Has anyone here thought of just giving up and moving on? Is that even possible?

[Anonymous]

I've had 2 losses in the past 5 months. We haven't seen dr. about it yet (other than follow up to make sure hcg is at 0), but I have to confess I'm having a hard time getting there, mentally. I guess a part of it is just wanting it to go away, part of me just doesn't want to face possibly having a fertility problem. This would be #2. Our dd is school-aged, but we're still in our early 30s.
We waited a long time to try again and now I'm almost thinking that I don't want to go down that fertility road and we should just be happy with the 1 we have. Of course, other times I am totally driven to get pg and have it stick and want to do whatever we have to do. I'm just so confused.

At this point (being excited twice over the prospect of having another baby) - can I even let that go and stick with the 1 child we have? DH could literally go either way. I don't think he has the same emotions wrapped into it as I do.

Any advice/your own thought process on this would be great. TIA

[Anonymous]

I am sorry for your loss. My DH and I talked at length about this. He has a daughter from a previous marriage who is a big part of our lives and we are almost ten years older than you and have watched many friends struggle with fertility issues. We agreed we'd like to add to our family but that we didn't want to have it become all consuming. We decided we'd give it a solid try but would not go as far as seeing a fertility specialist. I had a mc in January and took some time to get back to a normal cycle. We will likely only try for a few more months. I am trying to look at all the positives about our life and be thankful for what we have and am beginning to accept that our family may be complete. I'm not there yet and still have glimmers of hope, but do feel like this is the right choice for us. We are working to build our relationship and strengthen ties with family and friends and live more in the present. It is helping us accept the gifts we have.

[Anonymous]

It's really hard -- I've had 4 losses and no prior children. I can tell you that I felt pretty raw, but I did feel better as time went on. I consulted several fertility centers, and you know what - -they never found any fertility issue. Whether it was really bad luck or getting all my nutrition/hormone/etc levels primed, who knows, b/c I'm now 14 wks preg. At times, I wished they HAD found something wrong in order to "fix" it, but then there was some comfort in knowing there wasn't anything preventing me from having a healthy pregnancy.

If you really think you'd be happy with one child, bless you. But, while you're still young and have a good chance of success with any fertility treatment, it might be worthwhile to at least get a consultation (or two). And then you might not even not even need any treatment, but at least you know what the universe of options is.

[Anonymous]

I went through this same thing. We were already under the care of an RE though. I was ready to give up, but we had success on our last IVF. I found it very hard to give up because that is not my nature. Its a very tough choice. My husband was similarly unhelpful in the decision making process. What helped me to decide was to take a week or two trying to live with the idea of stopping and having one child. If that is not sitting right then keep trying. Hope this helps....

[Anonymous]

I'm close to giving up, and we have no children and have never been pregnant. I'm 39 and DH is 42. We got married late in life, and have done 2 IUIs with no luck. We don't really have the $$ for IVF, and are getting close to too old to adopt (age limits of 40-45 with minimum yr requirements for marriage). I'm really struggling with letting go of the dream of having our own kids, and just accepting the fact that it may just be the two of us. I think we could have a nice life together and we have a good marriage, so I'm thankful for that. I knew it was a risk because of our ages. And, of course, the RE can't find anything wrong. Just old eggs, I guess. But, I don't think I have it in me to continue to try IUIs and live my life in 28 day cycles. I want to be able to enjoy our life and get invested in the present. I'd love to hear more thoughts on how people really move on.

[Anonymous]

Well, I've been trying to move on from wanting a #2 for 9 months now and haven't been able to do it. (Like one of the PPs, giving up isn't in my nature either). I haven't found an answer yet - certainly it hasn't been time. The best I can do is follow some of the principles of yoga and Buddist philosophies, such as trying to be open to what will happen. Just thinking about being "open" seems to relax me, at least for a short time.