Please tell me about having a third with the first two being in elementary

[Anonymous]

I thought I was done but I wasn’t! DD (7, will be 8) and DS (5). I imagine I will savor the baby stage more because this is definitely it for me, but I’m curious: how did your kids adjust? How did your family dynamic change? Looking forward to your responses, thanks!

[Anonymous]

My first two are 5 years apart. It was deliberate on my part because the oldest had special needs and we wanted to focus on him during his intensive therapy period. He adjusted perfectly, and they have always had a close bond. The baby was portable and went to his activities no problem, and my oldest was patient and understanding with baby/toddler needs.

Now they’re teens and tweens, I’m unexpectedly pregnant again. Now *that* is another kettle of fish.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I were 10 and 7 when my brother was born. I, then 7, loved getting the constant gaze of my parents off me and loved having a living doll to dress up and play with. We’re all still very close.

[Anonymous]

I had my fourth when my oldest two were in elementary and third was in preK, DD7.5, DD5.5, and DS3.5. Once the baby was able to sit up, they began to include him in their activities.

My favorite is when they include him in their games of "school," where they are the teachers and their baby dolls are their students. I was certain they would make the baby one of the students, but they informed me that he is "staff" and that he teaches the subjects of crying and sitting.

[Anonymous]

My siblings are 6 and 8 years older than me. My mom often relied on them to help care for me. My one sister is still bitter. So my advice would be to make sure the older ones still get enough attention once the baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

Have a 3rd grader and one in K and baby. It’s awesome. I love being able to focus on the baby because the older two are independent but then to the baby goes to bed early and I can pay attention to my big kids. And they adore their baby

[Anonymous]

Oldest was 12, 2nd was 9 when Baby 3 was born. 12 was disinterested to the point of one time forgetting her name when someone asked. He completely ignored her until she was about five months and then he became Worlds Best Big Brother. 9 started out very excited and then almost dropped the baby off the changing table and worried she broke the baby and would have nothing to do with her. Eventually they got over it and became friends.

I was very firm in keeping the baby (and eventually #4) away from the older kids when their friends were over. They could go say hi and then I'd take them out after two minutes. Also, if I needed them to watch the younger kids they had to do it if it was a half hour or less. If it was more, they had the option to say no and if they said yes, they got paid as a babysitter. I think both these things helped avoid any resentment on their parts.

[Anonymous]

Mine were 5 and 7. Over the top excited and understood everything about me being pregnant and the baby coming (whereas at 2, my oldest didn't get it). Baby is 6 months old and they love her to pieces. She's seriously our MVP of the family. The kids are really helpful with her. They bring her toys, sing to her, rock her, pat her tummy when she cries. DH and I have always loved babies and cherished the baby stage, so it's fun to see our kids do the same.

Plus grandparents were over the moon for a new baby. None of our siblings had kids and I think grandparents were missing the baby stage.

[Anonymous]

These are lovely responses (OP here). The kids have SAID they’d be happy to have a new baby in the family but it remains to be seen how they’ll actually feel. I was ten when my younger brother was born and ended up having to watch him a lot - I never resented it but in hindsight I realize it wasn’t the best parenting choice on my parents behalf. I’ll be sure to be careful about that boundary (although of course my children would be too small to do that initially anyway).

Thanks all. This is very heartwarming to read.

[Anonymous]

I had a baby when my boys were in kindergarten (5) and 2nd grade (7).

I loved this age gap. It was so nice to be able to hang out with the baby all day while big kids were in school. Then I focused on the big kids when they got home from school. I had banked a lot of favors over the years so friends were super helpful with driving the kids and offering play dates.

[Anonymous]

The only caution I'd throw in (and this is only based on observation of my nephews and niece) is to give your younger one the attention and structure that is needed for his/her age. My brother and sil made my niece go with the flow and never really gave her the emotional attention she needed bc she was always swept up in the big kid stuff and on their schedule. Now she's a tween and having a really hard time emotionally and still mostly seems to get the age-appropriate care a 9yo needs when she's acting out negatively. I could have predicted this 5 years ago when I saw her acting out as a 4yo.

[Anonymous]

Mine were 5 and 6.5 when number 3 was born.

The first year was bliss. I got to stay home with the baby while kids were at school and it was so lovely.

But toddler, preschool years were a big challenge. By then, the older kids had music lessons and sports practices in evening, homework to do, etc. That was super hard with a toddler for me to manage. Naps were always interrupted to pick kids up at school and then she a cranky mess while we went to the next activity.

Often the older kids would want to do activities that weren’t age appropriate for youngest so one parent I was always staying back.

[Anonymous]

I would not do that.