How to start disciplining

[Anonymous]

I have a 2.5 year old who is pretty “easy,” but slowly starting to enter the terrible 2s. Her biggest one lately has been putting things in her mouth- she knows she is doing something wrong as she’ll side-eye me when doing so- markers, getting the the tiniest piece of play-doh, etc. She doesn’t seem to “understand” discipline, though- for example, I took her markers away after she put one in her mouth after I told her not to, she had no problem with me doing so and quickly found another activity. At the playground yesterday, she kept licking her hand after crawling up the playground steps, so I told her we had to go home bc of that, and she excitedly grabbed my hand and said “bye bye slide!” The two times I tried to do timeouts (for other things) she didn’t get it at all.

Keep sticking with the program or is it maybe even too early for discipline?

[Anonymous]

Janet Lansbury’s book No Bad Kids is great for this age.

[Anonymous]

Well these examples are tricky because I don’t consider them misbehavior at all. Of course your DD will need to learn not to just put random things in her mouth, I clouding her fingers. However, that’s a very normal developmental stage a lot of kids go through, using their mouths to explore and learn about the works. Plus lots of kids suck on fingers to self-soothe, a hold over from when they used to nurse or had a binky. Which for a 2.5 year old is like a year to a year and a half ago, right? Not long.

Agree with the Janet Lansbury approach but also just recommend thinking critically about the “why” behind any kid behavior to help you craft an approach. Since I know my DD sucks in her fingers to self soothe (and occasionally to lick off something tasty) we often respond to her finger sucking with a soothing alternative— a favorite stuffy to hold, a healthy snack, snuggles with one of us. We’ve also explained why it’s unsanitary (in kid language and knowing it might not sink in for a while) and linked that to our “discipline” which is that she has to wash her hands at the sink before our next activity if she does this (which delays playing or snacking or whatever). Natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

If she's not getting it, then yes, it's too early. When timeouts work for a kid, you'll know that it's working. The hands in mouth thing is so hard, OP. I hate that too, but it sounds like you need a different approach here.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a discipline issue. You need to supervise her. You are confusing misconduct (which gets discipline) with age appropriate habits which she simply needs reminders not to engage in. Stop disciplining for this.

[Anonymous]

You are picking on your kid if you are going home from the playground when she sucks on her fingers or some such. This isn't "terrible twos." It's as if you forgot to put your napkin on your lap at a restaurant and your husband decided to whisk the two of you out of the restaurant with no dinner. This isn't misbehavior. It's a habit. If you don't want her to engage in this habit, it will take time for her to stop. It's the toddler equivalent of smoking.

[Anonymous]

Please do not discipline for something that is developmentally age appropriate. Most will start to explore mostly with their hands by age 3 and do less oral sensory exploration. Many will also continue mouthing items until until age 4 or 5. Keep reminding "not in your mouth please." or "use your hands to play", "for coloring on paper" etc. For the hands in the mouth start with reminders and work up to interrupting play to go wash hands.

You can also provide an acceptable chew toy that she knows she can chew on that goes back somewhere specific for washing and use another time.

If it clicks she is being punished she may start to feel bad about something she can't really control yet. You can create anxiety and make the situation worse. She may end up chewing or sucking on her hair and/or shirt due to feeling overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a bad behavior they are knowingly doing — drawing on the wall with crayons after you’ve told them three times they are only used on paper, or throwing food at the table — can you introduce a consequence. I would continue to try Time out, but make it totally not fun. They have to sit on the bottom step or by themselves in their room for five minutes. If that doesn’t click, you can put a favorite toy or stuffed animal and to time out. We have had luck with that. You can also give them warnings in time to correct behavior in a different, tangible (after warnings) way — not reading a story before bed, not permitted to watch a show etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a discipline issue. You need to supervise her. You are confusing misconduct (which gets discipline) with age appropriate habits which she simply needs reminders not to engage in. Stop disciplining for this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your examples are more redirection than discipline and I don't see anything wrong with them. Over time she will fall out of the habit of those behaviors if you keep redirecting her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a bad behavior they are knowingly doing — drawing on the wall with crayons after you’ve told them three times they are only used on paper, or throwing food at the table — can you introduce a consequence. I would continue to try Time out, but make it totally not fun. They have to sit on the bottom step or by themselves in their room for five minutes. If that doesn’t click, you can put a favorite toy or stuffed animal and to time out. We have had luck with that. You can also give them warnings in time to correct behavior in a different, tangible (after warnings) way — not reading a story before bed, not permitted to watch a show etc.

Omg, no. Do not leave a 2.5 year old alone by herself for 5 minutes. It is, for one, a completely unrelated consequence (coloring with crayons on wall = crayons get taken away, that is a related and immediate consequence that make sense). And secondly, it won't help her learn anything. She will just sit there being mad at her parents and not work through her emotions. 2.5 year olds are NOT capable of learning that by themselves.