Can you be happily married if spouse doesn’t meet emotional needs?

[Anonymous]

Can you be happily married to a spouse who doesn’t meet your emotional needs? DH is a nice guy and good dad. However he is emotionally empty. He doesn’t like to talk about feelings ever. He doesn’t know what his feelings are, he’s not in touch with them. It’s like he’s empty inside. Our kid notices and asks me about it. He doesn’t show enthusiasm ever, say I love you first, or ever seem to WANT to do anything with us (but he’ll do it). Anyone deal with anything like this and learn to be ok with it?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think so, but I think you can be happy in life. It’s much more work though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so, but I think you can be happy in life. It’s much more work though.

Correct. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

My husband is not one to share his feelings beyond a superficial level but he grew up in a very large family and it just wasn’t what they did. But, he is very sweet and loving and I have no complaints.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse cannot be everything to you - get those other needs met by friends. Happily married to spouse for over 25 years who doesn't meet my emotional needs but does meet my other needs.

[Anonymous]

I get a lot of emotional support from my girlfriends. My husband just isn't capable or interested in talking about emotions.

[Anonymous]

I think there’s a lot of space between “doesn’t like to talk about emotions” and “isn’t enthusiastic about doing stuff with me.” The first is NBD to me. The second is really hard to live with. Can you spend decades with someone who just seems to tolerate being around you?

[Anonymous]

Most men will never meet their wives emotional needs, it’s not in their DNA. But there are many other needs that can be met. Being loving, kind, respectful, companionship, security….the list goes on.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this as well, when we were younger 20s/30s it did not matter much. Now that we are in our late 40s and some of the life happen (losing a parent, making a shift in your career to a family friendly position to be present, loss of a beloved pet etc). Not having your spouse meet your emotional needs becomes a challenge. Haven’t figured it out yet but I am trying.

[Anonymous]

I personally couldn’t do this. We almost divorced (I would have left)over this two years ago and he has been in therapy since then. He is getting better and able to connect and share more. I think it’s unique to every woman, but for my needs and life circumstance it would not work long term.

[Anonymous]

I’d say most men can. Women, doubtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse cannot be everything to you - get those other needs met by friends. Happily married to spouse for over 25 years who doesn't meet my emotional needs but does meet my other needs.

Agreed. There is no one human who meets all your needs.

[Anonymous]

Of course. The modern expectation that one’s spouse will meet every one of an individual’s needs is ridiculous and unrealistic. This is what friends/jobs/hobbies are for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of space between “doesn’t like to talk about emotions” and “isn’t enthusiastic about doing stuff with me.” The first is NBD to me. The second is really hard to live with. Can you spend decades with someone who just seems to tolerate being around you?

This. My husband does the former but loves spending time with us and is a happy and engaged husband and father. I wish he’d open up more but I’ve accepted who he is. Married 17 years, together 20.

[Anonymous]

As the one who doesn't meet my spouse's neediness, I'd say no.