Miscarriages and infertility

[Anonymous]

Why is this topic not addressed openly with adequate support for women? What could be better? It’s almost like during these times, you need a therapist. Your view of life is rocked to its core, you are in so much pain, etc… No friend can really shoulder that burden. It’s just weird.

[Anonymous]

I agree. The doctors and nurses just act like nothing happened.

[Anonymous]

I agree. Please join a support group.

[Anonymous]

If you're saying "it's almost like you need a therapist" you should just see a therapist. The right one will help tremendously in situations like these.

[Anonymous]

if you want to see a therapist, you should see one. There are support groups - check out local hospitals. You could also find a Facebook group.

I went through a miscarriage after getting pregnant via treatments. That sucked. I get it. I personally did NOT do therapy, but I allowed myself to feel the pain AND I do speak about it occasionally when the opportunity presents itself. Much like I share my cancer story when appropriate.

Sorry for your loss. There are many of us out here who have had them and are willing to speak with you.

I don't know why there isn't a grief counselor available at ob offices or at least a referral. That should be part of any appointment involving m/c.

Mental health treatment in this country is terrible, and this is just part of it

[Anonymous]

I agree, it's so painful and you are expected to just tidy up and move on. I think there is a shift happening where people are being more open about losses and how hard they are emotionally, but we're not there yet. Definitely get a therapist if you feel like it would help, or find an online support group.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your loss. I think OBs should not only provide support for people struggling with infertility issues, they should also prepare young fertile women with "normal" health profiles for the very real possibility of repeated early miscarriages/chemical pregnancies. I had no idea how common it was, and I had 3 overall before having my daughter, with no diagnosed fertility issues - just bad luck the first few tries.

Part of it, of course, is when you're trying, you tend to test a lot (and early). Just like with asymptomatic covid cases -- if you test a billion times, you'll probably catch some positives that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.

[Anonymous]

I had a miscarriage last year, I see a therapist, and I've told 2 people aside from my husband. I don't want my pain and grief to be public, or for people to constantly be watching whether I'm pregnant yet, or asking how I feel about it.

Yes, it should be acknowledged as a difficult and painful experience, but not everyone needs to be public about it - in my experience being open about things leads to way too many people thinking they can inquire about deeply personal decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a miscarriage last year, I see a therapist, and I've told 2 people aside from my husband. I don't want my pain and grief to be public, or for people to constantly be watching whether I'm pregnant yet, or asking how I feel about it.

Yes, it should be acknowledged as a difficult and painful experience, but not everyone needs to be public about it - in my experience being open about things leads to way too many people thinking they can inquire about deeply personal decisions.

Yep I regret oversharing with not-that-close friends. I did not want to take the Meghan Markle approach, in retrospect.

[Anonymous]

Healthcare is a complete joke in most regards--I am sorry if you are having to confront this reality in the context of a miscarriage. Doctors don't do wellness or mental health--that is something you have to seek out on your own and pay for. Troubling, but if you have the resources, it's a relief when you just accept this.

[Anonymous]

I didn't talk openly about my infertility and miscarriages (and loss of one twin at 22 weeks) mostly because it made me really sad. And I didn't feel compelled to share with people I didn't want to share it with. That was my choice. But there are plenty of people who love publicly sharing about their hardships and pain.

[Anonymous]

After 2 miscarriages and a stillbirth, Kate Marosek was a huge help to my mental health. I saw her through my subsequent successful pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

I’m not an oversharer at all but I have no problem mentioning briefly having two miscarriages if something like that comes up. I had infertility prior to those and that was much tougher to talk about. Still is. Frankly almost everyone has miscarriages, not many know what it’s like to not get pregnant at all, and there seems to be more shame attached to that.