Support group for single women going through egg freezing?

[Anonymous]

Is this the right forum for this question, or am I posting in the wrong place?

I really appreciate what I've learned in this space as I've done my research on the process, but it would be great to have a place to chat with other single 30something women who are considering/have done egg freezing, live alone, and/or maybe just don't have any other place to discuss this process. I don't know about you all, but it wasn't in my plan to lose my prime fertile years to dating in a pandemic, but here we are.

I'm well aware that it's a tremendous privilege to be able to even consider this, but it is also pretty frustrating and heartbreaking to feel like I'm running out of time and have no other options. Not to mention that it's expensive, kinda scary, and brings up all sorts of feelings about my life choices. IDK - am I the only out here looking for such a virtual space? Every other support group I've found is specifically for women who have decided they 100% want to have children and are struggling with infertility - while I can't even imagine what that's like, I'm just wondering if there's space to discuss the other challenges out there too?

[Anonymous]

I don't have a helpful group to recommend, but I am in a pretty similar situation (although I don't live alone, I have multiple roommates) and in the middle of my first round of freezing right now. I have frequent waves of anxiety/contemplation/etc about all the other women who went into the pandemic single and low-30s (me!) and didn't realize it was going to be 2 years of hard times meeting people or doing anything and so are now more panic-y about the typical timeline. I can't stop my mind from being like, well I'm 33 now, so even if I got engaged next month, I'd have to plan a wedding and then what if I don't get pregnant right away and then I want two kids and that sort of spiraling is not very helpful.

Sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say, but I agree it is hard to find anyone to talk to about this. A lot of my married friends or friends with children had very different complaints during the pandemic and it was challenging for me to listen to (even though of course I recognize their challenges are just as hard, just different than mine).

[Anonymous]

Word - I was living with roommates but moved out at the start of covid when I got a raise and their addictions to alcohol sadly got to be too much to handle. I'm a tad older but I hear ya! All of a sudden 35 isn't just some number in the distant future. And totally agree - my friends with partners/kids have had totally different challenges during the pandemic. The struggle is real; just varied.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in your same boat a while ago ( early-mid 30's ) and running out of time, not wanting to " settle" for any of the men I was dating, and not really needing help with fertility but just ....running out of time. Covid has thrown everyone off, but could also have been Med school, law school, wanting to make partner at your firm, etc... that made you low priority dating.

Egg freezing was not really a viable technology back then so I took the leap and just went with an Anon sperm donor. In our little group of Moms by choice who chose the same donor are 3 lawyers, one Diplomat, an Actress and a few college professors.

Best decision I ever made.

Here is my advice: you don't need a support group or validation for your choice- just save your money, listen to what you yourself really want and just do it.

Good Luck

[Anonymous]

Egg Freezing Forum on Facebook. I found it supportive. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Podcast by a young British journalist that you should find validating/relatable:
https://play.acast.com/s/freezing-time

[Anonymous]

Shady Grove might have a support group for that, or they might be willing to start one of you express interest. The only issue I see with sustaining such a group is that most women who do egg freezing aren’t in the process for a super long time, so I don’t know that that many people would show up at meetings. But Shady Grove might be willing to try it. A social worker would lead the group.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the support and resources! I honestly have such mixed feelings about spending so much money to do it when there are people with so many other problems out there, but I appreciate you all. Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the right forum for this question, or am I posting in the wrong place?

I really appreciate what I've learned in this space as I've done my research on the process, but it would be great to have a place to chat with other single 30something women who are considering/have done egg freezing, live alone, and/or maybe just don't have any other place to discuss this process. I don't know about you all, but it wasn't in my plan to lose my prime fertile years to dating in a pandemic, but here we are.

I'm well aware that it's a tremendous privilege to be able to even consider this, but it is also pretty frustrating and heartbreaking to feel like I'm running out of time and have no other options. Not to mention that it's expensive, kinda scary, and brings up all sorts of feelings about my life choices. IDK - am I the only out here looking for such a virtual space? Every other support group I've found is specifically for women who have decided they 100% want to have children and are struggling with infertility - while I can't even imagine what that's like, I'm just wondering if there's space to discuss the other challenges out there too?

Carefully review success statistics. I've heard something like freezing eggs only increases your chances of having a baby by like 5-10 percent - because they are so fragile and don't survive freezing very well. It may be worth exploring sperm donors and freezing embryos. If you end up meeting a man you want to have children with, you might end up needing to use donor eggs anyway depending on your age at the time you are ready to get pregnant. So its possible that you might not be able to have full bio kids with him anyhow.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I have, and I'm not interested in using a sperm donor at this point. I'm not interested in becoming a single mother by choice (yet - that may change but doubtful as I have no family help and it would be a stretch to my income that may not be fair to the child, but I have time to grow my career). I lost dating time due to the pandemic and still have hope that I may meet someone.

If I find a partner and there are issues with his sperm/my ability to have children at the time (naturally or with my frozen eggs), then we'll re-evaluate and if we have to go with donor, we will. At least by then we'll be planning together on two incomes, not one.

I've gotten negative feedback on this forum often for this choice, but it gives me the most options for my personal goals and reasons for egg freezing. I realize none of this is a guarantee, but this is my choice.

[Anonymous]

Do it! I froze my eggs at 33 in a similar situation. It was 2019, so pre-pandemic, but I had been stationed overseas with the military for 2 years and wasn't able to do it then and also wasn't able to date much, so I felt a similar sense of time-crunch once I came back to the US. I was very lucky in that my costs were less given the military paid half, but I would still recommend it if you have the money to spare.

It gave me great peace of mind when I got back into dating, and also helped me learn more about my body and fertility. I suggest you should do your own research on the success rates of de-thawing and fertilizing to understand what number of eggs you would feel comfortable with. Also make sure the clinic is using the latest technologies for freezing/thawing. For me, good fertility runs in my family, so, fingers crossed, I may be able to have 1 kid naturally, and then use the eggs for a second kid if my natural fertility has run out by then.

I met my now-finance about a year after I froze my eggs, and we got engaged after 2 years of dating. Having eggs in the bank definitely took a bit of the pressure off of a timeline, and for that, I am grateful. Getting married at 37 doesn't seem quite as scary with a small stash of eggs on ice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do it! I froze my eggs at 33 in a similar situation. It was 2019, so pre-pandemic, but I had been stationed overseas with the military for 2 years and wasn't able to do it then and also wasn't able to date much, so I felt a similar sense of time-crunch once I came back to the US. I was very lucky in that my costs were less given the military paid half, but I would still recommend it if you have the money to spare.

It gave me great peace of mind when I got back into dating, and also helped me learn more about my body and fertility. I suggest you should do your own research on the success rates of de-thawing and fertilizing to understand what number of eggs you would feel comfortable with. Also make sure the clinic is using the latest technologies for freezing/thawing. For me, good fertility runs in my family, so, fingers crossed, I may be able to have 1 kid naturally, and then use the eggs for a second kid if my natural fertility has run out by then.

I met my now-finance about a year after I froze my eggs, and we got engaged after 2 years of dating. Having eggs in the bank definitely took a bit of the pressure off of a timeline, and for that, I am grateful. Getting married at 37 doesn't seem quite as scary with a small stash of eggs on ice.

Oh, I'm doing it! Had my first ultrasound today; AFC is 8 which is lower than I'd hoped but the doc said it could just be due to the fact I've been on birth control for over a decade. He's going to have me stay on it as we move forward.

I so appreciate your response, though! A good reminder of all the various situations out there, pandemic or not. I only have the money to spare thanks to a new job and the pandemic student loan forbearance, which is really the only way I would have ever started thinking this was even an option financially. It should end up being about 10k-16k depending on the meds, etc. for one cycle (ideally 12-14 eggs); hopefully that's all I'll need, fingers crossed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Every other support group I've found is specifically for women who have decided they 100% want to have children and are struggling with infertility - while I can't even imagine what that's like, I'm just wondering if there's space to discuss the other challenges out there too?

Not single, but OP you have my support 100%. The wrong man can waste your fertile years during nonpandemic and not let you go/get a sperm donor/etc because his ego doesn't want anyone to know about his sterility.

[Anonymous]

Before I adopted my newborn (8 years ago) I made good friends from all over the country on Fertility Ties online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Egg Freezing Forum on Facebook. I found it supportive. Good luck!

I found a cohort of women doing this in the DMV area on this page. We met in real life and ended up forming a support group locally.