Angry at Ex - Cell phone availability a MUST?

[Anonymous]

Unlike my ex, who lives with his cell phone strapped to his belt, has a hands free device, emails from his phone (all so he can stay in touch with his married girlfriends which is why we are divorced) I do not live my life by my phone. I keep it charged, and on, and on me, but I often miss calls and then return them within a few minutes.

This is the third time I have missed a call from him and gotten a voice mail lecture about how that is "unacceptable" and I MUST be available by phone at ALL times. Even though when it comes to health and safety issues we have a phone tree of me, him, grandma, uncle, friends, etc. So God forbid there ever is a real emergency, I think we've got it covered.

I finally called him back and said, "You are not my father. You don't get to tell me what is acceptable or unacceptable. You are not my husband. You no longer have a free pass to be nasty to me".

We all survived our childhoods even though our parents did not walk through life with a cell phone strapped to their ears. Just recently his mom told me a story about how his parents were out to dinner, he broke his arm, and the neighbors took him to the hospital for a cast which was all done by the time she got home!

Am I off base here? Is it bad parenting nowadays if you are not IMMEDIATELY available on your cell phone at all times?

FYI I missed his call today because I took off work to be on a field trip with my child (ironic I think). I couldn't hear the phone in a room full of 25 screaming kiddies, yelling teacher, etc.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't seem weird to me that you don't answer the phone right away. I don't see how it can be called bad parenting, either. Otherwise, no parent could ever leave his or her child to go, I don't know, under a tunnel, or anywhere where they didn't have cell phone reception, or anywhere they weren't allowed to bring in or use a cell phone.

[Anonymous]

Is he just trying to annoy you on purpose? I think I'd act clueless or sugary sweet about it and annoy him back.

[Anonymous]

I suspect your ex had control issues in your marriage? It obviously irks him that he is no longer able to keep you under his command. You are not off-base. There is no reason why you should be expected to answer every call as it rings. And you describe "missing" his calls...I would argue that you have every right to screen his calls...let him leave a message in order to determine what he wants first. I'm not saying you SHOULD do this...just that you have every right to do so.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not necessary, especially when you are with your child.

[Anonymous]

Well, I am married, with two children, and I am not immediately available by cell phone at all times. Sometimes I'm out of range, sometimes it's not safe to pick up (heavy traffic), sometimes I just don't. It doesn't make me a bad parent, so why should it you?

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with you.

I suggest you retrain your ex.

If your child is with you, allow more time to pass before you answer or return his calls. Train him that he cannot always reach you.

If your child is not with you, its probably a good idea to be responsive, but I agree its unlikely there is going to be an emergency that you ex can't handle solo at least initially...

He's just trying to figure out a way to control you. Don't let him get to you.

[Anonymous]

He's got issues. I don't pick up when I'm eating, driving, bathing, in a theater, etc. It is not necessary to be available 24/7. He can text you if he needs you to know something before you can call him back.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't he just text? That way you don't have to talk to him and he can write emergency- DD sick, etc.

[Anonymous]

We have two kids, so one was not with me. Normally we co- parent pretty well. He just gets REALLY annoyed that I don't pick up his calls. I am not screening - I just don't always have my phone in my hand.

He doesn't seem to understand that he has no right to try to tell me what to do or how to do it anymore. It's difficult for me to navigate being "easy going" with him so we can co- parent effectively vs. setting some hard ass boundaries with him. Grrr.

[Anonymous]

If you're returning calls promptly, he has no right to be upset with you. This is a control thing. (and maybe one reason he's your ex?)

He needs to realize that if there's a true emergency, he should be calling the doctor or 911, not you.

I get annoyed with my ex sometimes because he is NEVER available by phone and he very rarely calls me back if I leave a message, which makes me wonder if he checks messages at all. I worry because if something happened to my daughter, he might not find out about it within a reasonable period. But I keep that to myself because we've never had an emergency so it's probably just me being paranoid. (plus when we do actually talk, we're civil/friendly so there's no reason to be a bee-otch.)

[Anonymous]

Um, again, why don't you tell him to just text?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's got issues. I don't pick up when I'm eating, driving, bathing, in a theater, etc. It is not necessary to be available 24/7. He can text you if he needs you to know something before you can call him back.

Agree. People who live on their phones annoy me in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, again, why don't you tell him to just text?

Not OP, but the guy is a control freak. He probably doesn't want her to tell him to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Tell him that MANY professions don't allow people to be available by cell phone all the time. Nurses, teachers, doctors, etc., etc. They all seem to get by.