anonymous donor vs. friend donor

[Anonymous]

I know I am opening a can of worms with this one, but really interested in the pros and cons of this question. I have decided to go ahead and try to get pregnant on my own, but I am only beginning to think this through and would appreciate hearing people's arguments here. I have two possible friends I could approach. One is a divorced friend from college, a doctor with two beautiful girls who lives in Colorado. I think he is someone who might be willing to do this for me, particularly since he is a doc, and also because he is just a thoughtful, sweet, awesome guy and we have a strong mutual affection for each other. The other is a gay friend and I also went to college with him and his sister, a very close friend, and became quite close with their entire family. So I would feel very good about them as the family lineage for the potential baby. And I have also thought that I would be comfortable with the child knowing him and his family and allowing some kind of a relationship there, which I think he may want. (His sister actually suggested this several years ago and said she thought that her bro would love to have kids, but I haven't discussed it with her since.) They live in Boston, so there would be limited contact, and I would obviously have the legal agreement that he has no legal rights to the child, but, again, awesome family that would surely be supportive and it might be nice for the child to know his background. And then there is the anonymous route -- easier in some respects, I'm sure. I know -- big, big questions and again, just curious what variables went into the decisions of others.

[Anonymous]

You should look in the Single Mothers By Choice group, I think you will find more people who went through that calculation. I am not sure the agreement would be enforceable, so if he changed his mind you might be in a different situation. I know lesbian couples who used both friend and anonymous donors, some kids ended up living part time with the dad(s). So much depends on the individuals involved and feelings can change once a baby arrives.
http://www.singlemothersbychoice.com/
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I am opening a can of worms with this one, but really interested in the pros and cons of this question. I have decided to go ahead and try to get pregnant on my own, but I am only beginning to think this through and would appreciate hearing people's arguments here. I have two possible friends I could approach. One is a divorced friend from college, a doctor with two beautiful girls who lives in Colorado. I think he is someone who might be willing to do this for me, particularly since he is a doc, and also because he is just a thoughtful, sweet, awesome guy and we have a strong mutual affection for each other. The other is a gay friend and I also went to college with him and his sister, a very close friend, and became quite close with their entire family. So I would feel very good about them as the family lineage for the potential baby. And I have also thought that I would be comfortable with the child knowing him and his family and allowing some kind of a relationship there, which I think he may want. (His sister actually suggested this several years ago and said she thought that her bro would love to have kids, but I haven't discussed it with her since.) They live in Boston, so there would be limited contact, and I would obviously have the legal agreement that he has no legal rights to the child, but, again, awesome family that would surely be supportive and it might be nice for the child to know his background. And then there is the anonymous route -- easier in some respects, I'm sure. I know -- big, big questions and again, just curious what variables went into the decisions of others.

Since one friend is listed as gay and one divorced, can we assume the guy with 2 kids isn't gay? I would go with the friend who happens to be gay since he might nor otherwise get to have a child.....it also sounds like he and his family would be great family-grannies, aunties, etc.

Wow. Sounds good. Do they go to the Cape? Many in Boston do so you would have LOTS of help when vacationing with a child.

[Anonymous]

Lesbian mom here. Since the agreements are not enforceable, you should pick based on who will not wig out and change their mind later regarding custody/visitation. This is the advantage to anonymous donors. I wasn't comfortable with anonymous because I would much rather have a family friend that I could point the child to when they ask about it.

It is a personal decision. These are the factors I weighed.

[Anonymous]

PP here again. When you make an agreement, it may be best to have an attorney write it or look it over. They will explain the risks.