Cold Feet But I Love Him

[Anonymous]

My fiancé and I have been together for a year and I can’t imagine spending my life without him. He’s the best partner for me an makes me feel so loved and so comfortable with him. Our life is good and the sex is the best I’ve ever had in my life. He’s an amazing person and I’m excited to spend our life together, growing and hopefully one day raising a family together. He proposed on Valentine’s Day and I’ve been so happy, but also have cold feet. It’s like I’m mostly happy but then I get little weird movements where I feel like things really happening to fast and I’m making all these decisions about the rest of my life and it’s scary. I don’t know why I feel this way or if it’s normal. I’m so happy with him and I definitely want to marry him. Is it normal to feel a bit of cold feet or a moment here and there where things are moving so fast?

[Anonymous]

Normal.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal and will pass. I had the same feeling when I was marrying my husband. I loved him but has some freak out moments when I thought about how I’m making such a huge decision for the rest of my life and choosing a father for my future kids. Marriage is a big step and I think many people have the same feelings as you do. Many talk with your fiancé about it.

[Anonymous]

Had you discussed getting married prior to his proposal or did he spring it on you?

Also how old are you both? I've heard that it's common for people in their 30s with established lives to feel like this

A certain level of nerves and gold feet is normal but it's worth exploring why and maybe having a conversation with him. Nothing wrong with needing to slow down or realizing as great as he is he isn't the one

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a big change. Even if you’re all about this guy, it’s the end of a certain stage in your life and the beginning of another one. It’s normal to mourn what you’re giving up in the transition.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm 29 and I could've written this (although I'm not quite engaged yet) and I'm encouraged people are saying this is normal. I love my S/O and am so excited to build a life with him; but marriage to me also seems like the true start of a 'grown-up' life and its associated challenges (balancing careers, starting a family, affording a home, budgeting/finances)...I sometimes feel nostalgic for my early/mid 20s when it was just me living in the city with my dog with (relatively) no responsibilities.

Also, reading this forum, the majority of folks seem miserable and that alone makes me anxious for marriage.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s got to be normal for anyone self-aware to have those thoughts! I’ve been married almost 20 years now and when DH proposed, I actually felt mostly shock and dread. (Please don’t tell him ) And yet there is no one on Earth better suited for me. I am so grateful we are married, and even when we have bumps or even crises, I’m so glad he’s my husband.

It’s funny—whenever I see photos of proposals, I always wonder whether the woman is as delighted as she looks or actually feeling as baffled as I did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I have been together for a year and I can’t imagine spending my life without him. He’s the best partner for me an makes me feel so loved and so comfortable with him. Our life is good and the sex is the best I’ve ever had in my life. He’s an amazing person and I’m excited to spend our life together, growing and hopefully one day raising a family together. He proposed on Valentine’s Day and I’ve been so happy, but also have cold feet. It’s like I’m mostly happy but then I get little weird movements where I feel like things really happening to fast and I’m making all these decisions about the rest of my life and it’s scary. I don’t know why I feel this way or if it’s normal. I’m so happy with him and I definitely want to marry him. Is it normal to feel a bit of cold feet or a moment here and there where things are moving so fast?

Its perfectly normal and you should take time until you feel ready. There is no compulsion for rushing to get married just because you are engaged. Enjoy being engaged.

[Anonymous]

Kids these days...thinking being together for one year is a long time. LOL. Many people used to date for 2-3 years before marriage.

One year his nothing. Seriously, many kids In high school and college date longer. Wait until year 2-3 before talking about marriage. This way you know what each of you are really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids these days...thinking being together for one year is a long time. LOL. Many people used to date for 2-3 years before marriage.

One year his nothing. Seriously, many kids In high school and college date longer. Wait until year 2-3 before talking about marriage. This way you know what each of you are really like.

It depends on how old OP is. If she's in her 30s, the clock is running hard on this stuff. Don't waste time, OP. 33 is not 23. You don't have the luxury of time anymore. Don't make decisions like you're 23. Lock this down, don't be wishy washy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had you discussed getting married prior to his proposal or did he spring it on you?

Also how old are you both? I've heard that it's common for people in their 30s with established lives to feel like this

A certain level of nerves and gold feet is normal but it's worth exploring why and maybe having a conversation with him. Nothing wrong with needing to slow down or realizing as great as he is he isn't the one

OP here. We talked about marriage. I didn’t know the exact time he would propose but I knew it would be within these months.

I’m 32 and he is 37.

[Anonymous]

How’s his communication and conflict resolution?

What things have happened in the past where your gut said WTH. And then your brain made excuses.

Are there any red flags?
If so maybe your body knows more than your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm 29 and I could've written this (although I'm not quite engaged yet) and I'm encouraged people are saying this is normal. I love my S/O and am so excited to build a life with him; but marriage to me also seems like the true start of a 'grown-up' life and its associated challenges (balancing careers, starting a family, affording a home, budgeting/finances)...I sometimes feel nostalgic for my early/mid 20s when it was just me living in the city with my dog with (relatively) no responsibilities.

Also, reading this forum, the majority of folks seem miserable and that alone makes me anxious for marriage.

OP here. I think this is it. I love him and I can’t wait to marry him, but it’s almost kind of sad because I feel like I’m closing a chapter and moving on from being single or dating to being a wife and possibly a mother. I feel like I’m really growing up and I feel a little sad that I will be leaving the single years and my low responsibility time in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm 29 and I could've written this (although I'm not quite engaged yet) and I'm encouraged people are saying this is normal. I love my S/O and am so excited to build a life with him; but marriage to me also seems like the true start of a 'grown-up' life and its associated challenges (balancing careers, starting a family, affording a home, budgeting/finances)...I sometimes feel nostalgic for my early/mid 20s when it was just me living in the city with my dog with (relatively) no responsibilities.

Also, reading this forum, the majority of folks seem miserable and that alone makes me anxious for marriage.

OP here. I think this is it. I love him and I can’t wait to marry him, but it’s almost kind of sad because I feel like I’m closing a chapter and moving on from being single or dating to being a wife and possibly a mother. I feel like I’m really growing up and I feel a little sad that I will be leaving the single years and my low responsibility time in the past.

Um. You're 32 you have been a grown up for a long ass time now..

Side bar, but this is one reason I don't agree with surprise proposal. Agree to get married and be ready for it then. None of this I'm going to be a real grown up nonsense

[Anonymous]

My best advice is to do premarital counseling with a good therapist. Make sure you are both on the same page with regard to values, finances, life goals. And before you marry him, make sure you know how he handles major stress.