How much do you lead / push kids with extracurriculars vs expect them to lead/be driven?

[Anonymous]

I have an eleven year old who has tried so many things—sailing, swimming, horseback riding, fencing, skiing, baseball, tennis, chess, etc, but he has zero drive to stick with anything. To what extent do you force them /lead them/push them to pursue and work at extracurriculars vs expect them to be internally motivated? He has some ability in and focus at the time that he is doing then, but no follow through, drive, or ongoing effort to level up unless I push him to it. If it were up to him he would spend all day watching Roblox videos. Which I hate.

[Anonymous]

Adolescence is hard, and kids get harder to persuade and cajole into things. I'm seeing this with my 11 year old and her instrument practice. Right now, she still loves orchestra enough that she tolerates her private lessons (which are required for her orchestra), but I don't know how long that's going to last. One thing that was keeping her motivated was weekly horseback riding, but her center shut down during the pandemic. Were did your child ride on horseback, OP? I'm looking for another barn, because that will definitely make her more willing to engage in "harder" hobbies.

[Anonymous]

I don't actually think they need to focus on only one thing. If they want to change sports/extra currics every year/season then that's okay with me. As long as they're not quitting the play the week before curtain goes up or quitting drums two nights before the concert, it's fine.

[Anonymous]

There is a balancing act. Learning to do something well takes time, effort and lots of practice. No one sits down at a piano for the first time and plays Bach. In 7 or 8 years you may start to see some signs. Same, with sports and many, many other topics.

So - your role as a parent is to help guide your kids. What you can do is learn about options for your kids to participate in activities like a sport, and know what your kid is capable of doing. If your daughter is going to be 6 feet tall then help her use that to focus on activities/sports where that height is an advantage and not a disadvantage. Basketball and not gymnastics.

No kid is automatically good at anything. Practice. But practice is hard and often not fun. Learning to appreciate the effort you put into improving a little bit over time is a skill too.

[Anonymous]

I'll never push or force my kids with any activities. Some activities are off the table right off the bat. Yes, I think kids should work hard and kno that not every single second is going to be fun, but at the end of the day if it's not fun or enjoyable it's not worth it. I also don't believe in pushing a kid in an activity j7st because they're good at it ir have talent. It doesn't matter if your good at it, if you don't like it, you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

absolutely have to push because otherwise they just drift from one activity to another as soon as they actually need to put some effort in it.

[Anonymous]

I push one child because he would not do anything otherwise. Sometimes I give several choices and tell him he has to pick one. They range from team sports to classes of all sorts.

Fore my other kid, it’s more like “soccer sign ups are happening. Do you want me to register again? I’m sure there will be lots of kids from school.” The answer is always yes so no pushing is needed.