Anyone discover they were gay super late?

[Anonymous]

Can you tell me about your experience?

[Anonymous]

What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

Not pp but, you make it sound so easy! I know a few men who married but, hid the fact they were gay maybe even from themselves. Perhaps they thought that they could wish it away Or perhaps they considered themselves bi. Either way, people divorce for lots of reasons and your tone is pretty off putting.

[Anonymous]

Came out at 18, went back in the closet, back out at 45!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

Not pp but, you make it sound so easy! I know a few men who married but, hid the fact they were gay maybe even from themselves. Perhaps they thought that they could wish it away Or perhaps they considered themselves bi. Either way, people divorce for lots of reasons and your tone is pretty off putting.

If you are bi or you are thinking you could be gay but you wish it away...fine....just don't with hold that information from you spouse or fiance. How would like it if your spouse had decided not to share those thought or concerns with you and only fesses up after you are in deep with several kids? I know a half dozen people in that situation and it is not fair to not discuss it before you decide to start a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Came out at 18, went back in the closet, back out at 45!

When you go back in the closet...are you having relationships with people? Are you letting them know that you are doing that while in the closet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

I repressed it. I did not acknowledge my gayness, even to myself, at the time I married. Told him I was bi but didn’t act on it, just like myriad other women who are same-sex attracted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

I repressed it. I did not acknowledge my gayness, even to myself, at the time I married. Told him I was bi but didn’t act on it, just like myriad other women who are same-sex attracted.

That is a rough situation. I would advise people heading into a marriage to explore this issue in depth. I know too many people that ended up unwittingly married to a person who did not understand or communicate about their sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

I repressed it. I did not acknowledge my gayness, even to myself, at the time I married. Told him I was bi but didn’t act on it, just like myriad other women who are same-sex attracted.

That is a rough situation. I would advise people heading into a marriage to explore this issue in depth. I know too many people that ended up unwittingly married to a person who did not understand or communicate about their sexuality.

And are left with an std due to cheating as a result. Particularly the men. Women who get HIV and other diseases because their man was on the down low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

I repressed it. I did not acknowledge my gayness, even to myself, at the time I married. Told him I was bi but didn’t act on it, just like myriad other women who are same-sex attracted.

That is a rough situation. I would advise people heading into a marriage to explore this issue in depth. I know too many people that ended up unwittingly married to a person who did not understand or communicate about their sexuality.

And are left with an std due to cheating as a result. Particularly the men. Women who get HIV and other diseases because their man was on the down low.

Did this happen to you or something? Are you a heterosexual woman that got HIV from her gay husband later in life?

Some of these posts are so weird, almost like people don’t know what it means to repress. Did you tell your spouse that you’re gay and repressing? No, obviously not, she was REPRESSING. Some of these posts definitely read like totally hetero people that don’t even understand what it means or is like to repress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Came out at 18, went back in the closet, back out at 45!

When you go back in the closet...are you having relationships with people? Are you letting them know that you are doing that while in the closet?

I was not having queer relationships while I was in the closet. I would not do that to anyone. I was unfortunately married to a cis man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Came out at 18, went back in the closet, back out at 45!

When you go back in the closet...are you having relationships with people? Are you letting them know that you are doing that while in the closet?

I was not having queer relationships while I was in the closet. I would not do that to anyone. I was unfortunately married to a cis man.

It's such a weird stereotype that these hetero-cis people have that all LGBT people are out there having sex with people while in a marriage. It's true that some do it but it's really shown a lot in popular media and it seems like people think it's the norm to cheat on your spouse. Like sure some people do it and they should probably get divorced sooner than later but if you actually care about that person at all, you wouldn't do that. Cishet people cheat on their spouses but we don't assume they all do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is super late?

I came out when I was 15 but went back into the closet, married a man, had kids, then came out again in my upper 30s. So, if you can imagine, it was really hard getting from point A (SAHM, married to man) to point B (have my career, divorced, coparenting with ex, and fully out)
A lot of gay women I am meeting my age or older similarly came out later in life. There are support groups out there. I imagine similar for gay men coming out later in life.

Your husband married you even though he knew you were gay or did you withhold that information from him?

I repressed it. I did not acknowledge my gayness, even to myself, at the time I married. Told him I was bi but didn’t act on it, just like myriad other women who are same-sex attracted.

That is a rough situation. I would advise people heading into a marriage to explore this issue in depth. I know too many people that ended up unwittingly married to a person who did not understand or communicate about their sexuality.

And are left with an std due to cheating as a result. Particularly the men. Women who get HIV and other diseases because their man was on the down low.

Did this happen to you or something? Are you a heterosexual woman that got HIV from her gay husband later in life?

Some of these posts are so weird, almost like people don’t know what it means to repress. Did you tell your spouse that you’re gay and repressing? No, obviously not, she was REPRESSING. Some of these posts definitely read like totally hetero people that don’t even understand what it means or is like to repress.

Yes. Heterosexual woman.

[Anonymous]

But it doesn't sound like anyone is answering OPs question, i.e., did you not have any idea until later in life. It sounds like the people answer knew and buried it, but deep down they knew before they were adults. Esp people who came out as teens and went back "in".