My experience with a narcissist

[Anonymous]

Just had some flashbacks of a narcissistic ex boyfriend. We were dating for 6 months, I bought myself a pair of earrings. He later told me that he thought it was pretty selfish of me to buy something for myself. At lunch when I went for a second slice of pizza, he told me I was going to get fat if I ate like that. I was underweight at that time.

He convinced me to move in with him when my apartment lease was up. He liked knowing exactly where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing at all times. He didn’t like me having my own place. He said I could stay until I found my own place. And then, after I moved in, he told me that should be paying him $700 rent a month, or I could just pay for installation of his new screen door which would cost $2000.

He told me his ex girlfriend and her friend was coming to visit, and would it be ok if they stayed with us. I said no. He did stuff like this to keep me feeling crazy and unbalanced and insecure. When he went to parties, he’d always spend time catching up and talking with his many ex girlfriends. But if I went somewhere without him, with my girlfriends, he would be furious. And purposely make his own plans to go out with another woman to make me jealous.

Ugh. Such a nightmare and such a bullet dodged. I was a complete wreck after our breakup. I never cried so much before. It took a long time to come out of that fog.

[Anonymous]

Glad you got out of that toxic situation. How did you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad you got out of that toxic situation. How did you do it?

He broke up with me but tried hard to keep me in his orbit. Tried to buy out my friends, tried to keep in contact with me and keep tabs on who I was spending time with. Meanwhile he went straight into another relationship with someone from my friend circle.

It was hard to get emotionally untangled from his web but i got there. And it was like a switch- like looking from the outside looking in and he couldn’t hurt me anymore and I felt sorry for him and all his crazy antics to keep me under his control. I had to build new friendships away from his circle of influence. I had to give up some of my old friendships for a while because he was using them to get to me. I had to start over fresh. I gray rocked him, shared no info with him. And for me, I had to forgive him to release his hold on me.

[Anonymous]

You’re brave. His behavior is classic narcissism. Glad you were able to recognize it and then take steps to get out from under his hold. Are you in therapy? A woman on YouTube named Dr. Ramani has excellent videos on the subject.

[Anonymous]

Not sure that’s narcissism but definitely abusive and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re brave. His behavior is classic narcissism. Glad you were able to recognize it and then take steps to get out from under his hold. Are you in therapy? A woman on YouTube named Dr. Ramani has excellent videos on the subject.

Yes, in therapy, but that hasn’t come up yet. And dr ramani is amazing and I wish I could go back in time to offer her words of wisdom to my younger self when I was in that relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure that’s narcissism but definitely abusive and controlling.

Actually I am pretty certain he was a narcissist but I wouldn’t call him abusive. Manipulative, controlling, demanding constant adoration and attention, using people for his own social status gains, demanding the perfect image of class/success/grace/devotion from his partner, raging rants when he felt even the smallest of slights or did not receive the proper amount of attention… he was all of those other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure that’s narcissism but definitely abusive and controlling.

Actually I am pretty certain he was a narcissist but I wouldn’t call him abusive. Manipulative, controlling, demanding constant adoration and attention, using people for his own social status gains, demanding the perfect image of class/success/grace/devotion from his partner, raging rants when he felt even the smallest of slights or did not receive the proper amount of attention… he was all of those other things.

Yes, all of that is abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure that’s narcissism but definitely abusive and controlling.

Actually I am pretty certain he was a narcissist but I wouldn’t call him abusive. Manipulative, controlling, demanding constant adoration and attention, using people for his own social status gains, demanding the perfect image of class/success/grace/devotion from his partner, raging rants when he felt even the smallest of slights or did not receive the proper amount of attention… he was all of those other things.

Eeek. I see so much of my husband in this. Wish I had learned about these people before. I really thought I was going crazy.

[Anonymous]

truly happy for you OP.

but I just can't get past why you were with him in the first place? or why stay with him when you started to see all of this? I've heard too many similar stories and I just can't understand why women are with ass*oles this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:truly happy for you OP.

but I just can't get past why you were with him in the first place? or why stay with him when you started to see all of this? I've heard too many similar stories and I just can't understand why women are with ass*oles this at all.

It’s usually bc their have other qualities that are really appealing like being great planners or very successful and generous on their terms; and/or because what women want from them or their own history makes them blind to the other features until they take over. A key feature of these people is that they unfold slowly over time after they have you hooked on something you like about them.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, sounds like a few of my past relationships OP. 💔

And yes - getting out of those relationships was gut-wrenching.

Glad to know you are out on the other side.

Never again….