Any advice on toddler behavior??!

[Anonymous]

I really don’t know what to do. My toddler is off the charts. If she does not get her way, our house is torn apart. She throws, kicks, hits, screams, and etc. She throws chairs, food, plates, foods. No is not an answer. I am really struggling right now. Time outs anything does not work. She was a happy daycare kid up until a month ago when the daycare closed due to COVID. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

How old is she?

[Anonymous]

No advice just solidarity. My toddler tried to bite me this morning when I asked him to get ready to leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Have you read/listen to Janet Lansbury?

[Anonymous]

Spin it instead if saying "no". That can be a trigger for some kids bc it has the connotation of a hard-stop and therefore fuels frustration and angst. "Food stays on the plate" instead of No throwing food". "Time for getting on shoes" instead "no, come here. stop doing that.". You get the point.

Also, are you choosing your battles? Nit picking? Able to compromise on anything? Is everything a power struggle?

How how old is your child? Is she napping OK?

And why is daycare closed for 2 weeks for covid? This isn't 2020 anymore.

[Anonymous]

Is your daycare permanently closed? Ours only shuts the affected classroom for 10 days if one of the kids or teachers tests positive.

[Anonymous]

People here will tell you about Lansbury, gentle parenting, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen...

I do "no. We don't hit." (or "we don't throw," etc.) and then 1, 2, 3. If it's still happening at 3, take away the thing, or time out. It's effective.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to realize this is a huge transition for both of you. Her whole daily life has changed. You’re not used to being home with a toddler all the time. What’s she doing during the day? Are you working? To me, this isn’t typical toddler behavior - it’s not abnormal, but it’s toward the extreme end of the behavior spectrum. Your toddler is clearly distressed.

[Anonymous]

buy the big little feelings course

[Anonymous]

Janet Lansbury's book "No Bad Kids" is great. It's a quick read.

The basis of her philosophy is that you need to establish firm boundaries, and enforce them consistently but lovingly.

It really shifted my mindset once I read her books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to realize this is a huge transition for both of you. Her whole daily life has changed. You’re not used to being home with a toddler all the time. What’s she doing during the day? Are you working? To me, this isn’t typical toddler behavior - it’s not abnormal, but it’s toward the extreme end of the behavior spectrum. Your toddler is clearly distressed.

Agree to this. What routines do you have in place? Daycares are REALLY orderly. As in, at 9am we do this. 10 is snack. 11 is potty. And so on. If you are free styling and not paying much attention to her because you are working (which is understandable), she is going to be a mess.

[Anonymous]

Get the Big Little Feelings online course and watch the whole thing. It's not a magic bullet but it's really helpful and gives you actual tools and words to use. Basically the same philosophy as Janet Lansbury but easier to digest in video form.