don't even want to have to go there). I saw a small child almost get hit by a car the other day and it freaked me out! If she knew to stay next to me I wouldn't mind her not holding my hand on the sidewalk, but crossing the street, parking lots, etc... she absolutely needs to hold on or she's going to be carried or pushed in the stroller. Does anyone know at what age they start to understand this?

[Anonymous]

I'll credit my nanny with this idea:

Begin to play "stop" and "go" with dd so that she learns to stop when you tell her to but sees the learning as fun. Works pretty well with our strong-willed dd. We also did not enforce hand-holding on the sidewalks at all time, but we did with crossing the street (hand-holding or being carried). Have to pick your battles with the SW ones

[Anonymous]

I would explain less and use a firmer tone when it comes to crossing the street. You can work on just walking beside you on the sidewalk, but only if she can understand the non-negotiable tone of your voice when you say "stop."

Also:
Perhaps you are not holding her hand in a comfortable way for her? My mom used to do that in the street when she was nervous. Really uncomfortable - too high, and kept me off balance.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try a harness--you can get the cute ones that look like animals at Target.
If she doesn't like it, explain that it's hold your hand or use the harness.
It can be hard for them to hold their hand up too, it may just be uncomfortable for her.

[Anonymous]

If that fails, with my dd we just didn't go anywhere or used the stroller for fear of losing her. When she got older, and could understand, we let her walk while out.

[Anonymous]

kids at this age..need their freedom. I would go out of you way to choose places where she CAN walk with a bit more freedom. Even on the sidewalk..there she should have as much freedom as possible, until you get near the street.

[Anonymous]

Parks are for running and freedom, sidewalks are not. Sidewalks are too close to to the street, and have too many people walking around, not paying attention to a 15 month old.

I agree, that it's a good idea telling her that if she doesn't hold your hand, she can't walk. I used this tactic on my willful child, and it worked. She also holds on the grocery cart and walks, or goes into the cart.

Yes, kids need some freedoms, but not in dangerous places. It only takes a second for someone to walk between you and have your child walk into traffic.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP and 23:24 - I too feel fearful that my daughter will bolt into the street or too far ahead of me to keep her out of danger's way. Between 15mo and 2yo we had some tantrums over this, but for us it was a non-negotiable question of safety. After 2yo, she got much better about holding hands. We do try to take her lots of places where she can walk freely, so that she can get it out of her system and feel the sense of "freedom", but in the case of sidewalks, you need to continue being firm. Once in a while she still tries to break free of the hand, but now the choice is holding hands or going home (since we do not always want to drag the stroller around at this age).

[Anonymous]

Try walking with your arm in the air while someone grips it for long periods of time. Expecially if the person is much taller than you. Its just not comfortable.

I think expecting a very young child to be able to do that for long periods of time is unreasonable. On sidewalks, I just had my DD walk on the interior side of the walk so she wasn't near the street and kept reminding her to stay close. She couldn't remember for more than a few seconds so it was frustrating but in a couple months she caught on. If she ran off and wouldn't stop or come back, I either carried her or put her back in the stroller/cart for a little while and then let her try walking again on her own.