Am I being petty? Should I attend?

[Anonymous]

My grandparents are still alive (parents had us as teens.) Last year my maternal grandfather missed Christmas because of COVID. My mother doesn’t like my grandfather’s wife, so I think she was fine to not have to do the holiday at their house and to take control and plan her own thing. She took to FB proclaiming her unwavering love for her father, expressing how sad she was not to see him “for the first time ever” at Christmas. She promised there and also to him and the family that she would have the whole family over to celebrate a late Christmas after he quarantined. It never happened. When asked why she just said it was “too late now.”

Incidentally, this year my maternal grandmother is sick with COVID and my mother has already planned a mid-January make-up dinner. She’s group texted and called about setting it up multiple times. I know the date, time and place.

I can’t help but notice the disparity and honestly it makes me a little sick. I feel for my grandfather who was promised the same special treatment yet my mother didn’t deliver. I know it’s none of my business, but it is leaving a bad taste in my mouth and I don’t know what to do. I could call my mother out, but to what end? I could choose not to attend, but why hurt my grandmother? I don’t know what advice I’m seeking, maybe there is none. Either way, thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

[Anonymous]

Just go.

[Anonymous]

Are you going to your grandfather's house this year? Or is it cancelled again?

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

[Anonymous]

She wasn't up to it last year. This year she is.

I think there must be something else going on for you to take this to heart. Has she shown blatant favoritism before? Do you have other problems with her?
You should go. Not going is the epitome of biting off your nose to spite your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

Yes, we visited for lunch with our children Christmas Eve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

Yes, we visited for lunch with our children Christmas Eve.

Then I guess I am not sure what the problem is. Why would you blow off your grandmother because you're mad at your mom?

[Anonymous]

You seem young and immature. Just go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

Yes, we visited for lunch with our children Christmas Eve.

I should add, my mother hasn’t yet seen the father she claims to love so much for Christmas. There is probably more to the story, yes. I believe she favors neither, but hates my step grandmother but also acts surprised that her step children hate her. I think it is ugliness. I’m mostly venting at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wasn't up to it last year. This year she is.

I think there must be something else going on for you to take this to heart. Has she shown blatant favoritism before? Do you have other problems with her?
You should go. Not going is the epitome of biting off your nose to spite your face.

Yes, I agree you need to go and for the same reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

Yes, we visited for lunch with our children Christmas Eve.

Then I guess I am not sure what the problem is. Why would you blow off your grandmother because you're mad at your mom?

I guess I see it as narcissistic attention seeking behavior. My grandfather has Facebook and last year she made such a show for attention there. My grandmother doesn’t, so now she’s swooping in to play hero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

Yes, we visited for lunch with our children Christmas Eve.

I should add, my mother hasn’t yet seen the father she claims to love so much for Christmas. There is probably more to the story, yes. I believe she favors neither, but hates my step grandmother but also acts surprised that her step children hate her. I think it is ugliness. I’m mostly venting at this point.

It's really not up to you to manage your mother's relationship with her father. You are a grown adult who can have an independent relationship with him, and it sounds like that's what you do. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

Yes, we visited for lunch with our children Christmas Eve.

Then I guess I am not sure what the problem is. Why would you blow off your grandmother because you're mad at your mom?

I guess I see it as narcissistic attention seeking behavior. My grandfather has Facebook and last year she made such a show for attention there. My grandmother doesn’t, so now she’s swooping in to play hero.

But what does that have to do with going to your grandmother's party?

Look OP, my mom died of COVID last year. A lot of people's grandparents got and get COVID and don't make it. If your grandmother will be healthy enough in a couple of weeks to go to a party then yes, it would be extremely petty to not go because you are pissed at your mom. Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Have you seen your grandfather this year or not?

Yes, we visited for lunch with our children Christmas Eve.

I should add, my mother hasn’t yet seen the father she claims to love so much for Christmas. There is probably more to the story, yes. I believe she favors neither, but hates my step grandmother but also acts surprised that her step children hate her. I think it is ugliness. I’m mostly venting at this point.

It's really not up to you to manage your mother's relationship with her father. You are a grown adult who can have an independent relationship with him, and it sounds like that's what you do. Let it go.

Thanks. I’m just so annoyed with her behavior. I needed to hear this.

[Anonymous]

You are an adult and should just make your own relationships with your grandparents. You seem to value equality so spend the same time with both of them. Don’t worry about what your mom does unless you want to stir up trouble. Of course if you want to know what’s in her heart, point out that she’s giving unequal attention to Nana as compared to Papa and ask why.