Length of courtship/exclusive dating/relationship needed before proposal

[Anonymous]

From your experience how long does it take to really know if this is the person you want to marry?

[Anonymous]

There is no rule.
I knew in 3 weeks.
We married almost 2 years later.
Divorced after 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Length is important but so is exposure, if you are only seeing each other sporadically, you’ll only know each other as much as someone living together for a month. Let’s say you attend college together, live together, party together, study together, one year is more than enough. If you live in separate towns, talking every day on FaceTime and meeting on weekends for one year isn't same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your experience how long does it take to really know if this is the person you want to marry?

Began dating at ages 24/27, engaged ages 29/32, married ages 30/33. Still married 21 years and counting

[Anonymous]

Dated a little less than one year (grad school), engaged about 1/2 year, married over 25.

[Anonymous]

Dated 2 yrs, moved in together, got engaged after 3 yrs of living together, then was engaged for a yr before the wedding. Six yrs total. Married 21 yrs so it’s worked out.

[Anonymous]

Met in July. Starting talking marriage in December. Bought the ring in February. Formal proposal in April. Married in December.

But we were also 31 and 38 when we met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met in July. Starting talking marriage in December. Bought the ring in February. Formal proposal in April. Married in December.

But we were also 31 and 38 when we met.

Let me add — we have been married 15 years and are still going strong.

[Anonymous]

You should see all four seasons together, live together, manage a budget together, visit family together, nurse each other through at least one bad flu or COVID, handle one stressful event, do one road travel. You want to find out if other person is compatible, caring and patient, rest is just fine print.

[Anonymous]

Dated 3 years (met at ages 23/24). Engaged for almost a year. Married almost 25 years.

I knew he was the one after our first real date. We had an easy and fun dating relationship. I couldn’t believe how calm and he was; I had just ended a tumultuous, dramatic long distance relationship. I’m a hopeless romantic and eternal optimistic, so take this for what it’s worth.

[Anonymous]

I just read somewhere that 1.5 years (in person, not long-distance). You need to go through a full year with them, through the change of seasons...enough to see how they deal with stress, conflict, problem-solving, etc.

This makes intuitive sense with me.

I met my DH as a roommate of my boyfriend so didn't know him well. After we graduated, we kept in touch sporadially. We started dating and got engaged 1.5 years (that's coincidence to the previous paragraph--I just figured that out now) and married at 2 years after starting to date.

We have been married 22 years and I do think you need the fun times to remember (the courtship times) when you hit the hard times. Those memories form that glue that holds it together, especially when you have kids and the stress that comes with them (physical exhaustion with little kids, then psychological exhaustion with teenagers)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met in July. Starting talking marriage in December. Bought the ring in February. Formal proposal in April. Married in December.

But we were also 31 and 38 when we met.

1.5 year should be good enough for any age group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Length is important but so is exposure, if you are only seeing each other sporadically, you’ll only know each other as much as someone living together for a month. Let’s say you attend college together, live together, party together, study together, one year is more than enough. If you live in separate towns, talking every day on FaceTime and meeting on weekends for one year isn't same.

+1. I also think it depends on the people involved. Speaking for myself, it took my 2 years to be certain and this was seeing each other a few times a week and being in my mid-twenties. Also being ACOD, definitely influenced me wanting to have enough time to really see someone in lots of different situations to see how they react and how we worked as a couple. Love is not always enough to make a relationship work long term. That said, I knew there was the potential to go the distance after we had been dating a year.