How to tell 3 year old that grandma’s cat died?

[Anonymous]

My parents live nearby and we see them often. Their elderly but seemingly healthy cat suddenly and unexpectedly died last week. We haven’t told my daughter yet but are heading over today, and she will almost certainly look for the cat. Any tips? She asked me what death was once and I told her that it’s what happens if you get very old or very sick, but I don’t think it really made an impact. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

You just tell her. The cat was old and it came to the end of it's life. You can reassure her that the cat wasn't in pain (if this is true) and tell her that the cat lives on in our memories of it, and in photos and in stories we tell.

If your DD is very sad and upset by this, that's super normal and you should validate her feelings and let her know it is of course okay to feel sad about the cat dying and to miss the cat. I'd let her cry or talk about it as much as she needs to. On the other hand, if she doesn't care, that doesn't mean anything either and I wouldn't worry about it. It probably means she's still a little to young to fully understand what death is.

Don't hide it, don't lie, don't tell her it's not a big deal, don't judge her feelings. Just tell her, and support her in her emotional response, whatever it is.

If you have a religious tradition with thoughts on death, this is also a good way and time to introduce those.

[Anonymous]

“Their cat died, so it isn’t there anymore”

[Anonymous]

Thanks everybody, very helpful!

[Anonymous]

Fluffy went to heaven.

[Anonymous]

Cat was done living. Had a good life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just tell her. The cat was old and it came to the end of it's life. You can reassure her that the cat wasn't in pain (if this is true) and tell her that the cat lives on in our memories of it, and in photos and in stories we tell.

If your DD is very sad and upset by this, that's super normal and you should validate her feelings and let her know it is of course okay to feel sad about the cat dying and to miss the cat. I'd let her cry or talk about it as much as she needs to. On the other hand, if she doesn't care, that doesn't mean anything either and I wouldn't worry about it. It probably means she's still a little to young to fully understand what death is.

Don't hide it, don't lie, don't tell her it's not a big deal, don't judge her feelings. Just tell her, and support her in her emotional response, whatever it is.

If you have a religious tradition with thoughts on death, this is also a good way and time to introduce those.

This is a perfect response.

[Anonymous]

Also don't be surprised if she does not react.
My 3 year old knows our dog died. She was there in the house when he died. She knows Daddy took him to the vet because he was very sick and that he died and could not come home. She still asks if he will come back. She still pretends to feed him. She was never "sad" although she modeled her emotions when older 7 year old cried.

She might say "but i want to play with fluffy" or "i miss fluffy" but I wouldn't expect much more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also don't be surprised if she does not react.
My 3 year old knows our dog died. She was there in the house when he died. She knows Daddy took him to the vet because he was very sick and that he died and could not come home. She still asks if he will come back. She still pretends to feed him. She was never "sad" although she modeled her emotions when older 7 year old cried.

She might say "but i want to play with fluffy" or "i miss fluffy" but I wouldn't expect much more than that.

OP here. This is pretty much exactly how my daughter reacted—ie, no reaction, and not really seeming to understand that dead = gone. She asked where the cat was as soon as we got to my parents house, we gave the same answer, and she again didn’t ask any follow up questions or react in any obvious way.